Chapter 4. Questions and Answers

"Are you hungry? What would you like for dinner?" Abraham asked again, as we walked back into the house and he led me to the kitchen.

I saw as he began taking out several kitchen utensils to cook, while my eyes invariably went back to the door that connected with the outside. But I was unable to see anything else, and I focused on Abraham instead.

"Uhmmm, I don't know, I am supposed to be dead, or dying, I am not sure. I told you I jumped from a cliff, and I still don't understand where I am, what I am doing here, or why I am not simply back at that waterfall, going through hell for my wrong choices."

At first, Abraham did not answer me but simply continued gathering pots and pans to cook. Then, as if he had not heard my questions, he just asked me if I minded eating spaghetti. I was taken aback by that; what did it matter if I ate spaghetti or nothing? Hadn't this guy heard me? Didn't he mind at all about what I had just said?

Abraham left the big water pot where he would cook the spaghetti on the stove, and releasing a sigh, turned to me.

"The answers I could give you will not satisfy you right now. We are all, you and us, on a quest, and we wish to accompany you on it if you choose to take it. Are you dead? Should you be here with us instead of wherever you went or were supposed to be? All I can tell you now is that, you are very much here, because I am seeing you, and if you are here, and not wherever else, dead, or dying, maybe it is because you have been given a chance to make things right.

"Should you waste your chance on questions that will get you nowhere at the moment? Will you die in the end? This is something you do not need to know the answer to yet, but what does matter is the here and now. Is what you saw outside magic, are we magicians, or wizards, why, why, and why? None of this will change the fact that you are here, I am with you, you are not alone or in the dark, and right now, we must choose to eat something so that we can begin our journey; that's all I can give you for now.

"As we walk the path of our trip together, if you decide to do this, more and more will be revealed until you understand. And as you do, this will not only help you but many others as well."

"What do you mean I can help others? I told you, I am supposed to be dead or dying, because I threw myself down a waterfall, no one knows where I am, so how am I supposed to help anyone? I have destroyed many lives just by choosing what I chose. I have been a curse to many, and nothing I do will make people's lives better," I responded to Abraham's cryptic and weird speech, feeling irritation inside me. Was this guy playing with me? Because I was not up for jokes at the moment.

Abraham did not seem to care that I was getting irritated with him. He continued with his task of cooking for all of us, and apparently, the question about me wishing to eat something, or other, was just a matter of form, not something that really made a difference.

After the water was placed on the burner, and everything else was made ready, Abraham turned to me and then pointed to the kitchen counter where two bar stools lay. Without any argument, I went to one and sat down, ready to just listen. After all, what did I have to lose? I had already thrown everything overboard.

"Emily, I know that you are really confused about all this; about us, this place, the why's and the results, but this is not the time to shine a light into the whole truth of what you are experiencing. All of this is a mystery, and like all mysteries, they must be lived through to the end so that we can find the answers that we need. Are you willing to walk the distance to get the answers?"

As I pondered the response Emmanuel and Michael entered through the backdoor and their arms were loaded with some really awesome-looking apples. Abraham turned to the other two and extended one of his hands so that they would give him one of the fruits. Emmanuel gave one to him and the two of them went on their way up the stairs before I could react. Abraham simply placed the apple before the two of us.

"Are those the apples from the Glen of Past, or from the tree outside?" I asked Abraham as he stared at me.

"Does it really make a difference? They are all apples in the end," Abraham responded with a smile.

"Of course, it does. The apples from the other tree, the one at the glen, looked really bad as if they were being eaten by some worm, or a fungus, or something. They were disgusting. But the ones outside in your yard looked very yummy."

"Yeah, those apples at the glen were sick, a really bad case of fungus, actually. The only thing that works is to bring the apples here and place them in the middle of those four trees. Those trees cleanse the disease and then the apples are new. So, the answer to your question is, they are the same apples, only these ones have been cleansed by the trees in our yard."

"So, are you like scientists or something?"

Abraham laughed gently. "No Emily, we are much more than that, but at this point, you would neither be opened to know exactly who we are, or be able to understand. What you need to know of us is that we are who we are and that we are constantly seeking pathways that will lead to healing and saving those who have been infected by something much more serious than a microorganism. We are the ones who are constantly seeking a way to re-establish the harmony and balance that you just saw outside and we fight to stop one of the worst diseases of all; despair. You personally know about that particular disease, don't you? So you know what I am talking about. Despair, the disease of the heart, is what drove you to make the choice you made and it is also preventing the apple tree at the Glen of Past from healing. So, we are interested in finding a way to reverse the disease that is killing not just the apples, but the entire tree, and you."

