Chapter 7. Into the Mirror

Not long afterward, the guys and I returned to the house, and following a light lunch, Abraham insisted that I take some time to rest. I was a little taken aback by his suggestion, as I had not shown any signs of being tired (impossible with all the excitement that I had gone through at the glen, and then just now in the backyard), but still, I listened and went into my room.

Amazingly enough, not long after I had lied on my bed, I fell asleep.

When I finally woke up, the sun was almost set, with only a thin line of pink and orange bathing the horizon. Without a second thought, I stood from the bed and went to the window, to stare out at the garden in the backyard. Needless to say, my breath was knocked out of me when I saw that the little sunlight left, and which filtered through the high mountains in the distance was touching the very tops of the four trees.

The sight reminded me a lot of the magical night I had had near that spot not so long ago and I felt a warmth inside me. As I looked down, I became aware that the fire that had ignited at the Glen of Past was still on my chest, and very much alight, and weirdly enough, it was producing small flares as my soul responded to the sight of the trees outside.

Without my expecting it at all, a veritable landslide of emotions filled me, and with them came memories of my beloved family, and especially of my parents and grandparents. The burst was so intense, and so strong, that I placed my hand against my left breast and scrunched my shirt in my fist; I just wanted to claw my heart out. The memories were painful, especially because I had buried them very deep inside me and they were causing a lot of guilt. I started to cry loudly and I tried to stifle the sounds with my right hand, but it was not possible.

I could not stop the memories of me as a child, happy in my innocence, completely blissful in my belief that I was loved and cared for. I realized that at that period of my life, I had never once felt alone, or unhappy, and it was not just because I had had loving relatives, and friends, but also, because at least until before my adolescence, I had experienced one of the strongest, and most powerful connections you could ever have with a person. Yes, at that moment in time, in all those years, I had been happy, and most importantly, I had always felt complete. So, what had happened to change that? What, in my life, had led me from that happiness to the darkness and loneliness that had pushed me to end it? Just one wrong choice.

At that point, just when my feelings and emotions were getting the best of me, I heard knocking on my door, and without waiting for my answer, I saw Emmanuel walking in and immediately going towards me to smother me in a hug. I don't know why I did not push him back, I had seldom allowed anyone to get close to me when I was this vulnerable. Yet the memory of the way our hearts and souls had recognized one another and linked broke down any reticence I might have had. And the moment his body touched mine and his warmth enveloped me, I felt my very being settling down. He let me simply cry for a good while.

After the main waterworks had subsided, he simply cleared my tears away gently with his hands, and said, "Come with me, I have a gift for you." I followed him without a question, and the two of us bypassed the kitchen where the other two were clearly enjoying themselves while they prepared dinner.

Before I knew anything else, Emmanuel had pulled me through the back door, down the porch steps, and towards the magical island of trees.

When we reached a spot right before the island, I looked up and I was overcome by a sense of respect and awe for this beautiful and mystical place. I had no idea what Emmanuel intended to do but at this point, I really did not care much. I was drained after the tears and intense emotions I had shed, and furthermore, I trusted this man with my whole heart. I knew that if he was bringing me here, there was a reason, and it would only be in my best interest.

We continued walking and came up to the small brook that ran around the island. I remembered well how Emmanuel had crossed from here and into the island, but I very much doubted that the same wonder would work for me. However, I kept my mouth shut and just waited to see what would happen.

Our feet were literally one step away from dunking into the waters of the brook when suddenly the most amazing and unbelievable thing happened. The trees in the island began to sway as if they were being shaken by a strong wind, and a small tremor forced my eyes down towards the roots. They had evidently elongated beneath the earth without disturbing it and had formed a small bridge for us to cross over. And while I just gawked and remained immobile, Emmanuel simply took my hand in his again and pulled me forward. I was a bit worried at first, thinking that my weight might overcome the bridge, but when I set my foot on it, I was amazed at how strong and firm it felt.

