What do you mean I'm a webnovel Protagonist now?
Today will mark a very special day, I will be dominating the claw machines in Akihabara. Watch out loveable soft toys and limited edition models, you’ll all belong to me now. Wait.. is that? I think it is, IT’S THAT DAMN TRUCK AGAIN! Crash MC died, the end.... or issit? Our protagonist Nan Zhu Jiao is an esper, the strongest esper in existence, but what happens when he is thrust into unfamiliar worlds. Watch as he conquers xianxia, scifi, romance and many other genres! Yes this is a parody on ALL the webnovels I've read before, so don't come at me for being Cliche. I live to destroy the cliches. Socials: Twitter https://twitter.com/rocksalt_30
A world without Katsu
"What the f*ck, I have to look like that? We look nothing alike. Not to mention I don't have any inherited memories or any clues of that sort. I guess I have no choice."
Zhu Jiao reached forward and grabbed the corpse up by his head, he used <Mind Reader> - By looking at any person dead or alive, Zhu Jiao can read the mind or even understand all the past and present of anyone he lays his eyes on. He first manifested this ability, when Santa Claus failed to show up one christmas, he kept asking his parents but they failed to give him a satisfactory answer, so with no choices left,
"Okay first of all, I look nothing like that dead guy. I'll have to change my look."
Zhu Jiao made himself look exactly like the corpse down to every single detail.
"Jeebus, what kind of name is Lin Dong, and I look horrible, let me tweak it a little, usually for reincarnation novels when they come out they will look slightly better than they usually do right?"
Zhu Jiao's eyes lit up green as he tweaked it little by little until his face looked as handsome as can be, one look from him and he could break any girl's heart. His dashing good looks are matched with an amazing body, much like a greek god.
<Body Morph>- by using his psychic abilities he managed to quickly change his face and body by moving the cells around. He first manifested this ability when he was younger and there was a free - cutlet day at a restaurant nearby. After collecting his free cutlet, he wanted more, but he couldn't afford to buy it, so this ability manifested.
"Dayum! good enough, I guess I have to get rid of this corpse now then."
Lighting a flame on his hand, he tossed the flame down onto the corpse, but just before the flame landed on the corpse, he retracted the flame.
"Errr… it might come in handy in the future, let's just keep the corpse for now."
Raising his hand he opened a portal as he dragged the corpse in and threw it inside.
<Infinite storage> - A skill that allowed him to stash away everything and anything. It first manifested when he was 10 years old. His parents asked him to put away his toys and that's exactly what he did, stashing them away into his infinite storage.
With that storage, he has infinite space to put an infinite number of things, you would think that entering an infinite storage would be a nightmare and it would be messy as heck, but thankfully our Zhu jiao has OCD, so everything was already arranged to perfection.
"Damn it, why did I set the corpse section so far away from the entrance."
After dragging the corpse along, he finally arrived at the corpse rack. He tossed the corpse into a huge bucket of other corpses and exited the way he came in.
On the way out, he walked past the corpses of unicorns and mermaids, on the wall hung a huge dragon menacingly overlooking the storage. Ignoring them completely, he exited the infinite storage and recalled the portal.
Dusting off his hands he smiled to himself satisfied with his job well done.
The door swung open as a maid rushed in, in a panic.
"Young master! Are you okay?..."
She stopped in her tracks, looking at the handsome man in front of her, her heart started beating harder.
Eyes flashing blue, Zhu Jiao looked straight into the eyes of his maid.
"Who is this handsome man? Why would she think that? Could it be? am I more amazing than a Korean plastic surgeon? I'll deal with it later.]
"Xiao yu, what do you need? Why did you come in such a hurry"
"Ah… Young master, I'm here to check if you are okay… Also the young miss from the Yang family is here…"
"To divorce me?"
"Ahhh, young master knows about it?"
Xiao yu looked down on the ground, worried about her young master's reaction.
"It's just really cliché. We'll let them wait! For now, I have something important to attend to, bring me to the kitchen immediately."
"Cliché?" Xiao Yu spoke in confusion
"Err.. Nevermind! Lead the way!"
Zhu Jiao spoke impatiently as he swept his sleeves and walked out of the room walking towards the direction of the kitchen.
"Oh… Look who we have here. Isn't it the trash young master?"
One of the servants near the kitchen shouted as he watched Zhu jiao approach the kitchen.
"Shut the f*ck up and get out of my way"
"What did you say? Second young master gave the orders that if we see you we will beat you. He will take responsibility."
Zhu Jiao's eyes shone green as he penetrated deep into the servant's mind.
<Depression beam!> this ability can allow Zhu Jiao to penetrate deep into another person's mind and replay the saddest moment in their mind on repeat, making them incapable of performing even the simplest function.
The servant fell to the floor. Curling up into a ball and bawling out of control
"My toy ball. Please don't take my toy ball. Uwu, why are you bullying me"
"Hmph, You'll never see your ball again. "
Zhu Jiao flung his sleeve as he stepped over the servant on the floor and pushed open the door of the kitchen. The cooks in the kitchen stopped in their tracks as they stared at Zhu Jiao in confusion.
"Young master, what are you doing here? This is the kitchen."
"Oh, thanks for letting me know, of course I know this is the kitchen! I need to commandeer the kitchen! All of you will listen to me now, this is really important!
You, is there any flour in the kitchen? Bring me some now!
You, bring me as much eggs as you can find.
You, is there any pork or meat like that around?"
"Err young master, we only have wild beast meat, but it's from the branch of a pig family."]
A kitchen assistant standing at the side informed him.
"Very good! Bring it here! You are now my assistant. I need salt, cumin and chilli powder, bring them all here now! It's super urgent. Oh and also a big pot, and lots of oil!"
The kitchen went into a flurry as they started to run around like headless chickens, finally bringing everything their young master desired.
Picking up the slab of meat and smelling it, Zhu Jiao smiled happily.
"Mmm, this is good meat, pass me the knife quickly."
Zhu Jiao took the knife and skillfully cut the huge chunk of meat into smaller pieces, ala salt bae. Separating the meat from the bone leaving just the right amount of fat there.
"Assistant crack the eggs and mix the flour with the salt and spices. Heat up the oil! Pass me the hammers! I'm going to tenderise the meat."
The assistant ran out to get Zhu Jiao a hammer, needless to say everyone in the kitchen were speechless as they didn't even know what the hell was going on.