Hidden Somewhere Underneath

There was playing music for your friends or your family to try and impress them. There was playing music for a small crowd for something like a talent show. And for the incredibly socially inept, such as Benjiro, you could always play for an invisible crowd sitting in your home furniture. Now, busting out his guitar to try and perform some sort of musical voodoo on a middle aged man with dementia, it would be an understatement to say he felt out of his depth. But then again, there seemed to be a lot of that going around this year. He realized that he had neglected to even ask Saori what sort of music her Dad enjoyed. The man was looking straight at Benjiro from a hunched over position with suspicious and yet inquisitive eyes that belied his uncertainty.

'Oh, well, I suppose this isn't the first time I've just winged something', he nervously thought as he randomly plucked his strings to think of something to play. Sure, he might not make a living as one of those nomadic musicians who could just pull a song out of their butt like it was Thursday, but he at least knew enough. In the midst of his internal mumblings, Benjiro realized he had begun strumming the opening chords to Love of My Life. It may not have been entirely appropriate and may have been a song that Mr. Yamanaka wasn't a fan of, but he began singing anyway.

"Love of my life, you've hurt me", Benjiro began lightly singing, "You've broken my heart and now you leave meee..."

As a trickling stream of melancholy notes and lyrics poured from Benjiro's mouth, the young man couldn't help but wonder what it was like to be close enough to someone, someone who wasn't even a family member and give them so much love and trust. Then for all that devotion to be ultimately rejected. Although the choice of song didn't seem quite right in a logical sense, there was this underlying feeling of completeness and symmetry.

"Back, hurry back, please bring it back home to me, because you don't know what it means to me", Benjiro rendered the end of the song.

Looking back at the Father and daughter duo, the latter looked apprehensive as she looked at the former. Shifting his gaze entirely onto Mr. Yamanaka. His eyes was still stiff as stone, but his overall demeanor was far less, defensive, Benjiro supposed was the best word, than he was before. A nostalgic sigh escaped Mr. Yamanaka's lips, "Ah, that song takes me back to a different time."

Benjiro set his guitar aside out of curiosity, "You like stuff b-by Queen?"

The older man slowly nodded his head in acknowledgment, "Oh yeah, I only saw them a few times when they came to Japan, but damn if they didn't blow you away every time they got onto stage", he paused to let out an amused grunt, "That's actually where I took my wife on the date where we officially became a couple", a dreamy look danced through his eyes, "Everything about that moment just felt so right."

Saori, who had been watching in silent awe, decided to tentatively step in, "Dad, h-how are you feeling? Do you recognize me."

Mr. Yamanaka looked at her with an amused yet quizzical grin, "Uh, sure, Sweetie, I feel fine. And why wouldn't I recognize you? I swear, you get that worrywart part of you from your mother."

Saori looked like she wanted to say something to reprimand her Dad, but instead she replied, "Hey, someone needs to be concerned."

A knock was heard at the door, and in the frame stood the nurse with a small cup full of pills, "Mr. "Yamanaka, it's time for your medicine, sir."

The older man's somewhat lighthearted mood instantly morphed into one of disgust and annoyance, "Ugh, I hate those things. Can't we just skip them and say we did?"

Saori quickly stepped beside and kneel down next to her Dad on his chair, "Daddy, can you take those pills for me, please?"

Mr. Yamanaka looked about to protest, but Benjiro could see his resolve crumble away before he sighed in defeat, "Ah, alright, hand 'em over."

After finishing his horse pills, Saori decided it was probably time for the two of them to leave. She gave her Dad a quick hug and a peck on the cheek goodbye. When they exited the room, the nurse stopped them.

"You should really stop by more often Miss Yamanaka, that's the happiest that I've seen your Dad in weeks."

Saori shuffled her feet back and forth, "I've been meaning to visit, it's just that there's been a lot going on right now."

The nurse just gave the young girl in front of her a knowing look, "I'm sure, but I still would like to see you come around more often", she took another look inside, "And judging from the look on his face, whatever your friend did, it helped him to relax."

Saori smiled with a hint of pride, "Yeah, it looks like my guess had some merit."

Benjiro and Saori found themselves back on the next bus back home. Compared to the ride to the hospital, the studious girl was far less tense and nervous. In her view, despite the clouds in the sky, the world looked a little less gray. Tapping her fingers against the glass in silent contemplation, she wondered if perhaps, she should bring Nojiri with her more often. True, she hadn't been able to cause complete lucidity in her father like she read in some of the articles, but those were still in cases that were early or simple little miracles. Glancing over at him, the boy had his hands rhythmically tapping against his leg, staring out the window, looking less stressed than before, equally pensive.

"What are you thinking of", Saori asked.

It took him a moment of hand squeezing and shifting eyebrows to gather his thoughts, "J-Just never been in a s-situation like that b-before. Really m-makes you think."

Saori looked down at her lap and heavily sighed, "Yeah, it can be rather daunting looking something like that, head on", she turned towards him, "Do you think that I'm a bad daughter? You know for not going to see him until now?"

The expression on Benjiro's face morphed from confused to understanding then considerate, pitiable, and a whole slew of other looks.

"I think that you've been dealing with this in your own way. You're right, it can be tough dealing with this, and yeah it isn't good that you haven't visited."

Saori's face fell when she heard that.

"But, at the same time", Benjiro continued, "Just cause you haven't gone in a while doesn't mean you don't care. I mean, you've been working your butt off, looking at this from every angle you can think of to try and find a way of helping your Dad. It's your private way of helping the cause while also giving yourself enough space that you're not constantly frantic about the whole thing."

Hearing such genuine comfort from the young man made something within Saori stir. Trying to play it off, she put on her smirk, "Never knew you to be such a wise man, Nojiri."

"Mm, I have my moments", he chortled, "But I will give you a little piece of advice for free", he jerked her head towards the direction they were leaving, "The worst part of when people move into places like that: It's not just being somewhere strange, the scary treatments or even the loss of privacy. It's the fact that they feel alone. Like everyone in their life has forgotten they exist, and on the off chance that someone does turn up, they feel like a bullet mark on a chore list."

Feelings of concern, guilt and some other warm feeling were creeping through Saori's heart as she sat and listened, "You've dealt with this kind of thing before?"

Benjiro turned his face away from his friend and towards the window, "Once. A few years ago. I landed in a hospital and saw a lot of people just slowly break down from being so lonely all the time."

"What happened to you", she asked, "Were you in some kind of accident?"

Benjiro's head remained firmly turned towards the window and muttered, "It wasn't that kind of hospital", he cleared his throat, "But, all in all, if you just take a small leap of faith and show up to ask your Dad has been, you'll be doing a lot for him. And if you still need a little distance, hey, you got no judgment on my end."

Smiling softly, Saori laid a hand on Benjiro's shoulder, "If I still get scared, can I count on you to help me out?"

Benjiro stiffened at the touch, but he still answered, "We'll see."

Inwardly the young man was thinking, 'Maybe this is what Mr. Mercury really meant when he sang Love of My Life. That loving someone can be tough, but even when it hurts you, you can't help but still care", he glanced at Saori, 'And when they really need it, you remind them that you still love them.'