2.

We noticed the issues that surfaced within our relationship since the very beginning of the move, but chose to ignore them.

I was overwhelmed completely by the thought that I now had a place I could call Sam's and I's. I took my time admiring the way in which the light shone perfectly through the windows, making contact with the bed right in the centre of the mattress; how when you went to lie down, there was an immediate sense of warmth and comfort that enveloped you, and how you felt safe. The small office area made me smile - I envisioned myself planning my days ahead, organising all my textbooks along the side wall and finding comfort in the fact that I could study in peace within the realms of my own apartment. That I didn't have to make the twenty minute walk to and from the library when it would get dark out, that Sam and I could share meals together everyday, that I was lucky to have a Sam that cared for me and respected me.

I guess none of this mattered in the end though, as over the weeks that followed Sam and I grew closer together just as much as we grew apart. With every meal we shared we also dived into conflict; with every nap we took together we found ourselves wondering why everyday was the same. Why our relationship wasn't exciting - was it ever exciting?

Living together will test a commitment in a way that you couldn't possibly imagine unless in a similar situation. At first, I didn't exactly know what it was that I wanted. Days came and went, and Sam and I continued to focus on our work. We were lucky enough to share a similar schedule, however I had no classes with him. He was very much into arts, which I supported, but it also meant that his courses differed massively compared to mine. We couldn't exactly study together, and it didn't help that he was starting to make new friends within his courses. Maybe Literature wasn't the most exciting subject, and maybe it was for the best that I kept to myself most of the time. People didn't really understand me - Sam did, but he sort of shaped me into the girl I was when I started college. He's been a part of my life ever since I can remember, and so it was a given that we developed a strong bond and understanding for each other. Lilian sort of understood me, although she never appreciated my lack of spontaneity and blamed my lack of friends on this. She had plenty of friends, supportive or not, so I suppose she knew best. Either way, parties weren't my scenery, and so I never cared to seek friendships through drunken conversations or childish frat games.

And so I guess my lack of friendships and Sam's increase thereof, made me feel more and more neglected as the month passed. It was weird because out of the two of us, neither was more sociable than the other, and we preferred to keep to ourselves and to each other. But he began to drift away slowly... and it made me feel alone. Like I didn't matter as much to him as I once used to.

There was also the issue of sex. I've never been the one to care for this sort of stuff though - on the contrary, I wanted to wait with Sam just as much as he did. I wanted it to be special, and somewhat like the movies, although I knew I was asking for too much there. Sam and I were not unfamiliar with sharing a bed, but when we moved in together, we had to do this every night. After a while, I began to question why neither of us were making any advances, no matter how small. We've never really done anything apart from stealing small kisses here and there, and even then it felt purely platonic. There was no lingering touches or glances, nothing like how the movies and romance novels make it out to be. It's funny, because like I said I was never one to care for sexual pleasures - but it did make me think. I wouldn't have considered myself frustrated at that point, but I began to ask myself questions I never thought I should have to. Does he even find me physically attractive? Do I turn him on, does he turn me on in the way that he should? Should I discuss this with him, or would it make him feel uncomfortable? I didn't want to push him away, but eventually I ended up doing it anyway. We started arguing more than usual - at first petty little arguments about why we don't make time for dates anymore or why one or the other is being so distant. But then we both faced the much more frightening issues - could we really make this work? Are we right for each other anymore? Was moving in together a bad idea? Do I love him, and does he love me?