Chapter 12

Today,I'm not in the best mood,on this day last year my whole world fell apart.I came to a harsh realization that I had been living in a fairy tale.That whole experience made question everything my dad did,if it had all been a lie.I am not perfect by no means but some things just aren't right.I want to be over it,to forgive him and forget because forgiveness is more for you that it is for the person but it's really difficult.Sometimes I think back to some moments and realize the signs were there but at the time I just couldn't fathom the possibility.

"I honestly feel if you love a person,you'd never look at anyone else."

"People get married for different reasons."

"So that should justify infidelity.If you feel in your heart that you don't want the person just tell him or her.It's as simple as that."

"No.It's not that simple, you're still too young to understand."

"There's nothing to understand,there's no justification for infidelity whatsoever."

I remember this conversation so vividly, we had been watching a movie and the man had been caught cheating on his wife and had lost everything.And my spineless father was trying to make me understand why people cheat.Had I known that that was a way of him confessing his sins.The funny thing about that whole conversation is that none of the reasons he gave as pathetic as they are,apply to him.

We were so happy you know,in times we didn't have much we had each other and that was the greatest comfort.My mom suggests I go for therapy because she feels I haven't dealt with it.

To be honest I don't want to heal, I don't want to get better because I generate strength from that anger.This way I will not be subjected to heartbreak, if I ever start catching feelings for anyone I'll just remember my dad and I'll get back to my senses.Not all men cheat sure but what if I get unlucky too,it's not like their foreheads are labeled decent human or vomit-rag.As cliché as this may sound,it's easier not feeling,not to mention how happy with my life.

"Well you shouldn't be!"

Did you just quote Will Trainor from Me Before You.

"I couldn't help myself."

Why KAL I never thought I'd live to see the day you'd be left feeling sheepish.

The saddest part of it all is I have never fallen in love before and I was looking forward to looking into someone's life and see galaxies.The world is really a cruel place.

"What about bello?"

What about him?

Ohh by the way bello is SAL's new nickname,I googled what bella means in Italian incase Nick was lying and is just a fan of Twilight.After conforming that he was telling the truth I came across bello which is means handsome in Italian short for bellissimo.So from now on I'll call him that so he feels flustered .

Getting back to you KAL,NO besides he's going back so I don't have to worry about him.Why are we even having this conversation KAL,he probably doesn't see me that way.

Speaking of bello,I really like saying that.....okay I'll stop now,him and I are going out this weekend and I am so excited.We are going bungee jumping at the Soweto Towers.I am so proud of myself finally becoming a social butterfly.

" I wouldn't say that."

Anyway I'm so excited because I've been meaning to go for so long and can finally cross it off my bucket list.

"I wonder if you'll actually go through with it."

And why wouldn't I?

"Ahh because you're too chicken.....up to not, you still haven't mastered enough courage to ride the Tower of  Terror."

Have you heard the people's screams of terror.

"I don't know what more pathetic the joke or the excuse."

The Tower of Terror is a ride at Goldreef City theme park and every time I go there I tell myself 'today is the day' and it's never been the day I guess.I would take Nick there too.