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MWse

MWse

Lv1

I'm a 24 years old man, studying Illustration and Design in the United Kingdom. I discovered the joy of writing in Jan 2020, and now It's one of my hobbies. I hope you enjoy my novel :)

2020-08-21 Se unióGlobal
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33
  • MWse
    MWse1yr
    Publicado por

    The writing quality is not bad. There are close to no major writing mistakes, only small ones. Please try to put the phrases in small paragraphs, because you spread them too much. I've noticed that from chapter 5 you start to describe your story more as a reporter would tell the news and less like an ongoing story. It would be best if you visualised your characters while writing. From a present, step-by-step peace you start writing about it like a past event ( where there is no interaction or dialogue, just descriptive ). The character design is very good, nothing to say about it.

    Stealing The Protagonist’s Yandere Lovers
    Fantasía · Sheizzcoldasice
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse1yr
    Comentado por

    Here too as in other places. At the end of the phrase use dot (.)

    Este párrafo ha sido eliminado.
    Stealing The Protagonist’s Yandere Lovers
    Fantasía · Sheizzcoldasice
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse1yr
    Comentado por

    got a small writing mistake here

    Este párrafo ha sido eliminado.
    Stealing The Protagonist’s Yandere Lovers
    Fantasía · Sheizzcoldasice
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse1yr
    respondió a AWHavoc

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I appreciate!

    The Archives Of A Summoner
    Fantasía · MWse
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse1yr
    respondió a Mcintoshstar

    Thank you for the honest review! ^ ^

    The Archives Of A Summoner
    Fantasía · MWse
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse1yr
    respondió a Wyvern550

    I hoped I didn't give too less details about the characters. I'm glad it was a satisfying result

    The Archives Of A Summoner
    Fantasía · MWse
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse1yr
    respondió a Sheizzcoldasice

    Thanks for your review!

    The Archives Of A Summoner
    Fantasía · MWse
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse1yr
    respondió a Wyvern550
    He was taking his job seriously. I couldn't be more proud of him.
    The Archives Of A Summoner
    Fantasía · MWse
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse1yr
    Comentado por

    Tell me something new 🤣

    Ch 5 Chapter 5 - Year 1632, Day 2
    The Archives Of A Summoner
    Fantasía · MWse
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse1yr
    Publicado por

    The writing quality isn't bad. But the mistake I've noticed in several places is that you use punctuation (,) at the end of many dialogues instead of (./!/?). Or you forget to put (?) when someone asks something. Another mistake(not necessarily grammar) is that you leave too often blank spaces between your phrases. It's ok to leave a blank space from time to time, for example between 2 people's dialogue or spread a description in multiple smaller pieces; but leaving a blank space between every one or two phrases of a few words is a hard no! I didn't read the whole story so I'll give 5* to Story Development. As well as for character design, in the parts that I read, I didn't see anything that told me about the characters, so I leave it 4*. The world background is almost nonexistent, In every chapter should be an amount of description which says where are the characters, how is the weather, is it cold/warm, the senses of smell/sight/hearing etc. In the last two chapters, I saw only dialogue with not enough information about where the action happens. I hope this review will be helpful!

    SEDUCING TRENT VANDERWOOD
    Fantasía · Codeblack54
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse1yr
    Comentado por

    close the " where the dialogue ends

    "Am just pitying him, his position has been taken over by a Nineteen years old boy. Is a shame. Trent shook his head looking sad.
    SEDUCING TRENT VANDERWOOD
    Fantasía · Codeblack54
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse2yr
    Publicado por

    There were some small but repetitive writing mistakes. The story seems easy to read, but make sure to read the story once or twice slowly, to notice when a phrase is confusing. The character design and world background are close to none, but I can't help but give 5 stars since there's not much you can add to a single chapter. I like the way you phrase the description. The chapter itself is pretty tiny, but this is just a personal opinion. Overall, the story is engaging and has potential. Keep up with good work!

    Diana
    Fantasía · Mcintoshstar
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse2yr
    Comentado por

    "Your Highness, as happy as I am to see you, is there"

    "Your highness, as happy as I am too see you is there something you want to discuss? Not everyday a prince takes the opportunity to strike up a conversation with the daughter of a mere Baron." Octavia asked taking the smallest sips of the wine to keep her composed and beautiful aura.
    Diana
    Fantasía · Mcintoshstar
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse2yr
    Comentado por

    Is the king speaking or thinking in the last sentence? I don't see neither" " nor ' ' .

    "It's to celebrate her achievements, not her death." the king retorted starting to get upset. How dare Marcus made it seemed as if he didn't care?
    Diana
    Fantasía · Mcintoshstar
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse2yr
    respondió a Mark_Tyler_0762

    Everyone does 👌

    Altered plane: I am a boss class monster
    Fantasía · Mark_Tyler_0762
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse2yr
    respondió a Mhizta_Ray

    I'm glad!

    Ch 3 Chapter 3 - Year 1632, Day 2
    The Archives Of A Summoner
    Fantasía · MWse
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse2yr
    respondió a GODOFCAT
    **Author: For mobile users, please drag down your finger on the screen to see the Prologue before continuing with chapter one.**
    The Archives Of A Summoner
    Fantasía · MWse
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse2yr
    respondió a WorthyAdversary

    I think I remember something

    When it came to my personal life, I was the family's black sheep. I wasn't mistreated, or at the very least, I wasn't shown that I had been. During a typical day, my primary responsibility was ironically to see after the 6 sheep we kept for milk, meat, and fur.
    The Archives Of A Summoner
    Fantasía · MWse
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse2yr
    respondió a hyemi_m

    Thank you!

    Nonetheless, since we were children, our father has taught us that living in a small village is the most unsafe place to be; "You are safer when you put yourself in a danger that you can overcome, than in a danger of what you are not aware of, or strong enough to fight against." he used to say.
    The Archives Of A Summoner
    Fantasía · MWse
    detail
  • MWse
    MWse2yr
    Publicado por

    Your work is much better than mine. Besides some minor grammar mistakes that can be easily overlooked, there seems to be no problem whatsoever. I can say for sure that you found the "sweet spot" between describing the environment where the action happens, the relation between the characters, and the dialogue. And, yes.. the description is top-notch. Nothing too detailed, but neither missing. I suggest that you think about having some scenes where the characters chat/do their hobbies and let us know their personality better/get closer to them. But make sure it's interesting by adding something fun or intriguing.

    Altered plane: I am a boss class monster
    Fantasía · Mark_Tyler_0762
    detail