COLORBAR's Death of a Nation Pt. 1

I woke up jumping from my bed, because I had a dream of falling down to my death! What… What the hell was that?! I sighed, getting up from my bed as I tried to adjust my vision. It's still quite blurry, so I had to rub my eyes. And take away the sands from my eyes. I just had a fantastic nightmare of a new revelation! I should write about this at my workplace.

That's when I stood up and realised I was late! So, I drank two glasses of water, had a shower, French toast for breakfast, drank coffee, smoked a cigarette, and took my meds, such as my antipsychotics, antidepressants, mood stabilisers, and a small dose of a downer to keep myself from having an anxiety attack during work. But wait, did I even take the cigarette and coffee? No! I didn't. I just thought I did. But now I remember, damn, this dissociation mixed with my bipolar mania, it feels like ADHD.

They were Risperdal and quetiapine, prozac and Lexapro, lithium, and a bit of xanax. That's it. I was about to head out, and that's when I waited for the bus. Sometimes, waiting for too long makes me dissociate too quickly. And thus, I did. In the next part of this story, myself as Klei, the author and narrator will not continue. And thus, Fear had entered the chat.

'Tis I, The Feaster of Fear, Fear Feaster. Wherein I only survive by devouring the negative emotions of other people. My main weakness? It is none but envy.

I know I'm the greatest, the one and only, the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end, and the incarnation of Azathoth.

I finally entered the bus once I got inside. And heard too many people talking. It gave me some sort of sensory overload that pissed me off. Perhaps it's because, generally, I just hate people.

I know it is the first day in all three years without quarantine. It had been lifted since the Omicron Variant is no longer seen as a threat. I've been isolated inside my own home all this time, wherein back then I used to be so extraverted and social. But now, seeing all these people makes me want to kill them.

In fact, every time I see someone, I get so infuriated to the point I could barely control myself to brutally murder them in the most gruesome manner possible in broad daylight, caught in 4k red-handed, in public. And I wouldn't care anymore, at anytime I could snap eventually and kill the nearest person next to me in a heartbeat. I don't care no matter who they are.

I was in the bus, and it was full. I looked at everyone, trying to control my wrath due to my hatred of this world. It is stupid and wished everyone was dead, especially of the traumas I've been through since the days I've been locked up in that asylum and house arrest by my own abusive father all because of self-defence from those prickly bullies back in high school. It was a gruesome scene that I couldn't bear to remember.

That traumatising action I did to them was so hard to remember now, but it's so hard to forget.

However, at any moment now I could breakdown and just fucking do it already! I've seen society as a whole and Klei refuses to believe that. He thinks everyone is equal, or worse, Klei would self-loath a lot to the point where everyone in the world is better than him because he's useless and a failure. That's what makes him useless and a failure because he seems to see himself that way.

But myself? Everyone in this world is my enemy, and I know they are planning against me. I know everyone is scheming to do harm towards me. And I have to protect myself. However, I know I am better than everyone. I know myself too much that I know I can outwit everyone in this world. The fact that I believe everyone is scheming against me, and I survived throughout my life to this day, I know I am better than them because they didn't kill me yet. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I've outwitted everyone so far that they haven't harmed me yet. That is how great I am!

But then, someone came onto the bus, which annoyed me even more. Now my sensory overload, or perhaps just my delusional wrath, is the one making me feel this way when I am near people who are talking, especially over the phone in a public fucking transportation! Don't they have any manners and common decency in public places?! Surely in Japan that's probably illegal, and I'm serious when I say this.

And these "influencers" dancing in the FUCKING bus for, what?! Six seconds of fame? Jesus Christ! I could barely hold it now…!

But then, the same person that came into the bus turned out to be a mother with her toddler child. And by this, I felt bad for sitting here in a full seated bus. Her child had no place to sit. And that's when I felt bad for the mother and child.

"Hey, kid." I spoke smiling at him, as he turned his head to me and says,

"Huh?!"

I stood up and gave the gesture to give him my seat. "Here, sit here. It's all yours."

And the child sat down and I just held onto the straphanger while I just stood up, not caring if the lady would compliment me of give me a reward. I just felt bad for the child. Seeing him looking as if he had some sort of brain disability by the way he acts.

Instead of expecting the mother to thank me for this, she turned to me and turned into a psycho Karen and shouted at me for talking to her child without consent calling me a pedophile for attempted to groom her kid in this very bus, claiming her child has retardation and using his disability as an advantage to try to take him.

Then, the driver instantly pressed the brake to kick me out. As the TikTok famous star that no one really gives a fuck about that was dancing in the bus tripped and fell to the bus pole. Which, if it weren't for the circumstance right now, I would have laughed due to her stupidity. But the thing is, she started recording me and acting self-righteous, despite she saw how good I was to the kid. She switched sides just to record me for internet points on her social media account.

That's when the driver pushed me down onto the puddle of muddy water onto the sidewalk and just tried to hold my tears. This is what I'm talking about. This is the reason why I hate this world… everyone is terrible…

I tried to hold it in, I don't want to hurt anyone. It's just a compulsive impulse that the voices are telling me to do. I can't help myself but to try to put on headphones and put it on the loudest volume of Doomer Music Playlist in order to ignore the demons in my head.

That's when I just walked all the way to the WebNovel headquarters and I didn't even get a mile away yet. And I am late.

And once I arrived in the building. My dissociation was over, because this building is where all of my closest and most accepting friends are. It is a safe space for me to be in, better than my own lonely home, yet still a safe space. Then I snapped back to reality, as Klei fronting now.

I have no idea what just happened, even to break the 4th wall. I don't even know what I even wrote. But I'll know once I edit.

That's when I punched in the clock with my ID and headed into the Newbie lounge. Where the new writers come to either chill, joke around, discuss their books, swap reviews, and also work, despite it's the main lobby, there are cubicles on the half side of the room.