Entrée De Journal Onze: Honesty, please.

Soo, I've decided that I'm going to talk to Nico about being honest with me. I realized while writing my last entrée that I never actually asked him to be honest with me. I always just assumed he would be.

I should have known that he'd have trust issues. I mean, why did I not think of that?

Percy brings him to Camp and then takes his sister on a quest, promising her safety, and then she never comes back.

Being welcomed into Camp, but then unwelcomed after his claimage.

Leaving Camp and going all over the world to try and find out more about his family, only to then lure Percy to Hades for information.

Hades then tricked Nico, and captured them both.

We didn't see Nico for several months after that. We didn't see him until the Battle of Manhattan, in fact.

After the Battle, and a few months later, Nico was kidnapped. We all know about that.

He didn't even know if the Seven were going to come for him or if they were just going to leave him for dead.

I don't think he's trusted anybody since his sister passed. I don't blame him, but he does need to open up more if he wants to get better.

But, the thing is, I don't even know if he wants to get better or if I'm just forcing him into all of this.

I guess the only way to find out is by talking to him?

I'm not on the schedule today to work a shift at the infirmary, so I'll be able to head in there and not have to worry about going between all the different campers and Nico in there. I can just focus on Nico.

I'm not going to take this with me, so I'll just write everything down when I get back to my cabin.

☀☀☀

So, now that I'm back in my cabin, here's how everything went:

As I walked into Nicos room, the first thing I saw was him standing. He wasn't supposed to be standing.

"You need to sit back down, Nico," I said, walking over to him slowly.

"I cannot sit in that cot for any longer or else I'm going to lose my mind," He said, frustrated.

"Okay, tell me what's wrong," I said, taking a seat on the cot, myself.

"Everything! Everything is wrong, Will! Don't you understand that?"

"Explain it to me, please,"

"I have been stuck in a jar barely holding onto life for the past month of my life, I have never been in one spot longer than a week. I feel so fucking claustrophobic right now, I feel like I'm trapped and I can't get out," He yelled.

"Okay, do you want to take a walk outside?"

"No, I don't want to go outside! I don't need people seeing me right now," He sighed,

"Okay, what do you want to do, right now, Nico?" I asked, "We can do whatever you need to do,"

I knew he was having a panic attack, I also knew what he needed to do in order to stop it, but with him not being good with physical contact, grounding him wasn't an option unless he stated so.

"I don't know! I need-" He breathed, "I need tightness,"

"Okay, how do you want to go about doing that?" I asked,

"Just- get over here, please," I got up and walked over to him, waiting for him to back out if he needed to. I slowly opened my arms up and got closer to him.

"Is this okay?" I asked,

"Closer, please," He cried, so I got closer to him and wrapped my arms tightly, as tight as I could around him. He was thin, too thin for his age and height.

I held him for about ten minutes before he had finally calmed down enough to be let go.

"You can let go now. I'm fine," He said.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, "I know you're not very willing to open up, but it will make you feel better,"

"I know that," He said, "But, you have to understand that I don't trust people very easily,"

"Who do you trust enough to talk about this with?"

"Nobody," He said at first, then whispered, "Jason,"

"Do you want me to get Jason?"

"No, he'll only freak out and then tell Percy,"

"I can just tell him we need help with something in the infirmary, something related to his powers?"

"Like what?" He grumbled, developing an attitude at this point.

"Light bulb went out and we need to see if he can fix it. Herme's kids decided to pull a prank and covered the floor with glitter and his wind powers would get it out faster. I can list a few more if you need me to."

"No, I understand," Nico said,

"Do you want me to get him?"

"It's up to you and him." He shrugged.

"I'll be right back then." I said, and stepped out of him room in search of Jason.

☀☀☀

It took me an hour to find the son of Zeus. Not sure why it took that long, but it did. The best part? He wasn't even hiding. He and Piper were sitting on the stairs leading up to the Big House as I walked up to the two of them.

"Hey guys," I started,

"Hi, Will!" Piper greeted, "Is there anything we can help you with?"

"Uh, yeah, actually, but this only requires Jason. Sorry, Piper," I said, looking at Jason, hoping he'd understand what I'm getting at.

He nodded at me, and said, "Okay, show me what you need! I'll see you later?" He asked Piper, she nodded. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and followed me towards the infirmary.

"It's Nico isn't it?" He asked, I nodded, "You could've said that with Piper there, y'know."

"He doesn't want anybody else knowing besides you and me. He's kind of embarrassed and I'm not even sure how much he'll talk to you, but he's been opening up to me a lot lately."

"He needs to open up more, it's not good for him to hold up everything he's been through. I understand he doesn't want to burden people with his problems, but he can't handle it all himself." I nodded in agreement as we entered the infirmary silently. I walked Jason to Nico's room, and opened the door.

