Chapter 22: Kingdom Preparations

▯Ezra | Ra | Day 11 | Goblins Den

Before I'd realized, the sun had risen at some point.

It was morning. 

Rays of gentle orange light lit up the cave's entrance.

It was so gentle that if it slapped me on the ass, I probably wouldn't even feel it.

That's how gentle it was.

A disheveled Eri-chan lay passed out beside me.

I wouldn't say she had been used and abused, but she, uh...…how do I put this—ahem, she looked a bit 'sloppy'.

Yes, that's the word.

Ahem.

Well.....After I cleaned her up a bit, she didn't look so bad, so there's that.

Gotta give credit where it's due, bud. 

That's the way of life.

I looked down. 

On my other side was Rin-tan.

Her deep blue eyes stared straight into mine.

Oh my...

She was awake.

"A fine morning we're having, ey."

"...."

"Somehow...Just looking at your face makes me kinda happy. Really strange...…"

"......"

"Happiness just overflows inside my chest whenever I see you. It's crazy. By the way, what's going on? You aren't talking much. Are you perhaps sick?"

I put a hand on her forehead but she immediately pushed it away.

With a dubious expression, she opened her mouth.

"....Did you....Did you think that I wouldn't hear the sound of fucking right beside me—ah, please excuse my vulgar language. This is truly unbecoming of me."

"Is it now...."

"Nonetheless, I am perplexed, Sir. Sexual intercourse was happening within a few inches of myself. Why is that so? I truly do not understand."

Sounds like a 'you' problem.

"....I sincerely apologize. I wasn't being considerate of you."

"This lowly one did not ask for an apology—"

"Awh, c'mon...…."

"—Especially not from your esteemed self. I wouldn't dare."

"It was an honest mistake, Rin-tan. You must believe me...….."

"I see. Please don't let this lowly one obstruct you. I will obey your esteemed command."

"Heeeeeeeeeey~..."

She bowed her head before swiftly turning around and walking away.

Hah.....What a mess.

Truly.

This just messes up my insides.

Am I pregnant.....?

Shit.

Anyways, let's move on to more important matters.

Yea, like what to do with all these damn goblins.

Everyone's starting to wake up now, so I'll have to start establishing some ground rules, if you know what I mean.

Wink—Wink.

Hmmmmm...….

I put a hand up to my chin.

First of all.

This cave is filthy and I don't want to sleep in it anymore if I don't have to.

We'll officially start moving to the Orc mine. That'll be our main base and starting point.

Ah, but it also wouldn't do to just abandon this cave entirely either....

I lifted my finger.

—Tap.

Think, think, think.

The world slowed down.

Perhaps I should separate these underlings of mine into classes. Or maybe turn this cave into a training ground for newborns or those who aren't strong enough.

Like a beginners village. 

Yup.

That'll do.

I think I'll do both.

You have to find a way to make useless things useful, after all.

But for starters, there has to be a consistent and orderly chain of command.

Naturally, with this king at the very top.

There can be no other way.

I'm the central authority.

Next, I'll divide my eight little guards into individual teams who will have to do the grunt work.

Mhm. Perfect indeed.

My thumb traced my bottom lip.

This may expand in the future, but for now, this'll work just fine.

That being said, I'd like to implement some kind of merit system as well.

Right, I almost forgot.

For those who've proven themselves useful enough to be deemed 'special' in some way, a noble class system should work just fine.

This is to not only recognize them for their achievements, but also to show others that it is possible for them to climb the ladder.

Now then.

Duke. Marquee. Earl. Viscount. Baron.

—Sounds about right.

An aristocracy made up of cute monsters. 

If that isn't a joke I don't know what is.

Since there's a limited number of them, though, I'll limit the number of aristocrats as well.

What's a good number...…

The surrounding goblins moved in slow motion.

Uh, hmm, maybe 32....?

Aha. 

It's so brilliant I might just pop a mean boner right now.

The 32 Demon Nobles.

Yea, lets just go with that. 

Of course, there'll be privileges for individuals of higher ranks, like better living conditions and access to higher quality goods, but no one other than those who I designate personally will have any military power or rights to counter my decisions.

After all, I may be perfect but I'm still not exactly perfect if you know what I mean.

I can't have people going against me or having thoughts of rebellion with their meager power, but I also need people to voice their own opinions.

Alright, it's decided.

I'll come forward and set the groundwork for my future empire.

An empire that, if possible, will span multiple worlds.

Keke.

One must have a goal if they seek meaning in life.

Like wanting to turn all men into adorable little traps.

It has to be realistic.

—Tap

My perception returned to normal.

"Rin-chan, Rin-chan, do me a solid and gather everyone for me, alright. Thanks."

"I—"

"Thankssssss....!"

