Chapter 5

"There is just no way for the diploid cells to divide any faster and not risk a complete breakdown of the cellular wall," Maya Ibuki told the little pink pillow shaped like a bunny. "We are already beyond anything predicted by the Hayflick scale. This sort of thing has never been tried before—I mean we can study some damn lizard, but the Eva is a far more complex organism. You don't happen to have a degree in macromolecular biology, right, Mrs. Bunny?"

"Maya, I think you're loosing your mind," Shigeru Aoba, the self-appointed rock star of the bridge crew said, pausing in his strumming of the imaginary guitar he was holding to look a her with concern. "Has the Commander explained why the big rush? We haven't been on Level One Alert for months. Unit-01 and Unit-02 are still in stasis. And I suppose, technically, they don't have pilots."

"I'm sure there's a good reason." Maya stuffed the bunny between her sore back and the chair. "We just don't know what it is."

"Seems pretty fishy if you ask me," that from Makoto Hyuga, who was leaning against his console, holding a cup of coffee. "That boy was the last Angel, that's what they said before. By the way, Maya, shouldn't you be working on Unit-00?"

Maya sighed. "I'm on break. I don't have anywhere else to be."

Hyuga and Aoba looked mournfully at each other. "Don't you want to get some food? Some sleep?" said Hyuga, concerned.

"The food makes me sick, and I've got too much coffee in me to sleep."

Being NERV's de-facto Chief Scientist was not what she had expected, Maya had already admitted to herself. She could not remember the last time she had left the Geo-Front for her apartment. Maya had been decidedly excited when Commander Ikari had presented her with the opportunity to reconstruct Unit-00.

The project was codenamed Lazarus and it was the first project which would be completely under her control, a tremendous challenge to test the skills she'd learned under the brilliant Dr. Ritsuko Akagi. Cellular mitosis and a host of other procedures had now regenerated almost 25 percent of the vaporized Evangelion, but Commander Ikari was still expressing his displeasure at the lack of progress.

"Maya, I don't think that's very healthy," Aoba said.

Maya truly appreciated their concern. The bond with her fellow operator was one they had forged over dozens of life-threatening situations, and over great tragedy. That's why she felt comfortable coming to them to vent. "Yeah, I know. The schedule is tight enough as it is so it's not like I can really get any time off though."

"If you need more help, feel free to take Haruna over there." Aoba flicked a thumb at a dark haired female operator further down the bridge.

"I don't know anything about biology," Haruna called out, then her voice turned sarcastically sweet, "but thanks for volunteering me for extra work, dipshit."

Hyuga laughed, slapping Aoba lightheartedly on the back. "And she loves you, you say?"

Haruna's wit was totally lost on Maya. "It's not a personnel issue. Half the payroll could volunteer and it wouldn't do any good. I'm the only one with the expertise—other than Doctor Akagi, I mean."

"That is very true."

Doctor Akagi's voice.

Maya was on her feet before the faux-blonde doctor, the genius behind NERV, could come to a stop in front of the small group of operators, her look of utter astonishment shared by everyone.

It fell to Hyuga to ask the obvious. "D-Doctor Akagi? What are you …"

"There's too much that needs doing," Ritsuko Akagi said, seeming oblivious to the fact that every eye in bridge was focused intently on her. "So much, in point of fact, that my services are required once again. As Maya said, there isn't anyone else." She turned to Hyuga. "I'm going to need some equipment. Borrow what you can, take what you can't."

Maya felt a cold knot form in her stomach. "Ma'am, what about Lazarus?"

"Lazarus is your responsibility. If you wish I can provide you with some technical advice, but I've got other things to keep me busy at the moment. I know you've been having problems with rate of mitosis—I read the reports," she added at Maya's incredulous look. "I'll see what can be done to speed things up a bit. But for now the Dummy is my main priority."

"The Dummy?" all three operators said at once.

"It's all about combat effectiveness and redundancy," Ritsuko said shortly. "Hyuga, I can set everything up myself. I just need the equipment. Maya, you should go back to Unit-00's cage. I'll be there shortly."

Maya didn't know what to say. She could hardly believe it. Ritsuko was truly a godsend. Suddenly, she wanted to throw her arms around her boss in a hug. "Ma'am, I don't …"

"Do you want the help or not?" Ritsuko said, her voice cold and busyness-like. "I do not intend to offer twice."

Eagerly, Maya nodded. "Yes, Ma'am. Thank you."

...

The sun had turned the sky a furious orange by the time Shinji got home from school. The elevator was slow and smooth. Whoever did maintenance on it apparently didn't care that very few people used it and still did a good of keeping it up. He swiped his key on the lock automatically.

The first time he had crossed this door he'd hesitated. He'd never had a home—yes, he'd lived with relatives but it was hardly home—and here was this kind stranger, a pretty dark-haired woman, offering her home to him; he couldn't refuse but that didn't mean he couldn't have doubts about sharing such intimacy with someone he hardly knew.

