33

The woman was still fast asleep her breath was full and strong her mouth was slightly open she looked like she was about to speak or smile and her curvy firm breasts swelled under her covers the first rays of dawn were coming in through the windows but light was not enough on this winter plate she was wandering somewhere between darkness and day hiding the shapes of sleeping objects to the math teacher Necip Erdoğan got up and dressed quietly, he didn't know why either. These days, he often puts on his suit and runs out of the house. He was wandering around the islands, the bar street, the bathhouse road, and the cafes until he was exhausted. Then he went to the culture park. He looked with admiration at the lovers walking hand in hand. He walked quickly along the trees, and then suddenly he didn't know himself far away. He was finding his pulse beating from his injuries in places. He had to make an effort to regain consciousness. His friend, himself, had a bipolar behavioral disorder. Sometimes he would be very cheerful, sometimes he would be very sad. The change in his emotional state would happen within seconds. Then they both walked to the hospital together. Cemile would get an injection. When Cemil was shot again, her eyes immediately started to close due to fatigue. He would barely get home. After dropping him off, Recep would return to his own home. The drugs Cemil used were very strong. He would frequently change the time and phone. Or we would start gambling. Emin would bet on the matches, and it would make money anyway. What would he do again with the phone he used for three days? And then he would sell it, then again in the evening, when he was undressing at home, he forgot what he was doing. He was sitting motionless on the edge of the bed with his newly removed shoes in his hand, and was lost in thought. He shivered because he went out to the balcony from the slightly closed air of the room. With a transverse movement, he pulled his supports towards himself, to a place close to his consent. His very deep channel was under the sound of the view of his small house. Every Cloud rushing through the air from where he was, wake up, virus-free, It was rising like thick milk with the badger who sees like a mirror, wherever he looked, no matter what he touched, it felt slippery and Gray, water was dripping from the trees, from the locks of the house, Damp was getting hot, The world rising among the Russians was a fresh out of the river, water flowing all around. He was like a human. There were human murmurs coming from the Night, but they were incoherent like the wheezing of a drunkard. There was a significant darkness between him and his World. Again, waiting for the view to reject, he put his hands in his pockets a little more and continued to stand there. Rolling like a piece of paper, he began to slowly rise from the ground and the math teacher Recep wanted to see the beloved landscape he always knew, even though it was covered with his voice this morning, with its clear lines that normally gave clarity to his life. When he was in a turbulent mood, he often came to the window here to relax. Across the Porsuk stream, houses facing each other as if they were friends, dividing the blue waters with delicate precision. Meanwhile, a ferry was leaving the shores. While the seagulls were flapping their wings with joy, stealing the lovers, the smoke rising in curves from the red chimneys, the message that the landscape conveyed for everyone to see was peace. At such times, in the face of his own knowledge, despite the madness of the world, he believed in the beautiful sign that the landscape gave him, and while looking at this new country he chose, he could forget his own hometown for hours. His childhood in his hometown, chasing a ball in the streets In those days when he was running, he would believe in the beautiful sign that the landscape gave him despite the madness of the world in the face of his own knowledge, and when he looked at the new country he chose, he would forget his own country. Here he felt that he was getting better. As the landscape greeted him gently, his lines and colors called his talent to work. As a result, when he could not see the landscape hidden under the Compass that covered him at this hour of the morning, he always felt alienated from himself, as if he were in exile again. He had an infinite feeling of pity for the people in the old world of his hometown, which was closed in the darkness and was now far away. He felt an endless pity and a desire to be connected with them and with his hand. Somewhere in Tosun, a sweet call to prayer was coming from far away. Then he said to himself, "The time of the heart." On the March morning, I heard it louder, on a clearer subject, his girlfriend sleeping in front of the whole world, geography. While his teacher was in the darkness behind him, he felt as if he was completely isolated at the top of a tower. Deep down, the soft sound was breaking down the wall. Someone somewhere was trying to feel the certainty of life. First, he was glad that something other than himself was awake, then he wondered, a silhouette of a person appeared against someone.

