Chapter XIII: In Search of Answers

The morning found me awake before the sun rose. I woke up with jumbled thoughts and a restless heart. The dream from the previous night had deeply troubled me, and the mysterious signs on my body added even more questions. Despite the love I felt for Cesare, there were many unclear and unsettling aspects of my life.

I sat in bed, watching Cesare sleeping peacefully beside me. In his sleeping eyes, I saw so much affection and trust. I wondered how I had managed to earn so much love from him.

I got up slowly and dressed. I tried to be as discreet as possible, so as not to wake Cesare. I was heading for the door when my attention was drawn to my reflection in the mirror. The stigmata on my hands and feet were visible and powerful. I stood there looking at them for a moment, feeling a mixture of awe, fear, and admiration. These signs were a manifestation of divine grace, yet they worried me. What did they mean? Why did I have them?

Well, to be honest, I didn't want to wake him up, but I accidentally did.

"Antonio, are you okay? Why did you wake up so early?"

"I-I couldn't sleep anymore...I feel so ignorant...People usually know what's happening to them, but I..."

"Calm down, everything will be fine...Wait for me. I'll be right there."

Honestly, his presence deeply reassured me. Finally, I could confess my feelings and have my first kiss... We decided to go to the Vatican library, as we had planned the previous evening. On the way to that place, I thought about Sister Catherine and her words about miraculous signs and the grace of the Lord. I was trying to understand if there was any particular reason why I had been chosen to bear them. As we crossed the inner courtyard, I saw faces full of reverence turned towards me. People bowed and asked for my blessing. I felt increasing pressure on me, and a feeling of helplessness engulfed me. I wasn't prepared for all this. I was just a simple priest doing his duty.

"Cesare, I feel like I'm an alien...Why are all these people looking at me like that?"

"Antonio, are you afraid of something?"

"N-No...It's just that I feel a little uncomfortable when I see these people venerating me so much..."

"Nothing will happen as long as I'm with you. Come on..."

We entered the library and were greeted by a friendly librarian who led me to shelves filled with books. Looking at them, I felt overwhelmed by the wave of knowledge and wisdom accumulated in those pages. I began to read fervently, trying to find answers to my questions.

Why did I end up here? Why did I receive these gifts, the stigmata? What should I do next? There are so many questions I want to find an answer to...

I spent hours reading manuscripts, studying ancient theologians and philosophers. With each page read, I began to understand more about faith and the world I lived in. However, answers to my personal questions still eluded me.

As time passed, I began to wonder if I would ever find a clear answer. I wanted to know why I was chosen to bear the stigmata and to experience these miraculous events. What did they tell me about my identity and purpose in the world?

As I searched through the books, I came across a work about stigmata and divine signs. I began to read with great interest, hoping to find answers to my questions.

According to the book, stigmata are considered signs of a deep and mystical connection with divinity. These signs are rare and are seen as a divine gift, bestowed only upon very faithful and chosen souls.

I realized that the signs I bore were more than just a mere incident or coincidence. They were a sign of a profound spiritual experience and a special calling. This thought filled me with hope and emotion.

With a heart full of curiosity and joy, I continued to read about other miracles and divine signs in the library's books. I was discovering a fascinating and complex world that opened up new perspectives for understanding.

Cesare was with me in the library, also reading books on various subjects. I observed how he channeled his energy into learning and how he sought to understand more about me and the world I was in now. We supported each other in the search for answers and in the face of life's uncertainties.

"Antonio, have you found anything?" Cesare asked me.

"To be honest, nothing new...Just that I'm troubled by a thought...Will I be able to move forward on this path?"

"What path, Antonio?"

"The path that has just opened up to me with these signs...Now I can help people, heal the sick, and contribute to creating a better world..."

"Antonio, why are you crying?"

"I-I'm alone on this path...I have no one to be with me on this journ-"

I couldn't finish the sentence, because Cesare blocked my lips with his own. Before, I resented his advances, but now I want to believe he has feelings for me...

"You're not alone, Antonio," he said after a few seconds that felt like hours. "I'm here for you, and I won't allow you to ever say you're alone, okay?"

"T-Thank you for that...I don't know how I could repay you for all your support..."

"You don't need to thank me, you know...I'm here for you, and I really want to help you as much as I can..."

Seeing how eager I was for answers, the librarian came to me to give me some advice and to see if the stigmata I bore were real or not.

"Father...There's an old monk at a nearby monastery who has the same signs as you...Would you like to meet him?"

"Sure, if he agrees..."

"He usually receives guests during the day...I think he'll welcome you, just hope his temperament doesn't bother you..."

We set off to meet the old man who shared the same signs as me. To my surprise, we were very kindly received by this nearly 90-year-old man.

"Father, I know why you've come," he began. "The Angel of the Lord showed you your own crucifixion, and when you woke up, you had the signs, didn't you?"

"Yes...How did you know?"

"I've experienced the same. I warn you...These stigmata are a blessing and a curse. At some point, they will bleed so strongly that you won't be able to stop the blood. Then you must wash your hands and feet with holy water, and it will probably stop..."

"Why are they a curse?"

"You won't be able to get rid of them until death, or until you become a demon like others...I just hope it's not the latter..."

Wait, what? So, my feelings for Cesare have nothing to do with this?

"Maybe you're thinking about the fact that you have feelings for a man, aren't you?"

"W-Wait, h-how..."

"There's nothing wrong with that...If it's just pure carnal love, it will eventually fade away. If not, then..."

After another half an hour of explanations and questions, we arrived home, of course glad that we could answer some of the questions we had.

However, Cesare seemed very worried. I don't know why, but for the first time, I felt like he was being cold towards me.

"Cesare, is something wrong?"

He didn't answer me, just looked at me strangely. I think the effects of this curse of a gift are starting to show, aren't they?

I tried to talk to him, but it was in vain. It was like he was a statue just staring at me. He didn't even make a single gesture. Something's not right.

"Cesare, did I do something? If I did something wrong, tell me."

"No, it's not your fault...It's mine...," Cesare said.

"Why? What happened all of a sudden?"

"I have impure thoughts about you in my mind and I can't control them...I wish to..."

I can't let him be like this...Plus, I had some strange feelings since this morning after dreaming that weird dream last night. I think I have to eventually break my attachment to vows and such, right? At least if I'm going to do it...Cesare is the right person for it.

"Cesare, could you be gentle with me? You know, it's the first time and..."

"Wait, what? Do you really want to...?"

"You know, I have nothing else to lose, don't you think? The only thing I could possibly lose is you..."

Of course, before that, I went and took a bath, preparing myself physically and mentally for what was to come. After I got out, Cesare went into the bathroom, coming out almost half an hour later while I was wondering if it would hurt or not...Well, I didn't have anything else to think about at that moment...

"Antonio, are you ready?"

"I-I think...I am..."

At that moment, I noticed something unimaginable...His penis was huge! How will I ever live after this night? God, have mercy!