I sauntered away before she could say anything, leaving her to begrudgingly gather all the goblins and my personal force.

That's what I call a good girl.

A good girl with an ice-cold glare. 

It's spicy, but not too spicy.

In no time at all, she had, of course, done what was asked of her.

"Is this everyone?"

"...Yes, sir. This is indeed everyone."

"Cheer up for me, will you. I'm getting a little nervous, so I humbly request that you hold my hand for me."

"That is impossible. Please take this seriously…..."

Rin whispered as she stood behind me like an attendant.

We were surrounded by approximately 53 goblins. 

Yes. 

Approximately. 

I didn't bother to count but I still did.

They all sat on the ground in a circular formation like children waiting to be taught.

Alright kids, this is a lesson on sex-ed.

Under the right conditions, even a man can give birth.

—Yes, only by extracting it from his assgina.

My other seven hobgoblin comrades stood spread out behind them, gazing curiously at me whilst monitoring the situation.

I took a deep breath.

Ah...…..come to think of it.

Just what exactly am I doing here...…..

If I didn't know any better, I'd think that my sanity was slowly leaving me.

Truly.

I was previously a good-natured human.

"I'd like to thank you all for gathering on this fine morning. It really means a lot to me to see you all so healthy and energetic. But for now, there's much you need to know."

The pitiful goblins listened intently.

"Ah, ah, Ezra-sama, could it be that you have something important to tell us?"

The oldest of the group, Gobujii I believe, asked curiously.

But he immediately shrunk back in fear as Rin cast him a feral glare.

Manners.

It's really lacking.

I suppose this kind of thing can only be taught the hard way, but....

I'm not really into wrinkly elders.

Especially if they're men.

I waved my hand.

"Ahem. Yes, you worthless cum stain, you are indeed perceptive. Now do me a favor and erase what I just said from your memory. You are very much an adorable fellow. Don't let anyone tell you differently."

"O-oh, o-ok..."

Sometimes ridiculous things just spew from my lips.

These are all lies, of course.

I'd never hurt anyone.

Think happy thoughts.

—*Clap*

"Wonderful. Now as I was saying, there's a lot to be discussed. But first, I'll start by asking each of you a single question. I want you to respond honestly. If it isn't the truth then it has no meaning."

Ah, c'mon guys.

Don't just stare at me like that.

Especially not with that face.

Not with that faaaaaaace~...…..

It's really sinful.

I'm ready to commit a few sins.

"You...….."

I raised my hand and pointed at a rather conspicuous goblin sitting in the back.

He responded by silently gesturing to himself in a surprised but questioning manner.

"Yes, you. You seem like a rather smart goblin, so please step forward and lead by example. I'll have you answer first."

"....Sure. Yea, alright."

The conspicuous goblin with a gaze far sharper than the rest stood up from off the ground.

The reason he was conspicuous wasn't just because of his sharp gaze, but also the crude armor he wore.

It couldn't be hidden amongst the crowd of musky imps so it was easy to single him out.

The protagonist-kun who's name I finally began to recall slowly trudged his way toward me. 

He looked curious yet cautious.

I could tell by his somewhat guarded posture that he was aware of the vast difference in power between us.

Of course, ordinary goblins would have no chance of spotting these subtleties.

"Don't be anxious, Goburou-kun. Your body is quite tense. It's not healthy to keep holding it in."

"Ah, that's not...I mean, I'm fine...….. Thank you."

"Anytime. Just don't relieve yourself in front of everyone."

"...."

He arrived within a few feet of me, opening and closing his mouth with a speechless expression.

For the record.

I'm far taller than he is, standing at about 5 ft 11, so he was forced to look up.

I kinda want to rub his adorable little head.

"Did you sleep well, Goburou-kun?"

His face warped even more quizzically.

He had no idea how to react.

"Um…..Yea, I suppose...…."

"That's good, that's good."

I nodded—casually dusting off his shoulders and, of course, his irresistible bald head.

Really squishy....

A rather unpleasant silence lasted for a few seconds under the eyes of the crowd.

Protagonist-kun seemed to be in a different world, staring blankly at me with a stiff expression.

And before long—

"How do you perceive me, Rou-kun?"

I spoke.

He snapped out of his daze.

"...…..?"

"Ah, did I make it too complicated? I mean, how do you see me, what am I to you?"

"I...…."

"You....? C'mon, it's not a trick question."

C'mon Rou-kyun, answer me.

Give me the answer I desire.

Right now—!

"...…..I…don't know...?"

Fucking son of a bitch.

_______________________________

A/N: Heyo~!

Howdy good lads and laddets.

I was feeling a bit constipated just now, so I decided to post something.

I'm not too late am I?

You won't blame me right?

Don't blame me.