The woman was still fast asleep her breath was full and strong her mouth was slightly open she looked like she was about to speak or smile and her curvy firm breasts swelled under her covers the first rays of dawn were coming in through the windows but light was not enough on this winter plate she was wandering somewhere between darkness and day hiding the shapes of sleeping objects to the math teacher Necip Erdoğan got up and dressed quietly, he didn't know why either. These days, he often puts on his suit and runs out of the house. He was wandering around the islands, the bar street, the bathhouse road, and the cafes until he was exhausted. Then he went to the culture park. He looked with admiration at the lovers walking hand in hand. He walked quickly along the trees, and then suddenly he didn't know himself far away. He was finding his pulse beating from his injuries in places. He had to make an effort to regain consciousness. His friend, himself, had a bipolar behavioral disorder. Sometimes he would be very cheerful, sometimes he would be very sad. The change in his emotional state would happen within seconds. Then they both walked to the hospital together. Cemile would get an injection. When Cemil was shot again, her eyes immediately started to close due to fatigue. He would barely get home. After dropping him off, Recep would return to his own home. The drugs Cemil used were very strong. He would frequently change the time and phone. Or we would start gambling. Emin would bet on the matches, and it would make money anyway. What would he do again with the phone he used for three days? And then he would sell it, then again in the evening, when he was undressing at home, he forgot what he was doing. He was sitting motionless on the edge of the bed with his newly removed shoes in his hand, and was lost in thought. He shivered because he went out to the balcony from the slightly closed air of the room. With a transverse movement, he pulled his supports towards himself, to a place close to his consent. His very deep channel was under the sound of the view of his small house. Every Cloud rushing through the air from where he was, wake up, virus-free, It was rising like thick milk with the badger who sees like a mirror, wherever he looked, no matter what he touched, it felt slippery and Gray, water was dripping from the trees, from the locks of the house, Damp was getting hot, The world rising among the Russians was a fresh out of the river, water flowing all around. He was like a human. There were human murmurs coming from the Night, but they were incoherent like the wheezing of a drunkard. There was a significant darkness between him and his World. Again, waiting for the view to reject, he put his hands in his pockets a little more and continued to stand there. Rolling like a piece of paper, he began to slowly rise from the ground and the math teacher Recep wanted to see the beloved landscape he always knew, even though it was covered with his voice this morning, with its clear lines that normally gave clarity to his life. When he was in a turbulent mood, he often came to the window here to relax. Across the Porsuk stream, houses facing each other as if they were friends, dividing the blue waters with delicate precision. Meanwhile, a ferry was leaving the shores. While the seagulls were flapping their wings with joy, stealing the lovers, the smoke rising in curves from the red chimneys, the message that the landscape conveyed for everyone to see was peace. At such times, in the face of his own knowledge, despite the madness of the world, he believed in the beautiful sign that the landscape gave him, and while looking at this new country he chose, he could forget his own hometown for hours. His childhood in his hometown, chasing a ball in the streets In those days when he was running, he would believe in the beautiful sign that the landscape gave him despite the madness of the world in the face of his own knowledge, and when he looked at the new country he chose, he would forget his own country. Here he felt that he was getting better. As the landscape greeted him gently, his lines and colors called his talent to work. As a result, when he could not see the landscape hidden under the Compass that covered him at this hour of the morning, he always felt alienated from himself, as if he were in exile again. He had an infinite feeling of pity for the people in the old world of his hometown, which was closed in the darkness and was now far away. He felt an endless pity and a desire to be connected with them and with his hand. Somewhere in Tosun, a sweet call to prayer was coming from far away. Then he said to himself, "The time of the heart." On the March morning, I heard it louder, on a clearer subject, his girlfriend sleeping in front of the whole world, geography. While his teacher was in the darkness behind him, he felt as if he was completely isolated at the top of a tower. Deep down, the soft sound was breaking down the wall. Someone somewhere was trying to feel the certainty of life. First, he was glad that something other than himself was awake, then he wondered, a silhouette of a person appeared against someone.He was lying, he knew that the letter sent to