DEUX

Mom was the most affected by his passing. Before he was my dad, he was her lover. I could see the glint of excitement in her eyes whenever he was home. It was the same way I'd read the pain in her eyes when an official memo had been sent to our family. She bawled her eyes out and I had to hug her tight, watching as her walls visibly crumbled under.

Her wails had alerted the grandmas around. Thin walls, a little surrounded community and agony had given us away and before long, our house was filled with visitors. I'd excused myself to go pick up Nuda from school while the women attended to my mother.

The image of my mom shaking, her body trembling in my embrace engulfed me and before I knew it, tears dropped onto my cheeks which I wiped away harshly. Those weren't mine but my mother's tears.

When I'd brought Nuda home, she was alarmed to see our house filled with women. Mom was nowhere to be found and one of the women was preparing soup. They approached Nuda with beams on their faces.

"Don't fear baby. Your mom isn't feeling too well and is resting right now. We're here to take care of her" They said. Nuda wasn't convinced and requested to see our mother and she was allowed.

Mom's eyes were swollen and red, her hair all over the place as she wiped snot away from her face. Her face was the perfect depiction of a sick person and my heart broke at the weak smile she offered Nuda. With a cookie and a little coaxing, Nuda had left the room and was right in front of the television watching her favorite show, Mandy and friends.

The women kept checking on us until they were sure mom could be trusted to herself. Even though mom convinced everyone she was okay, I would still catch her sad eyes on several days.

Mom had received the compensation money and had promptly bought a house. According to her, the little sewing business she had going on wouldn't be able to pay our rent and we didn't need to keep relying on the old widows.

"Mergelore is nice. I could sew and make dresses at the local market. If I save enough, you could go to university too" She'd told me when I protested her buying a house with almost all the money. "Rora, we will never have to move again. I hear their land is fertile as well. We could grow our own food, unlike here"

Of all her proposals, the idea of university stood out to me the most. I had only heard of colleges and universities from my high school mates and had no idea what one was like. The depictions in youthful romcoms on the TV were not enough experience for me. If I could ever attend one, it would be a dream come true.

I peeled my eyes away from the view ahead, my eyes falling onto the MP3 player in my hands. It was the only gadget I possessed and I plugged one earpiece into my right ear. Mala Jones softly came on and I bobbed my head softly to it. Mala was who I listened to whenever I needed an escape from thoughts. Her soft, melodious voice filled my right ear.

I used to have countless records of here on my cellphone but after it had gone bad and with mom being unable to afford another one for me, I was stuck with this one track of hers on the music player.

Shower me with all your essence, I want to taste you, feel you.

I want to see you when I see me, you in me.

I wished Mergelore would afford me an opportunity to attend one of Mala's concerts. I doubted anyone knew Mala outside of Nolga and Amirda. The chances were slim but they weren't impossible.

I watched as mom tapped on the steering wheel, her face void of any emotions. We didn't have too much load and so we were moving them ourselves, saving the cost of transporting them separately.

Mom's lips moved and I plugged out my music to hear her better.

"We need to stop for gas. We're running low. I'll drive up some more and try to fill our tank"

I nodded slowly, unsure if she was informing us all of if she was just talking to herself. I could no longer see grassy plains and soon slate roofs came into view, lining our paths on both sides.