My story

This feeling that set's the heart on fire, always longing for deep geniue love and affection that seems unreachable. could this be love ?

Growing up in a place where love could be anything, in as much as there's a feeling to it. my parents I could say were not in love but in infatuation cause I could see the struggle of how they were holding up together to make it work, ofcourse not for their sake again but for us the children. At the stake of this, the children paid a price for the mistakes made by two adults.

Mom was sick again, the usual crisis. Dad had to come running home all disorganized. His shoe laces were loose, I could see how he felt so burdened, struggling to lift mom from the couch to take her to the hospital.  I almost giggled as I watched, unconscious of the possibility of loosing my mom if things goes wrong, that would leave me crying. Cause who knows maybe this time she might not come out alive.

As a child, i didn't knew what death was, I just wanted her to go to a place where she would never return so I could have a normal family like my peers, even if it means being raised by a single parent (my Dad).

My younger sister asked with a shaky voice "Jessy will mom be OK?"  I couldn't answer that, If only she knew the thoughts on my mind, she wouldn't go on to ask me that.  but yet I couldn't be selfish to dash her hopes. I would have thought she was already used to the crisis, but I could sense she felt different this time. Usually, she would wait patiently for dad to break the news that mom's fine.

"Don't worry Tracy the doctors are there with mom" I said, forcing a smile on my face to brace her up.

Mom was never really for the both of us I said to myself quietly with watery eyes, sniffing my nose with my sleeve.

OK!  enough of the emotion here. this is my story. Remember I'm not gonna use tears to overwhelm my thoughts, but they say life is not a bed of roses. even roses have torns...

Few years later, yeah we lost mom. life became normal, but I couldn't say if I was happy or sad. dad was never himself he lost his position in the ministry due to his state of mind and he had to stay back for his lovely princesses.

Life for us was like a train steadily going on a railway with silent passangers in it heading towards the sun set.  I couldn't count how many times I caught dad smoking. spending most of his allowances on alcoholic drinks, dragging us down with him.

I tried to be the one to stand for the three of us almost regretting why I prayed for mom to go but I just had to make things right.

Each morning when I wake up, after doing my usual routine, i make breakfast for the family, take Tracy to school, get dad his pills before going to work, then back to school.

Please don't ask me how old I was, I just had to do all of this to hold the family together and ofcourse to meet up ends meet.

Dad's money wasn't holding up well with catering for our needs anymore when I told him I wanted to work. He didn't go against it ofcourse. he knows he doesn't have much of a choice, as the family obviously needed more income to survive.  Few years gone and I was done with secondary school. Tracy was keeping up with her schooling too as well.  life I guess was already smiling nicely at us as dad found love again and grew to quench his past.

soon i got my degree. yep! Time flies That was a great achievement considering the sacrifices made to attain such height. "Jessy Coleman" the professor called out with a mic, looking around the congregation for who it could be. I stylishly waved my hand in recognition. applaud followed suit as I walked up the stage to collect my award. embracing me with a hug on his flaky wrinkled skin yet his face language was  connected to the hug.  "Congratulations dear" he said, as he handed me an award. "can you wait for a photograph?" he asked smiling.

"sure sir" I said, delighted cause I deserved it.

This was the second best day of my life! Yeah!

Let's party! Sarah said with a shot in her hand raising it for air cheers. she was my coursemate in school and almost having the same personality as me, just that she is way social than I am.  could club all week and yet still ride along with her school work. I always wondered how she does that. she's just a unique being with super powers I guess. As i sat in the the bar with a glass of wine, I reflected on the journey through school. I felt accomplished. My sight was drawn to Sarah singing karaoke songs phew! I sighed in excitement, "it's really  been a walk of stress" I thought to myself as I tried to imagine the next phase of my life. I've always imagined myself having a fancy job and being able to afford more than just my needs, and suddenly its all about to happen. I just can't wait.