him would continue on his way until he found him. Here it was, the cold letter was physically in his hand. He made an effort to maintain his peace. He asked himself, "What does this letter mean to me?" It will be a leaf and this paper does not seem more meaningful to me than those leaves. What does the picture mean? Does it mean that I have to read this? I am not on a mission and no one can sleep with me. Why is my name there? Is this really me? Who can force me to say that this is me? Who forces me to read what is written on the paper? What is it? If I tear it up without reading it, pieces of paper will dissolve in water and go away. Neither I nor the world will know about it. It will disappear as quickly as someone dripping from a tree to the ground. It will disappear as quickly as a breath passing through my lips. Why does this piece of paper make me uneasy? Unless I want to, I don't want to learn anything about it. All I want is. My freedom would come later with his fingers preparing to separate these small pieces, but strangely his muscles did not do this, something took control of his hands against his will, his hands did not obey him, even though he wanted with all his heart to tear the envelope, he opened the envelope tremblingly, the captain flattened the white paper, it was taken once, his duty station is in Izmir, Izmir Bornova 57 The artillery brigade was going to do military service for 8 months, but since it was a war situation, he thought that this period would be extended. When he went back inside an hour later, his girlfriend, who had a loose bunch of spring flowers in her hand, came to greet him with a smile. She was radiating light with hopeless joy. "Look what I found behind the house, brother Mehmet," he said. Even though there was still snow in the shadows among the trees, the flowers were already blooming. He took the flowers to please his lover. He climbed on the flowers to avoid being caught by the woman's gaze. He quickly returned to the studio and got sick. His work did not go well. As soon as he looked at the blank canvas, the typewriter in the letter suddenly appeared on the canvas. The paints on his palette brought blood to his eyes. He looked like mud, he was always thinking about wounds and wounds. In his self-portrait painted in half shadow, a military collar appeared under his chin. As he stamped his foot on the ground to erase these unstable images, he said madness out loud, but his hands shook and the ground shook under his feet. Tired of his thoughts, he continued to sit on a picture while his geography teacher girlfriend, Ayten Bektaş, sat in front of him. Every bite choked him. A bitter taste settled in his mouth. With every bite, he had to swallow again and it came back again. While he was sitting hunched over in silence, he realized that his girlfriend was watching him. Suddenly, the geography teacher noticed that his girlfriend was watching him. His girlfriend, Ayten Bektaş, slowly put her hand on his own. He asked, "What's the problem, Necip?" The man didn't answer. "Did I get bad news, are you being drafted into the military?" Necip shook his head again, they didn't talk any more. The oppressive thought of the issue suddenly filled the room, pushing everything else aside. They started eating their meal. It collapsed rudely and stickily. It was writhing on their necks like a wet snail, making them shiver. They didn't have the courage to look at each other. Their shoulders would be bent under the unbearable weight of the thought in their minds. They sat in silence. Finally, his girlfriend Ayten asked in a hesitant tone if they told you not to go to the head of the military branch. He said yes. "Necip, will you go, I don't know." but I had to Why do you have to? The man said freedom with anger between clenched teeth. Is there anyone who is still free? Journalists are in prison, there is no freedom of expression. Women are being killed every day and we have a dictator. We are governed by a dictatorship disguised as democracy. Anyone who wants can be free. Above all, you. What is this, such a humiliating thing? He grabbed the piece of paper that his girlfriend put in front of him and said, "What kind of power can this piece of paper, with the writing of an office officer on it, have over you? You are a free person. You know what paper can do to you. It can't do anything on its own." But those who sent it can do it. So who sent it? Which human being does this come from? It's not just coming from a machine. It can't touch you. It can't touch millions of people. I said Recep, why can't you touch me? Maybe it's because you don't want to go. The others said, "I didn't want to, but they're not free." They were caught between the guns. That's why they left. 100 years ago, the homeland was under attack and they went to protect the homeland. But there is no such situation right now, no one goes to war willingly, but when he saw how the man was torturing himself, he controlled his madness and felt like he was a child. Now try to think clearly, you are afraid, you suddenly joke on him. I understand how difficult it is to deal with the monster, but this Remember we are already waiting for the letter, what should be done in this situation?

