I Am Strong?

I like to test my strength,

Especially when i play with opponents,

That I wouldn't be able to win against ,

Yet I carry those failures with me,

And the excitement never ends,

But what really confuses me,

Is The fact that I cry sometimes,

Is The fact that I let something's get to me,

Is The fact that I beat myself up

over the littlest things,

Is The fact I get triggered with the slightest coincidence or memory that shows up,

Is the fact that I flinch when someone raises their hand slightly at me,

That really makes me truly question if i was even strong enough to begin with.