Chapter 7

Mia stared at me for a moment longer as if she were about to say something. But in the end, she just nodded and left quickly. My heart twisted since I could have sworn, I had seen tears in her eyes.

"I'll miss you," I called softly, though I knew she couldn't hear me.

I walked into my apartment feeling even more depressed and alone. I began to pack enough for a few days or a week if I wanted to. Ignoring anything in my closet that even screamed "sexy", I went straight for the giant winter clothes I had bought several years ago. I didn't want a single thing that reminded me of either Jordan or Jack. Sadly, as I looked through everything that Jordan had bought or I had bought to wear for him, I would find myself wondering what Jack would think of each one of them and wondering how he would react if I put one on.

I viciously shoved the remainder of the clothes into the depths of the closet and grabbed a lot of warm clothes because a walk on the beach sounded just like something I needed right now. I finally finished packing and looked at the clock grimacing to see at the late hour. I still had to call Maggie and Tomas just to let them know where I was going. They were Mia's parents and my foster parents, and hopefully, they would still be up.

When I had started in this life I had run into a friend of Maggie's at the club and, as I had feared at the time, Maggie and Tomas had found out rather quickly what I was up to.

However, instead of being horrified, Maggie was delighted. All Tomas had to say on the matter was to give threats of castration with an implement that I had no idea were still being used at the time, to any man dumb enough not to follow my hard limit list. It had been a rather horrifyingly educational conversation. Maggie, on the other hand, had been so elated that I had found my 'kink', as she called it, that we talked constantly now.

I quickly dialed Maggie's number so I could at the very least leave a message and let her know because I knew Mia would do it anyway if she hadn't done it already.

"Of course, you can use the cabin. Is everything okay?" Maggie asked.

The knowing mom tone in her voice told me she already had the answer to that question.

"No. I heard his voice again," I whispered into the phone.

She made a distress noise. “What happened?"

"Same thing as always, Maggie. He was calling me a whore and a slut-"

"You are none of those things, Lizzie Moore," Maggie interrupted. “What provoked it this time I thought you were doing better?"

"I was! Jordan-Jordan wants to collar me," I blurted out.

Maggie gasped, “That’s wonderful!"

"But it's not just him, his friend Jack would be a part of it too," I said trying hard to sound scandalized.

I wasn't really sure where Maggie stood with everything having to do with BDSM. I knew she was a part of a few clubs in her area, but I didn't know if this kind of situation was still considered taboo by her.

"Really?"

I felt myself relaxing when Maggie’s voice held intrigue rather than disgust.

"Yes, how on earth am I going to be able to handle two men? It's-"

I couldn't think of a word that described it beyond overwhelming because that's how I felt. I sat down on the couch in my living room and stared over the open bar into my kitchen at the only light that was on in there and lost myself in my thoughts.

"Lizzie," Maggie's voice whispered over the phone snapping me back to the conversation.

"Not to mention the sudden reappearance of my father's voice," I finished finally, unable to hide the hopelessness in my voice.

"Lizzie," Maggie started again, "I know conventional society says poly relationships are wrong. Now I don't want one, but that doesn't mean they're wrong. I'm not gay, but that doesn't make homosexuality wrong, simply different. I would prefer to see you follow your heart more than what society expects."

Maggie was a wonderful mother, and I was grateful every day she was in my life. She understood what I needed to hear, and I never hesitated to be honest with her.

"It also doesn't make you a whore or a slut, simply different. That is a good thing, Lizzie. Please, instead of listening to that bastard of a father, listen to your heart. What does it say?" Maggie urged.

As she spoke of my father, I could hear the venom in her voice, and it sent a fresh trail of tears running down my cheeks.

"I want to, Maggie. I just can't think clearly. I want to be with them both, but I don't know how it will last for more than one night. Every time I try to think beyond one night or start thinking maybe I can do this... I panic and now with my father’s voice... I just don't know," I whispered into the phone.

"Then let me give you some advice. Mother to daughter, sub to sub," Maggie said softly, “tell your Masters what is going on with you. Because if you really want to make this work, they need to know, so they can help you."

I hung my head and braced it against my hands knowing she was right. I knew that. Yet every time I think of talking about it to them my fear chokes me, and my chest tightens up so much I could feel another panic attack coming on.

"I know," I whispered quietly on the phone.

"So, you will talk to them?" she asked.

I blew out a breath. "I'll think about it. If there is no future for us it wouldn't be fair to them to give them hope."