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Would you like it if today you suddenly went from being normal to becoming a God? Before you answer, the catch is there’s an apocalypse coming and you have to recruit Earth’s greatest ancient Generals and Gods into your army to prevent it. Wait, one more catch, it turns out most of them are dirtbags and trolls. I’m warning you, maybe you should read the story before you answer. This satire/action/adventure contains brutal battles, beauties, cultivation, mythology, magic, divine weapons, Gods from many regions, world creation, conspiracy theories, sci-fi tech, vampires, werewolves, giant monsters, and many other bastards. Oh and it’s based on real history, myths, and legends. *A new chapter daily Mon-Wed by 1 PM Est. (GMT-4).
Only with the freedom and courage to laugh at the heavens, will you stand a chance to break through their chains that bind you.
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It was a beautiful summer afternoon on the Brighton Beach boardwalk in Brooklyn, NY.
'This damn sun...'
Alex was taking Barney, his bull terrier dog, for his daily walk. He played PUBG and enjoyed the fresh sea air. Barney waved his head sniffing in all directions as the sun gleamed off his pearly white coat.
All of a sudden, Alex felt a tug on the leash. He looked over and saw Barney sprinting at him! Barney had a fresh hotdog captured between his teeth, and a shifty look in his eyes, especially in that right eye with the black patch.
Alex knew that look. His eyes traced towards the scene of the crime. A huge thiccboi was gaining momentum, warming up the rockets to blast off in Alex's direction.
This was a classic case of it's time to get the hell out of here. Alex and Barney took off racing.
...
Having outrun the meat rocket, Alex now resumed his brisk walk, leaving the boardwalk to go back to his apartment. He looked over at Barney who seemed to be saying, 'It's not my fault, both guy and hotdog had it coming.'
Alex thought about it and agreed. A hotdog unprotected is a wild hotdog.
*Urrggh*
A strange groan came from the side. Alex glanced over and discovered a middle-aged man in terrible shape, bleeding underneath the boardwalk. Alex's face grew solemn. 'A murder? ...If I go over, will I become a suspect?'
He gazed down to see if Barney had any brilliant ideas.
...Nope, the usual blank stare. Alex shook his head. 'Let's take a look first.'
He walked over. "Sir, are you injured? Do you need an ambulance?"
The man lifted his head to gaze at Alex. Two things caught Alex's attention: the man's intelligent black eyes, and the terrible condition he was in.
Laying on the sand, his short black hair and beard were almost burgundy from the blood. His skin was ghastly pale. His clothes...now torn up red rags. He looked like a truck had hit him!
The man wiped blood from his eyes so he could see Alex. When he saw him, his face became shocked as if he recognized him! He jumped up to his feet like a monkey! In complete disregard of his injuries, he grabbed Alex by his t-shirt collar with both hands! Then with eyes wet with blood and tears as he screamed, "Please! You must become God!"
Alex's face was in utter horror. 'Oh my god, no good deed goes unpunished. This bastard must be tripping on acid...'
"Crazy drunk beggar, let go of me!" Alex shouted, struggling for freedom.
After a minute of useless resistance, Alex gave up. The man's grip was as firm as a vice! Alex couldn't budge the man's finger even a centimeter. He felt like a baby wrestling an adult. 'I need to start going to the gym. This is embarrassing.'
He heard a sound and looked back to see Barney hiding behind him, whimpering. '...What am I paying your dog food salary for if you don't even protect your boss?!?'
"Please, you don't understand. You must save this world!" The man's tears flowed down his filthy cheeks.
'Jeez, I know this guy is tripping balls, but he looks so miserable. I feel kind of bad, but I'll feel even worse if I don't get back home soon to finish Tiger King...' Alex thought. So he responded, "Um, sorry, but I'm kind of busy this week sooooo saving the world...it's not going to fit into my sched." He shook his head, trying to look remorseful.
The man heaved in large breaths. "Then...then let me be your servant!"
'...Servant? This dude is NOT interview ready.' Alex considered his words. "I have to reject on account of you being overqualified."
The man's eyes flashed. It appeared this hobo wasn't taking no for an answer. "I'll be your minion! I'll do your laundry, grocery shopping, your cleaning, dog walking, whatever you want! Free every day!"
Alex's face became serious. 'Wise elders might tell me not to let a strange, homeless, dying man into my apartment. To them I would say...do you know how long it takes to level up in Warframe? This gentleman has been hired as a full-time grinder!'
"You've got a deal. It's a good deed to help those in need." Alex's mind was envisioning filled up XP bars...more skill points than he knew what to do with...stacks and stacks of loot piling up inventory space. 'I should hurry up and sign a contract before his drugs wear off.'
The man's face looked relieved at last. As Alex was preparing a motivational speech, out of nowhere, the man morphed into a small globe of light and shot into Alex's eyebrows.
Before Alex could figure out what happened, a voice resonated in his head. 'First General acquired, Sir. Your access to God's inner world is unlocked.'
That's when Alex blacked out.
