Kenshin wants to be a writer

Even if I look disinterested, I'm dying from laughter inside.

It only started as a joke, I found it funny that someone would spend an exorbitant amount of money for a single one-shot, but I was curious so I tried.

And man, Yae's characters were so fun to write. Probably because her talent as a writer and centuries of reading whatever she could made her able to write real people on a piece of paper.

Anyway, I wrote the one-shot in an hour. And the guy who commissioned it loved it, so he told other people. Before long, I had a group of die-hard fans.

When Yae learned about this, she felt it was funny, she had already seen a lot of people doing this with other novels.

But as you heard, she was extremely angry with this mysterious guy and I saw it and laughed a lot inwardly.

I continued doing this just to have fun as Yae was extremely amusing when she was like this.

"Good luck, the fact that you haven't found him even after sending the full Shuumatsuban to catch him is impressive" I subtly mocked her. She was supposed to be the most cunning person in the whole country, and even with a cheat in the form of trained ninjas, she was losing this battle of wits.

I only had to bribe Sayu, and she did all for me. It never passed through Yae's head that the culprit could be by her side, and even bribing the same ninja she was sending to investigate the guy. 

Sooner or later I would be caught, I was not going to great lengths to hide it, and the day I got caught I would learn that there was a second hidden Archon here, the Archon of Pain, but I was having fun.

"You are having fun, aren't you" said Yae with a frown.

"Yes" I admitted with a serious face.

"I see. Maybe I should let you go to the Shogun to talk with her about anything" she said with a mischievous smile.

"I apologize" I promptly ask for mercy. Talking with the Shogun is dreadful. You see, she doesn't get the sarcasm, she only hears the literal meaning.

I was in a meeting when the theme of the day was 'the Day of the Houses', where all 3 houses would make an exhibition about their responsibilities in managing the affairs of Inazuma. It was supposed to serve as a method to let the people know a bit more about how the hermetic system of ruling in Inazuma worked.

Simply put, it was a day when the 3 ruling families would compete to see whose phallus was bigger.

Anyway, when I heard what the Kujou house was planning, I muttered 'kill me now'. That Kujou dumbass was going to talk for hours, bragging about how his ancestor fought side to side with the Shogun.

But the Shogun heard my muttering and nodded. Why would she nod?

She took her naginata, and I had to drop to the floor to avoid being bisected. Sensing souls saved me this time.

And believe me, that caught all of us off guard. And yet that traitorous tengu had the gall to have a conflicted look.

That woman is the biggest simp I have ever seen.

Anyway, I'm a pretty sarcastic guy, so now I'm afraid of opening my mouth in front of the Shogun.

"Just leave that, people will get tired of smut. Speaking of smut, did you ever get frisky with your 'dear friend'" I'm very curious about that.

Yae looked in shock at me.

"What did this come from?".

"This" I handed her another smutty book, and yes, you guessed it.

"This bastard again" she muttered with anger.

"Indeed. What a vile bastard" I nonchalantly said. "But as you said, it's well written".

Haha, I see what you are thinking. Dumbass, how are you reading?.

Well, the answer is Guizhong again. Using some shady ritual in Liyue combined with Adeptus arts, she has discovered a way to make an ink that has the soul of an insect or a plant in it. So I can use it to write.

And after that a lot of things came, now I have a 'soul water' that I can throw in a book, and the water would adhere to the ink, allowing me to see. It's extremely expensive, but I have more money than this piss-poor country has.

"Let me see" she shouted and stole the book from my open palm.

I am curious about her reaction. This book is being sold right now in the 'smut black market', so even if she tries to stop it, in an hour almost a hundred books will be sold.

"And the Priestess' pink tongue devoured the object of her devotion, her mouth traveling through the sweet body of her Goddess, going down from the neck, her soft chest, her toned belly....what the hell is this". Ah, she was seething now.

"As you said, he writes well, so I was curious about the veracity of this. I could see it happening". Of course I do, that's why I wrote the book. Well, I don't think she is interested in the female half of the situation, but teasing her a 'little' is harmless.

"Do you think I would do it?". She was getting even angrier now.

"Of course. You must have been bored out of your mind for centuries, maybe a bit of inoffensive fun was something at some point" I nodded sagely.

"Why are you sounding almost eager to confirm it?" she asked with a frown.

"I don't know. Maybe I can blackmail the Shogun with that". It would be nice.

"She will cut you down in a second" she laughed.

"And then everyone in Inazuma will know that she tried to silence me, so I was speaking the truth" I pointed. Dying for this is not a bad way to go.

"Why are you so antagonistic towards her?" asked seriously Yae.

"I am not throwing a tantrum about her anymore. I just ran out of people to mess with, and your 'dear friend' could use some fun. There is something extremely captivating about teasing lightning itself, a mix of risk and satisfaction I can't get enough of". Maybe I was addicted to 'playing with fire'.

"People are adoring her, and you only think about poking fun at her" said an amused Yae.

"Please, I know 4 Gods counting her, and every one of them can reduce me to a subatomic state in a second". But I admit she is the most imposing one.

"Are you still on about that boy in Monstadt?" she tiredly said.

"You are not believing me now, but when Celestia burns to cinders from his special move, you will come back here crawling and begging for forgiveness" I said to her in a completely serious tone.

"I will wait for it then" she amusedly said.

"Now Yae, how was your week?". It was a new habit we have, every week we would talk about what happened those past 7 days, and often we ended up talking about completely different things.

It wasn't therapy, just a moment where we could be honest with someone. She was a youkai, and she had a few things she couldn't talk about with other people now that her 'dear friend' was on a trip to become a monk with how much she was meditating.

