14.

There are lies we tell ourselves to ease the guilt of a decision we make. We kissed, but I was drunk, and perhaps so was he, and so it's justified because we both didn't know what we were doing. I woke up in his bed this morning, but it's alright, because it was the heat of the moment and I was in a vulnerable position last night. Truth is, none of it was right - and that's what made it feel so good. Because the more mistakes we were making, the more we wanted to continue making them.

The week had flown by, and it was Friday afternoon already. Bile was rising in my throat as I made a mental list of how many ways this night could go wrong, but out of all the ways I thought up, none of them came close to the reality of it.

I had convinced Sam to join me by some miracle - I knew these things weren't his vibe, and they weren't mine either - far from it. But he had agreed to accompany me after I had promised him I would consider letting him help me start my driving lessons, which he was really happy to hear. It warmed me that he was so careful around me, that he hated the idea of me walking alone at night. I grew more scared of it myself; the nights grew colder and colder throughout the middle of November, and the streets began to fill with drunks. This had no correlation with the change in season perhaps, but it was scary how many would swarm the streets. I often tried to avoid taking any back roads, even though they made for very helpful shortcuts during the day to and from campus.

"Babe, is this the kind of bonfire where we all toast s'mores and sing Christmas songs round a circle or the kind where people get into drunken fights and strange powders are sold to gullible teenagers?" He questioned rather seriously, as he threw on his jacket, but I couldn't help but laugh at just how ridiculously he had decided to word it, or worse yet how I genuinely couldn't give him an answer.

"I don't know babe, I guess we'll find out there," I giggled, and placed a soft kiss on his cheek before grabbing the keys off of the kitchen counter and locking the door behind us.

The old campus pitch behind the current one was being used to hold the bonfire. There must've been hundreds of kids there that night - freshman and seniors alike. I tried to find Lilian amongst the crowd, figuring it was time I'd talk things out with her. When I spot her against a post with an almost limp body hovering over her, completely devouring her mouth, I lightly tap on her shoulder and let out a little laugh, and she pushes the guy off her, clearly annoyed by my disruption.

"What do you want, Dove?"

"Lil, I'm sorry for that night at the frat house. I know it's been almost a month and I should've come and found you sooner," I lower my voice slightly so that in case Sam approached us, my lie from before wouldn't be discovered, "but truth is, I've been very busy and I was also just kind of... mad at you for snapping at me like that."

She sighs before she responds, "I know I was a bit harsh Dove, but I freaked out, okay? I just suddenly saw you at a frat party wearing a cheerleading uniform, and I didn't know what to think. For a month I tried to get you to come with me to one of those, after promising to look after you all night - and you turned me down. Next thing I knew, you were there with a bunch of those seniors, looking like a different person."

"I know, and I honestly regret going. I don't want to find myself in a frat house ever again. I admire your ability to get through that every weekend, because honestly I couldn't do it." We both laugh and she gives me a quick, reassuring hug before I continue.

"But you're the only friend I have here at college, Lillian, aside from my own boyfriend, and those cheerleading girls are barely even teammates. I don't want to lose the friendship I have with you over an argument."

"Are they mean to you?"

"Sometimes," I sigh, "but it's okay. Long story short, I really did just need a change of scenery and this will look good as an extra-curricular on my resume. Most importantly, I just really wanted to surprise Sam with this. You were right, something did happen, and while this won't fully fix it, it will give us the chance to move on."

I'm thankful when she doesn't question me further and simply hugs me one last time, before grabbing my hand and moving us to a sitting area where benches from the stadium had been brought down and placed in a somewhat circle shape. Sam had already been sitting after meeting with one of his friends, and for the first time I didn't mind - I was enjoying the calmness of the night, the way the fire burned bright red with such passion, the way people had blankets wrapped around themselves and giggled along in conversation, the way makeshift handles were made out of sticks, which I found super gross and unsanitary, but also really innovative, and they were poked inside fat s'mores and roasted by the fire, how the atmosphere genuinely seemed enjoyable for once. This was a different side to college - there were no drunken fights going on, at least not within our range, and I noticed even teachers were beginning to walk in, some with books in their hands and still marking assignments, which made me laugh.

But then the obnoxious screams of Yasmine came through, followed by the most soothing laughter gently playing in the background.

Him.

As they walked towards the fire, arms linked and engaged in conversation, I knew instantly that the peaceful start to the bonfire was coming to an end, and that this was going to be a long night.