Once we were across the little bridge, the roots retreated back into the ground, and everything seemed as if nothing had ever changed. However, I was not given time to ponder on anything, as I suddenly became aware that Emmanuel and I were not alone in the glade anymore. In fact, not long after we had entered the small glen, I heard shuffling and from literally out of nowhere, Michael and Abraham materialized. I obviously gawked, how could I not. I may have chosen to accept all these marvelous events, but that didn't mean that my human brain did not feel shocked or that I did not try to make sense of any of this. That is why I wanted to ask them what they were doing here, but I felt highly disrespectful and simply gave myself up to whatever it was these three men had planned.

Right then Emmanuel turned back towards me and taking my shoulders in his hands, said, "This is the gift that I told you I had for you. For a very long time, you have lived submerged in darkness and despair and you were right today at breakfast when you said those two incapacitating emotions prevented you from feeling anything beyond sadness. So, what I, we, " he said now pointing to the other two men, "wish to gift you with is the means to pull yourself fully back into the light. We wish to gift you with the answers that you seek and the peace that you have craved to have. But in order to do this, as Michael told you before, there are certain steps you must first take. You have already taken the two most important today, and I know your heart and soul are ready to open up to what you will receive. But it is your mind that will need a little bit more help from here on out. Because you are who you are, and you cannot change that. And just as you understood that Abraham accepted you and loved you with all you had, so too must you learn to love the person you are. Are you ready for what we have for you? Because it will be like no other adventure you have ever had before, but it will be extremely difficult. And as we said before, this is your decision to make."

Emmanuel moved back away from me and towards the other two men, fitting perfectly in the middle in a straight-line formation. Although at first an insidious voice, the same I had heard before, told me that I was being abandoned to my fate and that I was not deserving of this offered gift, it was soon quieted by my blossoming best friend, hope. I looked at the three marvelous guys who had become in a short time, my lifeline and I understood that they had pulled away from me precisely because they were fulfilling their promise to me; this would all be my decision.

With a heart brimming with resolve, and a soul completely open and decided, I walked towards the three men, and smiling at them, said, "I am more than ready to receive your gift. I apologize now if at certain points I seem like a crab walking back into my old self, but I assure you that the Emily you see here, wishes to push through all the way to the end."

"Very well, then, there is nothing more to say, but for us to move on," Emmanuel responded and then walked towards the apple tree in the middle.

As I waited patiently for the next steps, I felt someone approaching me and I became aware that it was Michael. I focused my eyes on him and was shocked to see that my dearest friend, my soulmate, appeared to be slightly different. The man in front of me now was even more beautiful than before, but more than that, I could now not only feel but also see the power that emanated from him in the form of a faint glow. As soon as he reached me, he extended his hands towards mine and took them and when our skin touched, his power enveloped me entirely, making me feel warm and also soothed. I knew without words exchanged that this meant that his light, his essence, would be with me every step of this journey, guiding me and protecting me, and I felt completely reassured. From now on, I would never, ever be alone because he would always reside in me.

"I now return to you, because you have allowed it, what had been once yours as a child," Michael suddenly said as he still held my hands in his. The statement startled me because it opened up again the flow of memories that had accosted me upstairs in my room a few moments ago. I tried to pull my hands away, a bit scared, but Michael held on to me fast.

"What... what do you mean by those words, Michael? How could you possibly know how I was, or what I had, as a child? What is it that you are returning to me?"

Without becoming agitated, without losing his patience or his gentleness, Michael replied, "I am giving you sight so that you can see not with the eyes of the body, but with the eyes of the soul. I am giving you understanding so that you can learn from what you will see and experience and I am restoring the innocence that once allowed you to interact with a world that as a grown-up you wished to make disappear so it would not hinder you from greatness. These gifts Emily, and my guidance and protection, will allow you to face the unknown and use it all to rebuild your life, plow through the difficulties ahead without fear, and help you see when your answers are given."

I took a deep breath and permitted the warmth of the glow emitting from Michael to soothe me again. After all, there definitely was no point in me getting angry, or demanding answers when I knew they would not be given to me; at least not yet. Once I was calmer and had regained my composure, I asked, "What will happen now?"

Michael smiled and placed his palm gently against my cheek. His touch, weirdly enough, felt calming and tender like a mother's touch, and though that was strange given that he was a guy, I just did not waste my time thinking about what that could mean. I simply accepted it as it was.