My heart began to beat extra fast as Abraham's words sunk into my consciousness. So he knew about my darkness and its extent? But how? No one had ever known about my situation, so how could this man know?

"Tell me, Abraham, what is it that you wish to accomplish with me? What is it that you know about me?"

"Okay Emily, let me ask you this, wasn't your very soul being devoured by darkness you couldn't shake off, no matter what you did, just like these apples and that tree cannot get rid of their disease? Wasn't it you whose soul begged into the emptiness to be saved? Here it is, in a nutshell, what we want with you, Emily. We want to share this journey with you, and we want to help you find your answers. We just want to be a part of your life, as it is right now. Maybe this time around, you will let us."

At that last statement, I almost jumped up from my seat. What in the world did he mean by that? I had never, ever, known these guys, but they had hinted, and I had had that feeling before, that I somehow knew them. How?

Abraham stopped my movements by placing his hand on mine. I wanted to draw it away, but it seemed that my muscles were not responding to my chaotic brain. Then suddenly, as if a vacuum had just sucked everything in me, my panic, and anxiety, drained away, and I slumped back into my chair. As I looked into Abraham's astonishing eyes, I felt my heart quieting down and letting my doubts fly away. All right, this was one more thing for that treasure trove of unanswered questions that would be answered much later, I guessed.

"When you talk about a journey, what does that entail? I know I accepted Emmanuel's invitation, but to be honest, I am a bit worried about what I might come to face," I asked Abraham after my emotions had settled somewhat.

"The development of your journey will depend entirely on your choices and decisions and it will be they who will set the pace and direction for you and for us. What I can assure you of is that you will be taking a leap of faith here, literally, and you will be coming face to face with every single choice, and every single chance that became the paving stones of your pathway. You'll see yourself as you have never done before and you will come to see that you were never, not even once, alone during that path. You will get the answers that you have been seeking and in doing so you will find the healing that you have so desperately wanted to have. But it will not just be you who will be affected by this; as Michael told you before, your experience will touch and change the lives of many others. I will not yet tell you how this will be so, but you will learn it in due time."

Fear consumed me at that moment, at the mere idea of seeing myself as I was. I didn't think there could be anything positive to see or anything good that could come from me, so the idea of coming face to face with my own self, as if looking at the reflection of my soul, made my body become rigid in my seat and I began to visibly tremble.

"Emily, please calm down, you don't need to freak out. I know this is really strange to you, and that you have more questions than answers at the moment, but trust me, all will be answered in due time. Just take the leap of faith; it might turn out to be the best choice you have ever made," Abraham said, his voice now anxious as he took in my reaction to his earlier words.

Despite the gentle flow of calmness that I could feel coming from Abraham, I could not stop the shivers that were going down my spine.

The conflict inside me, between what a small portion of my heart wanted to do, which was to accept this crazy proposal, and that enormous alternate part of me, which was my pride as a strong and assertive woman, to not give in, raged on.

That was until I decided to look at Abraham's calm demeanor and realized that I had nothing more to lose. And maybe, if I chose to take that leap, I would find all my answers. If this turned out to be a bad choice, I could no longer hurt anyone; but if it was a good thing, it might help to erase my black void and finally find some peace.

"All right, let's have some dinner, and then we will go and rest a bit so that we can start our journey in the morning, okay?" Abraham said once he realized that I was calmer. "I just want to ask you for something; please be ready and keep an open mind. You will be experiencing a lot of things that you might not be prepared for. But I assure you this will be the only way to heal, and in the end, just like these apples were cleansed and reconnected to their tree, you will be cleansed and made whole. Give it a chance," Abraham said again, placing his hand on mine.

As Abraham finished talking, I simply closed my eyes and took a deep breath, feeling all the tension and anxiety I had been experiencing earlier, flushing away. I felt really tired at this point and I did not want to fight anymore. All my life, I had done nothing but be this composed, self-assured, strong, proud woman who controlled everything around her and rejected anything that she could not understand, explain, or handle and all I had gotten for it, was that huge black hole that had eaten me alive. So now, finally having been defeated by life itself, my pride and control having been turned to absolute smoke, I decided I did not wish to question things anymore; I chose to accept.

So, I nodded and then enjoyed the rest of the evening with these strange, but really warm and welcoming, guys, who weirdly enough, made me feel better.