C-29: The Test

The day started like any other—peaceful by Underworld standards. I was attending to the myriad petitions and disputes that came with ruling both the dead and Olympus. Then Hermes burst into the throne room, throwing the peace of the day out the window.

The young god—if he could even be called that yet—strode in with an air of confidence so unearned it bordered on reckless. His winged sandals clattered against the marble floor as he stopped dead center, a grin plastered on his youthful face.

"I am Hermes, son of Maia!" he declared, puffing out his chest. "And I have come to claim the hand of the radiant Apolla in marriage!"

The throne room fell into stunned silence.

From my place on the grand black marble throne, I leaned forward, rubbing my temples. "You what?"

"Marry me, Apolla!" Hermes turned, looking at my adopted daughter with a boyish grin. She sat beside Melinoe, who stared at him as though he were a particularly curious pest. Apolla's face burned red, but whether from embarrassment or rage, I couldn't yet tell.

"Hermes, is it?" I said, my voice deceptively calm.

He turned to me, still grinning like a fool. "Yes, King Hades. I know I'm not officially on the council, but I—"

I stood, letting my shadow stretch across the throne room. Hermes stopped mid-sentence, his grin faltering.

"Let me make something very clear," I said, my voice echoing with the weight of the Underworld. "No one walks into my throne room and makes demands of my family. Least of all a godling who has yet to earn his place among us."

After I had Hermes scraped off the floor (courtesy of a thoroughly annoyed Ares), the council convened to decide what to do with him.

"I'll give him this," Hephaestus said, adjusting his forge apron as he leaned against his throne. "The boy's got guts. No brains, but guts."

Poseidon stroked his beard. "I'm inclined to send him back to Maia with a note that says 'try again in a century.'"

"Why waste time?" Hera said, her icy tone cutting through the room. "He walked into Hades' throne room and insulted us all. The punishment should be swift and severe."

Apolla crossed her arms, still fuming as he flipped her blonde hair. "I don't want anything to do with that boy."

Yet, despite the overwhelming disdain, there was something about Hermes. He had potential, even if it was buried under layers of arrogance and naivety. After some deliberation, the council agreed to put him through a series of tests—a secret trial to determine if he was worthy of a place among us.

As Hermes stumbled his way through the trials, another disruption arrived in the form of a mortal named Dionysus. Wherever this man went, chaos followed. He had an uncanny knack for fermenting grapes, creating a drink he called wine. Mortals flocked to him in droves, intoxicated by his charisma and the effects of his inventions. I mean... I honestly didn't care as I had a vault of different alcholic beverages. Sure nectar was great but since I could drink wiith no problem of course I would use my knowledge to recreate something from my old life. 

Anyways he stumbled into Olympus one evening, drunk and radiant, declaring himself "the God of Parties" and demanding recognition.

The council was less than amused.

"I have never seen someone so unfit for godhood," Hera muttered as Dionysus tipped an imaginary hat at her.

"But he has brought something new to the mortals," Hestia said thoughtfully. "Wine has brought them joy, for better or worse."

After much debate, Dionysus was granted minor godhood, named the God of Wine and Alcohol, with the caveat that Hebe would train him. His exuberance made him a constant thorn in everyone's side, but even I had to admit there was something endearing about his relentless optimism.

Something was bugging me though, Atlas was marble and yet several of his childrens were just showing up out of nowhere. I had Artemis bring me some of their blood and in mere minutes I was in my lab studying their blood and taking the sliver of soul in it to see the truth. I did also take my younger childrens blood and Athenas as well. 

And let me tell you that after a while, I was not even surprised with the results.. well there was one surprise. 

In the case of Artemis, Apolla, Hermes, and Dionysus... Zeus was the father.

In the case of Athena, Atlas was the father.

"Zeus," I said, the name falling from my lips like a curse. "Of course that idiot is going around playing with the females, the problem is I wonder where that fool has even went to.

<-------------- >

The results of the tests for Hermes and Dionysus played out exactly as I had anticipated, though the paths they took couldn't have been more different.

Hermes excelled in every trial, surprising even the harsher members of the council. He demonstrated remarkable ingenuity, quick thinking, and a charisma that was both infuriating and endearing. By the end, it was clear he deserved a seat on the council. He was formally named the God of Travelers, Merchants, Thieves, Boundaries, Language, and Messages—a multifaceted role befitting his sly, ambitious nature.

I had to admit, watching him constantly vie for Apolla's attention was as amusing as it was annoying.

It turned out Hermes had been enamored with Apolla long before his dramatic entrance into Olympus.

"Do you know," he confessed to the council with an impish grin, "the first thing I ever did as a newborn god was steal cattle? I couldn't even walk properly yet!"

Apolla raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. "I'm aware. My cattle, if I recall correctly. The ones gifted to me by Helios."

Hermes winced but pressed on. "Right! About that—I was just a curious kid! I didn't mean to…" He trailed off under her withering glare before adding, "I fixed it! Didn't I fix it?"

"You tried to return them by tying branches to their tails to hide their tracks," Apolla said dryly. "And you still left hoofprints everywhere."

The council laughed, though I could see Apolla struggling to keep a smile from breaking through her irritation. I'd noticed her softening toward Hermes lately. While she claimed he was just "an amusing nuisance," I knew her better than that. There was a flicker of interest, not that it mattered, since I could see her heart was set elsewhere. Someone else on the council had caught her eye, I do belive that everyone but Hermes and her crush already knew it. 

Dionysus was a different story altogether. The moment his trials began, it was clear the man was ill-suited for the role he sought. His tests revealed a mind more preoccupied with drinking and being lazy than responsibility.

Despite this, he remained defiant. When the council ultimately voted against granting him a seat among us, he erupted in fury.

"This is an outrage!" he bellowed, wine sloshing from his goblet as he rose to his feet. "I've brought joy to mortals! Innovation! Festivities they've never dreamed of! And you deny me a place among the Olympians?"

"It's not just about what you've brought to mortals," I said, my tone cold. "It's about discipline, responsibility, and the ability to serve the greater good. You have proven incapable of these things."

Dionysus' eyes burned with rage. "Then I'll take what you refuse to give me!" He lunged toward me, drunk on both wine and arrogance.

Before he got within a step, Zagreus and Ares intercepted him, their combined strength pinning him to the ground. Ares looked to me for direction, his grip firm but awaiting orders.

"You've sealed your fate, Dionysus," I said, stepping forward. I crouched beside Dionysus, whose defiance flickered under my shadow. "You will not be part of the council. You will not be an Olympian. And now, you will not even keep the title of godhood. As King of the gods I banish you to live a mortal life. Enjoy the rest of your life, when you die pray that you arn't consumed by my Pythagora."

I leaned on my throne as he screamed, thrashing under Zagreus and Ares, but it was futile. The light in his eyes dimmed as the power drained away, leaving him mortal once more.

I stood and waved to the two dismissivly. "Take him to the mortal realm. He is banished from Olympus."