Chapter 19

“This is a program,” you tell him, throat threatening to close over the words to keep them inside. You shouldn’t have to explain this—it hurts your heart trying to cling to it yourself. “It’s sort of a game, I guess, I don’t know. This guy at work told me about these virtual reality parlors downtown where he goes to get off. Anyone you want, he said, and safer than the girls on the street. Masturbation with a twist.”

“A program.” His voice sounds hollow, distant, like he’s fading away.

You nod, take a deep breath to steady yourself, glance up at the endless denim sky above and try to ignore how close he’s standing, his breath warm on the back of your neck. “I created you,” you say softly. “I thought what the hell, you know? I don’t do real well with guys, I’m not what you’d call a stud or a player or…I just wanted someone to hold me, is that so bad? I wanted someone to love.”