Back to that place
I left the manor. I was alone.
I was walking down the path that leads to the ranch.
I was not expecting a ranch in this weird place.
Did the horses commit any sins for them to be in this funny world?
They were white horses. So many of them in this tiny ranch. The place was well kept.
You know what is worse than death?
It is forgetting who you are, your name, your ambitions and most importantly; loosing yourself.
I don't know what happened, who did I kill to be here?
This is serious. What will happen to me now?
Will I return to my world? What will happen to me if I remember? I am afraid of discovering all the atrocity that I committed? Did I kill Michelle? Was she someone I cared about? I am afraid of losing my memories and living as an empty box but in the same time I worry about my past, who am I?
I need to know what kind of person I am.
That is why I need to remember.
That is when I will decide about what happens next.
I was sitting on the pill of grass next to the horses.
As I was drowning (in my thoughts) someone sat down next to me.
-You are here, that was cool...the way you got up from the dinner table. I never found the courage
-Arno...
-It must be hard, to not remember anything but trust me. Everything will be fine...
-who did you kill to be in this place?
-I killed Sofia
-Who is Sofia?
-Someone I knew. She got on my nerves so I killed her
-For some reason, I don't believe you
-It is simple; I was not telling the truth
-... If you are going to be like this, then, I am leaving
-Sofia was my mother; she died when she gave birth to me
-How is that possible? So you've been here since the start? Like you spent just a few seconds in the previous world?
-Yes, I was a baby when I came here.
Poleine found me.
The madam just gave birth to Joy, so we were some kind of twins.
We grew up together, she took care of me, and it felt like I was her child in another life?
-This is so confusing...and how old are you?
-I am 22 years old, and you?
-I am 19... I recovered some of my memory
-Do you mind telling me?
-When Joy came back with all that pill of clothes I had some kind of déjà vu, someone was throwing clothes at me.
We were fighting.
That person, I think she was called Michelle.
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Michelle:
It is the same, like before... you failed this exam, again.
Which makes it even worse is that you keep comparing yourself to others. I do not care about what they think; I just do not give a damn about them.
Stop screwing around!
Making pointless scenarios about useless boys.
Did it help? You had fun?
Where your friends useful? Did they help you improve your grades? No.
You all kept fooling around ... NO DON'T YOU DARCRY NOW!
DO NOT DO IT? MICHELLE!
I did not raise you to cry foolishly, I am here to guide you.
If you do not pass the exams, you will be failing all of us!
Me, you and Michelle!
Yumei: I am sorry, it was hard. I tried my best
Michelle: stop saying that a seven the best you can get!
Do not go telling me that your friends had more dramatic marks!
Yumei: why don't you listen, I do care!
Michelle: prove it! CUT YOUR HAIR! Now!
Yumei: Cutting my hair will prove nothing, it has nothing to do with my grades!
Michelle: Stop giving excuses! Cut it!
Yumei: do not come near me!
DROP THEM.
PLEASE.
STOP IT MICHELLE.
I BEG YOU.
I AM NOT HAPPY.
DO NOT HARM ME.
I don't deserve this.
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I started breathing again, I did not realize it but I was holding my breath as I was telling this to Arno.
He froze.
I guess it was pretty dark for him to hear that, in his world it may seems sweet and empty.
I don't think he can understand how sour the real world can be.
He did not say a word, he kept looking at me.
Probably trying to process what I told him.
-how can you remember what happened when you were just a newborn?
-don't change the topic, yet... Does this explain you harming yourself?
-harming myself? Self-harm?
-Yumei, you got that scar on your cheek after remembering this, am I right?
-I AM NOT! I was not harming myself... It was like I lost control over my body for a second: my hand grabbed the scissors to cut my hair but the other one tried to stop it from doing it, which is how I got that wound.
-...I don't remember what happened but giving the fact that I was still covered in blood and warm.
Poleine assumed I was a newborn.
-I see
We did not talk about this again.
I went back to the house,
Arno said he had something to do. So I went alone.
It was clear: He was avoiding me.
Poleine was waiting for me in front of the front door to guide me to my room, for some reasons I chose the room with the garden view.
Was I avoiding the water?
Why?
Poleine: this will be your room from now on, if you need something... feel free... to tell me.
-I will keep this in mind, thank you.