"We will continue on this journey of ours," said Michael, "and the next step to it is to face your past and learn about your origins. By seeing where you come from, how you came to be, and the factors and people that played a role in that past, molding it and you, will help you to begin to learn who you really are. You will face yourself as you once were, and you will come to acknowledge all those things that have shaped you into what you are today. It will hurt, and in many cases you will wish to be able to change what happened, but you won't be able to. This path that you are taking is necessary to grow, to accomplish that which I told you you needed before reaching full healing; learn to live with your past, and use it as the building stones of the person you will come to be. But most importantly than that, you will learn to love yourself, warts and all." At that last statement, Michael laughed merrily and I could not help but follow.

My heart fluttered inside me with apprehension, but instead of arguing with Michael, I simply placed my palm over the one he had against my cheek and squeezed both that and my eyes.

"Do not be troubled, my child," I suddenly heard Abraham saying softly as his arms pulled me towards him and away from Michael. "We will all be here with you; you are not alone anymore. Actually, you never have been, but this time, you will be aware of this fact," he continued as he pulled me into a hug.

I allowed myself to sink into Abraham's warmth and it was then that I became able to tell what made them different from one another for me. While the perception I had of Emmanuel now was that of an older brother, Michael felt like the glue that held it all together. Maybe that is why he seemed to me almost like a mother figure. But when I came to reflect on Abraham, I realized that he remained indescribable. He seemed larger than life, powerful, strong, and almost unreachable. And yet, at the same time, he was the most tender of the three with me, he was protective and I could not help but relate him to my own father. So, yeah, Abraham was not just the leader, he was like my father.

As Abraham released me and patted my cheek tenderly, I became aware that Emmanuel had come back closer to us and that the three men were surrounding me. While Michael and Abraham each stood to either side of me, Emmanuel stood right in front of me and replaced his hands on my shoulders.

"Okay, everything is ready. Now, let me tell you how this will play out. As Michael told you, you will be going on a journey of your past, from times you do not remember, to times that you do. The purpose of this is for you to start rebuilding who you are. I know that there is a veritable mountain of memories and emotions that you have stowed far in the back of your mind and part of your dark void starts with you not dealing with those. When you allow yourself to do that you will be able to come to grips with all the choices that you have made and accept that those choices led you to where you are now. But you will also learn that nothing that happens in life goes on without a meaning and a purpose, which will help you to start dealing with your guilt. Once that is done, you will learn to see yourself just as you truly are and you will learn to love yourself."

"Do you mean to tell me that I will be going on a journey through my very soul?" I asked in shock.

Emmanuel nodded. "Yeah, only this time, you will not live the experiences as you did the first time; now you will be an observer and you will understand why you got where you are. Remember, you will not be able to affect anything, or change the outcomes, but what will change is the person who is standing right before me."

"And you guys will be with me?" I asked nervously, as Emmanuel began pulling me towards the apple tree.

"Yeah, we will all be there for you, experiencing it all with you. And always bear in mind that you will always have the choice to end this at any time. If you feel overwhelmed, and you wish to stop, you may tell us, okay? This is not forced on you."

I nodded, allowing him to know that I understood, and accepted, all that I was told.

Not long afterward, and as the four of us walked closer to the apple tree in the middle of the glade, I began noticing a few things. First, the scene playing before me was very much like the one I had experienced at the Glen of Past; only this time it was nighttime, the moon was the one lighting up the way, shrouding the place in silver light, and the tree where I was heading was anything but dead or diseased. There was also shade beneath it caused by the difference between the strong moonshine coming in through the branches and the opening between the trees, but it all looked magical and mysterious to me. I also became aware that there was a tingling feeling inside my chest instead of the terrible fear that had accosted me at the Glen of Past, and this time, I was looking forward to what was coming.

I soon became aware that what looked like a huge gilded mirror stood right at the base of the tree's trunk. However, funnily enough, it did not reflect any of the landscape before it, or around it; it reflected the moonlight that hit its glassy surface and it appeared as if sparkles of the same color as the moonbeams were crackling around the frame.