We've talked a hundred times we're gonna break it into pieces So I'm proud of you for knowing you'll stop yourself from getting enough and killing people Do you remember I know what you said I know but don't say no more He shut her up earlier He got his teeth into you one way or another But think about what we talked about I prepared or solid that you will never carry you I had made a decision. The man reacted to this. No, I had not made a solid decision. I tried to get a bruise report. It said my eyesight was damaged in your hands, but since I had surgery, I don't even wear glasses anymore. Therefore, it was impossible for me to get a child report. They were all lies. I was hiding out of my own fear. All of these were valid as long as I was completely free. And I always knew that I would have no strength left when called. Do you think I tremble in front of them? Unless I wholeheartedly agree with your ideas, they are nothing to me. They are just words in the air. I trembled in front of myself. Because I knew that the moment they called me, I would get up and leave. "Do you want to go, Necip?" Ayten asked, "No." Necip shouted, stamping his foot on the ground. "I don't want it." I don't have the slightest desire, but I will go against my will. This is the worst part of the power of these people. You serve them whether you want to or not. You become a traitor Even if you still have your own will, the moment you receive a letter like the one in your hand, you no longer have free will, you obey. Otherwise, when you criticize the government, you may find yourself in prison and you cannot find a lawyer to defend you. You are a school child. The teacher calls you. You stand up and tremble. Who is calling? Is it the motherland? A civil servant in the office? I'm a bored bureaucrat, and I know even the government has no right to force a person to commit murder. Why don't you take a moment from the postoy? I know all the arguments. Can't you see? I don't think they have any right to call me. I don't think it's my duty to obey them. I only know one duty: to act and work like a human being, to show love to people. to teach humanity in general has no homeland other than I have no desire to kill other people I know all of this I see it clearly just like you It's just that they caught me They even call me And I know that I will go despite everything But I ask you why I don't know why Maybe in the world these days madness is stronger than reason Maybe I'm just not a hero and I don't have the courage to escape There's no explanation for this It's an impulse He buried his face in his hands The clock above their heads The clock on time With that duty outside the guardhouse The guard was continuing to celebrate The woman was making light work The letter is calling you Yes I understand In my mind I don't quite understand it But it's other things calling you Don't you hear you? Isn't there anything illegal here? The man exploded with anger. The book I wrote, the math books, the problems I solved, the students, the pictures. No, I can't paint anymore, but today I realized. I've been living there for a long time. Not here. Enjoy your pleasure while the world is in ruins. Who is working? You can't think only of yourself and live for yourself. The woman stood up. He stood up and turned around. I never thought you lived for yourself. I thought you were a part of the world. He couldn't continue talking. He was trying to find a way through his tears. The man tried to calm his wife down. But there was anger in her tears. It scared the man. Then he said, "You better go." What am I saying to you? It's less than a piece of paper. Then go. If that's what you want, our families don't approve of us getting married anyway. Our sects are different, you know, I'm an Alevi and you're circumcised, bro. Well, many marriages are forbidden or seen as forbidden by many families. This is not what I want. The man is even helpless. He slammed his fists clenched in anger on the table. I don't want this. They want me to do this. They are strong. I am weak. They have been strengthening their iron will for more than a century. They have given good advice and the clever ones have made all the necessary preparations. And now everything is exploding upon us like a violent storm. Their will is strong and my nerves are weak. That's fair. A war that doesn't exist You can't fight a machine You can resist people Yes but it's a machine It's a slaughtering machine It's right and it's a tool without a heart There's nothing you can do to oppose it If you have to You're fighting, she said, screaming like she was crazy now If you can't I can do it If you take it I am not Bending under a piece of paper, I will not sacrifice a living being for the sound of a nail. As long as I have something done on you, you will not go. You are sick, I can swear to it. You are extremely angry. If he does not offer you a plate, you are blaming yourself for tension and place. Every doctor should be able to see this. Have yourself examined here. I will come with you. I will definitely tell the doctor everything about you.

He will tell you that you are not fit for war, he will definitely say that you will not be fit for war. All you have to do is defend yourself, get rid of your chains, keep your own will in the hands of the ship. Remember your friend who kept himself under observation in the Mental Hospital for 3 months. Cemil said. After all, he was struggling with drugs and they gave him a medical report because he was mentally ill. He's not mentally ill, I'll return. He just has bipolar behavioral disorder. You can't consider this as a complete mental illness.