"Good, I finished writing my third volume and started selling my second one. I don't expect it to sell much though" she amusedly said. She was a new writer, but she wasn't so insecure to get depressed because of low sales.

"I still love it though. It's just that people nowadays like other genres" I said with a pondering expression.

"Aah, those 'isekai' things. Is the world so boring that they need to travel to another to have some fun?" she asked to herself.1

"Of course. Some people have Visions, and they are the closest thing to superpowers, but the vast majority can only look. Reading those isekai novels is their way to live their fantasies through the protagonist" I shrugged.

"Do you think people here are unsatisfied with their lives so much that they need to 'escape' through these books?" she asked curiously at me.

And this is like how we are always getting derailed from our topic. But I welcome it.

"How can they not? People here live a common life, there is no way to go up in the hierarchy ladder. You will only be able to work your whole life, but you can only go down and never up. At a certain point, you will be stopped by the clans, and they love to hoard their power. But I don't want to talk about that, I have enough of them during the week". To the point I'm sick just seeing Ayato's face, he reminds me of those mind-numbing sessions.

"Then do you think everyone wants to have a 'superpower' like a Vision?" she asked me again.

"Yae, think before you speak. Who doesn't?" it was obvious that everybody wanted to feel special, and nobody could think of a better way than to be 'chosen' by a God.

"And what about you?" she asked with an impish smile, sitting by my side.

Now we were both in the corner of my room, looking at the whole Inazuma through the open door. Well, Yae is looking at the landscape, I am looking at all the little lights that represent Inazuma citizens' souls.

"Why would I want that? I'm way stronger than anything a freebie from a God can give me, and I never had problems believing that I'm special. Of course, I never believed myself to be more or better than others, just different. But again, there are no people who are the same, so in a way, everybody is special and unique".

"But I'm sure the man inside of you wants to shoot beams" she lightly laughed.

"Well, yes. I do" I have to admit it.

"What element would you like to control?" she asked me with a pondering expression. "I'm stuck with lighting, but maybe Anemo could be good, you can prank anybody and fly in the air".

"Yae, out of every Anemo Vision-holder I know, only the Archon can fly" I said with a wry smile. "But I get what you mean. Hmm, I would probably like Anemo too. That way I could fly to Mondstadt or Liyue and be back for dinner".

"Come on, that is just a practical use" she complained with an inner pout. "I'm asking about what would satisfy your chuuni fantasies".

"Thankfully, I never had many of those. But probably.....Geo. Dropping meteors is too cool" I have to admit it. Geo is the most boring element, after all, you can use rocks but that's not as exciting as shooting beams or fireballs. But when the rock comes from the sky and is bigger than a house, things change.

"You know that that's not a fantasy right?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It is when I probably won't have a Vision in my whole life" I shrugged. I'm not going to let anyone take a part of my soul and stuff it in a piece of metal.

"Maybe" Yae nodded.

We talked for a few hours, and the sun gradually hid over the horizon. By the time we finished talking, the moon was our source of light, for Yae at least.

"Ah, Yae, before I forget. The person I bought this book from told me that she had a few copies, so I bought them too. I was impressed by such a work of art, so I sent a copy to Ganyu and Guizhong, so now you can have a new topic of conversation" I informed her with a calm voice.

"What?! You know how gullible she is, she is going to think I'm having an affair with the Shogun!" she was alarmed now.

She liked pranking and teasing people, but not so much when she was the victim.

"Don't worry, from what I know, Guizhong's 'copy' machine is being sold in Inazuma now, so there will be a lot of books about this tomorrow. They will be shipped to Liyue tomorrow, probably, so everyone can know about your little affair" I nodded sagely again. It feels good to spread love and chaos. Specially chaos.

"I'm not having an affair!" Yae shouted, and I could feel her anger quickly reaching her boiling point.

Of course, I know they don't have that kind of relationship, and never will, but I can't wait to see the Shogun's reaction.

"But they don't know about it. And of course, humans being humans, they will believe everything they see in a book" I shrugged. "So even if you didn't have that affair, by tomorrow a few countries will believe you had. And by being the majority, a few thousand against one, you will have effectively had an affair. You can't be the only one right? I think a thousand people can't be mistaken. That's the magic of democracy, where the minorities can get slaughtered or tortured under the beautiful notion of 'majority rules'".

She looked murderous now, and I couldn't blame her. Her reputation is probably not going to take a hit, but it will definitely change a bit.

"Ah, I also sent them to the guys at Watatsumi. They are having a hard time, so maybe reading about this will cheer them up" I explained my last actions.

"Are you enjoying this?" she darkly muttered.

"A lot" I honestly replied with a smile.

"Then I should write about one of those 'yaoi' books where you and Ayato are sharing some of his weird drink with the same straw" she teased me, and I knew that she was able to do it.

"Do it, I don't care. People already think I'm a weirdo, nobody cares about that" I dismissed her threat with a wave of my hand.

She looked furious. She of course knew how eccentric I was, and that I told the truth. People wouldn't care if it wasn't about a hot woman. 

How sad.

"Anyway, I need to sleep now. I have to work again tomorrow. Maybe I shouldn't sleep now, that way I can sleep during tomorrow's meeting". What a dilemma.

Yae didn't answer, just left while stomping on the floor, and I knew that she was not going to sleep. She needs to write to Ganyu and every other important person that could read this book.

I know that she is not going to let this slide, and I would find myself extremely angered by the prank she would make me suffer, but it was okay.

Even if she gets her revenge, nobody can erase how much fun I'm having now.