interesing history. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just one tip: you could make a chapter at the beginning, where you would put the worlds you visit, the girls, what you will do, so that what comes next is not lost, several readers always get lost when names appear or forget it, it would be better for him reader and for you put the names of important people and their girls.

the authors use trash talking too much, although sometime it will be funny but if you use too much it will become digusting. the background setting none, author didnt tell us about the world he is in,i know it is fanfiction but sometime people who hasnt read or watching it o it is better to tell us in broef about the world. character development 0,

The grammar could use a little work. That said, the book stands out as compared to others of the same Trope in this site. The mc is interesting in the earlier chapters and I'm curious to see his character development.

more chapter autor please. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good , good

Your story seems interesting, if you want it to be more striking, I would recommend that you put a more striking image and some labels, with a more detailed synopsis.

get a couple chapters in and you'll see how ridiculous this story is its dumb Because if i had to go through the pain of reading it so will you. I had a little hope this would be good i was wrong very wrong. some people might like it but its not for me.some people might like it but its not for me.Some people might might like it but its just not for me.

The author isnt really good at writing stories as a whole. But more of rushing the details and just explaining what he does and not how or why he does it.