"Hey, Nico," I knocked, "I brought Jason, I'm going to check your vitals real quick before I leave you two to talk."

"Can you stay?" He asked, looking at me.

"If it's okay with Jason, too." I looked at Jason as he nodded.

"I have to tell him something in private real quick but I want you to come in after that."

"Okay, that's fine. Have Jason come get me when you're done, I'll probably be in the break room with the food."

"Okay." Nico said, and with that, I walked out the door, and headed towards the break room. It was only about five to ten minutes later when Jason came and got me, and led me back to Nico's room. I sat down in the chair next to Nico's cot, this is where I usually sit when we talk.

"Will told me that you've been opening up more," Jason started, "What have you two been talking about?"

"Not much," Nico said, "We've really just been getting to know each other."

"You're friends?"

"I like to think so, but Nico here swears that we aren't."

"I keep telling you my reason."

"And what would that be?" Jason questioned.

"You know what it is, Jason."

"No, I don't think I do."

"You know I don't like letting people get close to me," He said,

"I know, Nico, but you need to let at least me in. It's not good for you to just bottle all your trauma up. It's literally eating you from the inside, out."

I kept quiet during their conversation, zoning out occasionally. When Jason asked about Nico's health, Nico looked at me, waiting for me to answer. So I did.

Jason and Nico talked for a few hours, and as Jason was leaving, he went to give Nico a hug. For the first time in Nico's stay here, I saw him smile for the first time, and accepted Jason's hug. They bid each other goodbyes, and Jason asked to talk to me outside before he left. I followed him to the doors of the infirmary when he finally spoke.

"Nico really likes having you around," He said, "I know he may be hard to get along with sometimes, but he's had a hard time in the past, I'm one of the first people he's actually let into his life. I know he's been trying to fix his relationship with Percy, but besides Hazel, Reyna, and Hedge, I was the first person he let back into his life, and if you hurt him, I won't hesitate to let him kil you himself, and if he doesn't want to? I'll do it for him, and so will everybody else."

"Can I tell you a secret?" I asked, "But you have to swear you won't tell anybody - Not that I think you will!"

"Of course," He said, nodding for me to go ahead.

"I know you know about Nico's sexuality, and I want you to know that he told me about it himself. I also want you to know that I'm trying my best not to rush our friendship because I have feelings for him. I really like Nico, Jason, and it scares me. I've never had a crush on someone this strong before. I've had little crushes, but never one like this."

"That's good to know. Maybe you should talk to Nico about it," He said, starting to walk off, "Just, be patient with him, Solace, it'll take a little for him to warm up to you, but if he's already told you that, then consider yourselves friends, because he doesn't just tell everybody those type things." And with that, he walked off back to the Big House.

I made my way back to Nico's room. Jason was right, we do need to talk, but not about my feelings, but about his. When I got to his room, I saw his door was still open, so I walked in.

"Hey, Nico, are you okay after all of that?" I asked, sitting back in my chair.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Jason gave me some advice and I'm going to take it, so that means you will too," He looked at me, "You haven't been being honest with me lately, and I know I've already told you that, I know that you're probably still tense from this morning, but I have things I need to say. I understand that you have trust issues, and I understand that you have been through a lot of things that nobody should ever have to go through, I get that, I understand that, but keeping all of that bottled up to yourself is only going to slowly kill you, day by day, and I don't want that. Jason doesn't want that, and neither does Hazel or Reyna or anyone else. I don't want you to die, Nico! I like you, a lot more than I probably should, and you can deny our friendship as much as you want, but that doesn't change how I think or feel about you. Reject me, I don't care, but I do care about your health!"

"I'm sorry," He whispered, "I'm sorry you feel that way… about me. I should have never told you about me being different, just like I never should've opened my mouth up when I first got in here. So, I'm sorry for that, sorry for ruining your life and stressing you out. Sorry for making you care so much, sorry for living, I guess. But, what you don't understand is that it doesn't matter how hard I try, I bring bad things upon people, whether I care about them or not, and you are just one of those unlucky people. So, in order to make your life easier, I'm gonna go ahead and head back to my cabin. Thanks for letting me stay here for a while. I'll find a way to make it up." He said, standing up. I stood up too, grabbing him by the wrist and yanking him back to me.

"You have got nothing to be sorry about, Nico di Angelo. Do you hear me? You do not bring bad luck to people, I don't have any bad luck. You're a victim. You're a victim of abuse. You did not ask for any of this to happen. You did not ask for your mother to be killed, you didn't ask for Hades to fall in love and have you or Bianca, or even Hazel! Nico, none of this is your fault! When are you going to learn that?" At this point, we were so close to each other, it wouldn't take much movement to kiss him. I could feel his breath on my face, I could smell him. It took everything I had not to kiss him.

It didn't take everything he had in him not to kiss me, though.