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Shuyuka

Shuyuka

Lv1

I want to create a novel.... one that can touch the hearts of many like the manga and anime I used to read. It sound's cliché, but that's my dream

2020-06-02 Se unióUnited Nations
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4.2h

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29
  • Shuyuka
    Shuyuka3 years ago
    Publicado por

    It was a pretty interesting read. Writing style was clean and easy to follow and the plot definitely is going in an interesting direction. This story would be perfect for a Visual Novel or something like that. Updates are consistent so you'll always have chapters to read whenever. One critique I think I may have is that there are a lot of opportunities to capitalize on ways to endear the audience to characters that are a bit passed up on (Usage of dialogue, possible character quirks, etc) and there tends to be a lot of information dumps instead of letting certain things be discovered through the story. Definitely not a dealbreaker, I hope to see what this author makes in the future!

    Este libro ha sido eliminado.
  • Shuyuka
    Shuyuka3 years ago
    Publicado por

    Enjoyable read. Writing style was clear and easy to follow, while it’a early to comment on how the story will go I have high hopes for this story!

    Este libro ha sido eliminado.
  • Shuyuka
    Shuyuka3 years ago
    Publicado por

    New Review since the old one is outdated now. Author went back and updated their chapters. Definitely a lot of potential and amazing to read. TLDR: It got better.

  • Shuyuka
    Shuyuka3 years ago
    Publicado por

    I really enjoyed this read and the concept was actually refreshing to see among the oversaturation of system and isekai novels. The Joker himself is a very interesting character and his motives are oddly simple, but it leaves room to showcase why he wants what he wants. There can be a bit of a roadblock due to the grammar a lot of the time with the princess' pronouns changing from time to time and a few other things but overall, this was an enjoyable read. Keep up the good work!

  • Shuyuka
    Shuyuka3 years ago
    Publicado por

    Overview I think that “My System's AI Is a Weeb?” is a difficult read. There is a lot that the writer has to work on and in the three currently released chapters it’s very apparent, but in the same vein it’s also apparent that this author really wants to improve since just from Chapter 1-3 things that would make any reader want to drop the book in an instant are quickly fixed and stop being a problem. Writing Style The dialogue can be very clunky at times and doesn’t always pair well with scenes being set and specific emotions that should be felt. I think that the author could benefit from developing their own voice as well as the voice of the specific narrator. Most of the time it’s best to stick to 1 POV per chapter to prevent confusion and to allow things to flow better. Sometimes wording or grammar can feel out of place but when it comes to self-published works it's hard to get an experienced editor to look over these things. All in all, I think there’s a lot to be worked on, but I think the author is already making steps in the right direction. For example, the Narrator for the 3rd Chapter, Trey is a very good example of good Author’s Voice for 1st person POV Plot/Story Concept In all honesty I think the story takes a while to set up the actual concept and dilemma, which in certain situations can be fine but for a system it's a bit harder to pull off since the intrigue and mystique comes from the system and how the MC will use it so it's best to set those things up earlier and elaborate on things like Silius and his relationship with his mother alongside other things at a later date. (Even if it is cute and wholesome and I love it) The World There isn't one to see quite yet, it has the concept of inequality being built up and seeing Silius experience it from his naive eyes is interesting since it will be from a child's perspective and not some kind of childish protag that's somehow 17-22 years old. Definitely has potential. Synopsis I think for a genre as oversaturated as the System Genre is I think that it doesn't stand out like it needs to. It has a very basic explanation and might even mislead you to think of a more basic premise for a system rather than the interesting angle of who Silius is as an MC and such. I think the questions at the end don't serve the purpose and only act as lip service. I think evaluating what you want the story to be about and basically centering the synopsis on that factor will be good and if the first chapters have to be rewritten to better reflect what the story is about. Overall, there was a lot I liked character wise but it's a lot of work that had to be done to get me there. Oddly enough I still liked the story for what I was given [Review Posted the release of chapter 3]

  • Shuyuka
    Shuyuka3 years ago
    respondió a Applelumi

    You'll have to continue reading on VoyceMe, sorry for not being thorough with explaining >.< But you'll be able to see a lot more things like my Chapter headers and formatting things, so I hope you'll continue following it!

  • Shuyuka
    Shuyuka3 years ago
    Publicado por

    I really enjoyed the read, hooked from the first chapter. I like the Author's voice as a writer as well as how the plot is developing, I'm excited to see what lies ahead

  • Shuyuka
    Shuyuka3 years ago
    Publicado por

    Writing was easy to comprehend, plot shows a lot of potential. [img=recommend]

  • Shuyuka
    Shuyuka3 years ago
    Publicado por

    I enjoyed the read. The story Is developing nicely. The Author does a good job on descriptions. It will be cool to see how the story develops from where it is