Shinji removed his shoes at the entrance, throwing down his book bag next to them.

The apartment's layout was simple enough, a kitchen just inside the door with an adjacent bathroom, a large living room which led immediately to the master bedroom and the terrace, and down a short corridor to the second bedroom and a closet.

When he'd first moved in he'd taken the smaller room, but when Asuka had arrived he'd been moved to the closet across the hall.

Shinji hadn't complained. He didn't own that much stuff—most of it fit in a single box which Asuka had dumped in his new 'room.' She, on the other hand, owned piles and needed the space more than he did. He could have moved back, certainly; Asuka had been in the hospital for ages and was not likely to return.

He tried not think of her. What happened to her …

"I'm home, Misato," Shinji called as he entered the kitchen, not expecting her to be there.

The untidy wooden table and chairs made navigating the cramped space tricky. As he came around, Shinji frowned at the sight of a girl's school uniform neatly hanging from the back of one of the chairs.

Carefully, he picked up the thin bit of red ribbon the girls wore tied around the collars of their shirts from where it had been set and examined it.

Why was this here? Had Misato decided to clear Asuka's stuff? No. The uniform was clean, freshly pressed. Not the sort of thing that would have been hanging in a closet gathering dust for months.

Then why?

"I wanted to tell you."

Shinji looked up and saw Misato standing under the doorway leading to the rest of the apartment. Her dark eyes looked him over then dropped to the uniform. She seemed tired; her expression careworn. "Asuka is being released from the hospital in a few days."

"Really?" Shinji should have been happy for her, but there was to much pain and guilt and regret attached to his memories of her. And, despite everything, there was also a great deal of concern. "Is she cured?" he asked. "Is she doing okay?"

"She's ... better." Misato did not look at him. "I thought maybe you would like to come with me to the hospital when I pick her up."

Shinji hesitated. The prospect of seeing Asuka again suddenly seemed daunting. But what could he do? She was someone important to him. Someone whose life he was partially responsible for ruining.

"I know Asuka would appreciated it."

He was not convinced, but felt he could do nothing else. "I … yeah, okay."

Although it was clearly what she wanted, his answer did not lighten Misato's mood. Her strangely evasive gaze finally got his attention. Whenever they got a chance to talk she always seemed happy to see him, even if she wasn't feeling particularly upbeat; she always made an effort so the few moments they spent together were enjoyable.

She would at least look at him.

"Misato?" Shinji murmured. "Is there something wrong? With Asuka?"

Misato sighed, leaning heavily against the door frame. "Not with Asuka. It's ... " Her face became hard, determined, and she took a deep breath. "There's no easy way for me to say this so I'll just say it: I need you to pilot Eva again."

Shinji let the ribbon slip from his hand.

Misato quickly added, "I know I promised you wouldn't have to, but the Commander thinks there are more Angels on the way so we have to be ready."

"But you promised." Anger came suddenly over him, strong and unwelcome. It was like a burning wave that washed over him, a rush of emotion that swallowed everything in its path. "You promised!"

Misato shook her head. "I know I did, Shinji. Believe me. If there were anything else I could do-"

"You promised!"

"I know. I'm sorry." Misato's voice was soft. "I'm sorry."

"That's not good enough!" The words were out almost as soon as Shinji had thought them. Somewhere in the back of his mind there was a whisper of restraint, that part of him that felt he owed Misato the chance to explain. He ignored it. "Every time I get in that thing someone gets hurt! Toji. Rei. Asuka. And … Kaworu."

"I know."

"Every time! How can you ask me to go back? Don't you understand what it feels like? Don't you? Being sorry is not good enough! That doesn't make it better. It doesn't take the pain away. You are not the one that has to deal with it!"

"Shinji, I've tried to understand—I really have. But your father, this is his order."

"He can't make me!" Shinji bellowed. "And neither can you. I don't care if you have orders. You're a monster just like my father!"

As that last accusation left his lips he knew he had just crossed a line in the sand. It was a horrible thing to say, especially to someone who moments before he had been convinced cared about him.

Her widening eyes shimmered on the verge of tears and she was taken aback. In his anger he was glad that he could hurt her so deeply merely with words.

"You are right," Misato tried to keep her voice from quivering, succeeding only just barely, "I can't make you. But you are a man. And some times men have to do things they don't like because they are the right things, because people depend on them. Your choices affect more than just you. Your words—" she stopped and for a moment seemed unable to gather her thoughts "—Shinji, I don't want to hurt you. I'm not …"

But Shinji was not listening anymore. "You are just like my father!"

That was the end and Misato recognized it. Nothing she could say would change his mind and she knew it. No matter how she tried to justify her breaking her promise, he would not accept it. He would not pilot Eva again. Visibly deflated, she just nodded and swallowed further argument.

Shinji didn't watch her retreat, instead picking the little ribbon off the floor and dropping, exhausted and betrayed, on the nearest chair, laying his head into his hands.