I remembered this same thing happening at the Glen of Past, and that is why as soon as I connected the two scenes, I began to try to back away. But Abraham and Michael, who were both on either side of me took hold of my hands, and gently squeezing them, reminded me that it was okay and that I was not alone in this. So I took courage from that and continued.

When the four of us finally crossed through the boundary between the moonlight and the shade beneath the tree, I looked at the mirror's surface and realized that there was someone on the other end approaching just like I was. The moment the person on the other end of the mirror became clearer to me, my heart almost left out of my chest. On total instinct, panicked, confused, overwhelmed, I began to try to backtrack, to get away from what I was seeing, but my feet, my whole body would not respond. This was not possible, the person standing before me on the other end could not be real, this had to be some sort of a joke, I was sure of it.

"Hello my darling Emily, it's been such a long time," the woman on the other side of the mirror said, her hand extending towards me.

Maybe it was because of how overwhelmed I felt that I did not instantly register the familiarity of the sweet and gentle female voice that was coming through the mirror or the fact that there was a hand reaching out towards me. My brain was completely stuck, incapable of comprehending, first, that the woman now talking and extending her hand towards me was the same one who had become my most treasured friend when I was a child, and second, that the mirror had transformed into a doorway. In fact, if it hadn't been for Michael and Abraham standing right next to me, I would have fallen to the ground.

It took me quite a bit of time to finally regain some sense of composure, and that was only because Michael had taken me into his arms and his aura of peace had enveloped me in a cocoon that had allowed me to organize my chaotic senses. Feeling better after having let out that storm inside, and with the support of the three guys around me, I found the courage to look up to the now doorway and the woman who had played a central role in who I had been as a child.

She looked exactly the same as she did when I first met her when I was four years old and as the memories from that far past of my life flowed forth, all my uneasiness began to yield to a completely new emotion; I was now feeling my heart burning with joy at the sight of her. And just as if the years, and my choices as I grew up, had not separated us, I simply walked forward into the woman's open arms. The moment I was submerged into the warmth and the smell of this very important person of my past, I felt relief and also the courage to continue on.

"I am so glad to see you again after so long, my little Ladybug. I knew we would meet again someday," the woman said as I finally moved back from her, looking at her still as if she were an apparition. However, when she used the nickname she had always called me when I was a child, I knew for certain that she was not.

"Dawn... I can't believe that... that you are here, that you are real... I... I am..." I couldn't find the appropriate words to say. For so long I had rejected the thought that this woman might have been real, that she might be something other than a figment of my childish mind, that I now felt ashamed to even look at her. However, placing her gentle hands on either side of my face, she forced me to look into her beautiful sky-blue eyes.

"There's no need to say anything my little Ladybug. Believe me, I understand and I forgive you. I have ardently waited for a very long time for the opportunity to see you and talk to you again."

"But... but I thought...", I stammered.

"Yeah, that I wasn't real, that I was just a product of your mind, your imaginary friend. And then, when you grew up you allowed the world to convince you that being innocent, being pure, and having a friend named God, were only means to hold you back from who you truly could one day be. I can see, and trust me I know what happened already, that those convictions only led you into a black pit."

I nodded my head in shame and closed my eyes.

"Well, then it is a good thing you met these three," Dawn said smiling as she pointed towards the men who had held back while I had my moment with my childhood friend. "If there is anyone who can help you, it's those three." I looked back at Abraham, Emmanuel, and Michael and noticed that they were also smiling back at Dawn. I realized then that all four of them knew each other and were connected somehow. However, I knew for a fact that I would not get any answers to that mystery yet.

"Well, now that you have had a chance to reunite, why don't we start moving to where we are going?" Abraham said as he began to walk towards Dawn and me.

"What do you say, Ladybug, are you ready to face this adventure?" Dawn asked me gently while the three men surrounded us in silence.

Without saying anything, I nodded my head and prepared myself for what was to come next. With the four of them with me, I was now sure that I had all I needed to face whatever came ahead.

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Well, that was a major makeover. I decided to introduce someone really important in Emily's life and I had totally not planned this. But well, this is how the story will play now. Expect the unexpected I guess.