Mom broke my love

One day suddenly I don't feel like living in this city. I decided to go home to see my mother. I immediately started my journey towards home. I started thinking, I will go there, where my family lives, the city where we spent our childhood, even my village and the people of my area. Why am I feeling this pain? I don't know that myself. I feel like I'm missing a lot. When we all came to live in the small hut in the village after Dad lost his job, we had nothing. There was no land, wealth, house. We are sitting on the podium of the poor. Now only farming is my father's occupation. Poverty is always sitting at our doorstep. We live our lives very hard. How long will this go on? Thinking I reached my house.

My family is very happy to see me, especially my mother. Stayed at home with my family for a few weeks. I was feeling very well. I walk around and eat in a new mood. I was feeling pretty good. After some days, my mother told me, "Rafi, you should go to your uncle's house or aunt's house or some other relative's house for a few days. Our house is not safe for you". I'm shocked, I don't know what I did. My mother said my house is not safe for me. Why did my mother say what I did? I asked my mother what kind of harm has been done by me? No I have done something wrong with you.

Mom - I don't want to understand and don't want to know anything. You are not the property of your uncle and his family. you are only my son Why did your cousin touch you? Why does he talk to you? Why does he find you all the time? Why does he look at you every time he looks at you and laughs with you? Why, why, why? Say, answer me.

Rafi - Whoops! Mom, you don't want to understand anything. I did not answer any questions. Because I did not understand which question to answer. this is my mother All the time he wants to give me all love, care and guidance. A mother's guidance is essential for her child. Because I was between thirteen and seventeen years old. It doesn't matter at this age I need my mother because she understands me. He understands what I need to do at any given time. He informs me when I do a task, then what I should show. My mother understands better than I what decisions need to be made at every step of my work. He is a perfect person to fix all phases of my life. I will get the right solution for all my needs from him. Because he raised me from childhood. That's what he wants. I always obey him. But as a teenage boy the relationship between my mother and me and the rest of my family was very complicated.

Every mother thinks about the different behaviors of her children as they grow up and they know that something new can happen every day. Teenage is a time that they experience for a while, only their mother knows best what teenage girls may need from their mother. Those teenage years can be difficult for anyone, boy or girl, and raising a teenage boy involves special considerations. Parents of teenagers have to get a certain degree of accuracy because of how the children will grow, what kind of thoughts they might experience, all that sort of thing. Often at this stage of life they need independence. Adolescents need their mothers in their lives because puberty is a mixture of a boy and a man, and a girl and a woman.

My mom is testing my new boundaries and seeing what I do for parents as individuals. They notice who I have to protect myself. Mother tries to find out how mentally prepared I am. Who are my best friends and how much I love them more than my parents. If mom chooses something for me, I don't like it. I rarely talk to them and so do they. Because of my cousin, the relationship between me and my family started to deteriorate. If he orders any work, I don't want to do it from my own mind. But if someone else or my uncle, cousin orders something, I do it with enthusiasm. I keep searching who cares for me the best. I keep thinking that what looks best on me, that's good. So my vision is reversed. I do not like any word, action, order, instruction or advice of parents. But parents have the best loving nature that I don't understand. Apparently I see their rule but I do not see the love.

It was very important for my parents to confirm this. That they love me so much that even when I do something wrong, parents prove that I am the biggest culprit. Taking care of my brothers and sisters but neglecting me. I think a mother in my life, who doesn't understand how to raise teenagers, will find that her generation falls on a different line. If the mother is confident that her son or daughter has lowered her popularity in the society, she will behave very harshly towards her generation. As a result, this generation may cause something bad or dangerous in their lives.

I understand my mother's frustration towards me. My mother does not like my cousin Kona's behavior. Because our relationship was not that of brother and sister in my mother's eyes. I realize my heart is going on a different path. I also feel why my mother is angry with me. A mother cannot accept that her son is doing something harmful in front of her eyes.

Father is not able to run the expenses of our family due to poverty. We three brothers and one sister live in the same family. I feel burdened by this family. My father decided that he had to go to work outside. He will leave. After a few days he actually left. All of us in the family are feeling lonely without father. In this situation I, my younger brother, sister and my mother are passing the days with great difficulty in the family. The amount of food we had in the house could last for two more days. My mother had already reserved this food for us. After the third day my mother said, "Rafi you arrange some food and you must try to do something. Arrange money as you can to buy us food." It was very difficult for me to confirm this statement of my mother. Then I reached my final destination.

After a few days, I started earning money and running the family. Every day I have to go to work in the market to provide food. I am the only earning member of my family at that time. I was an important person to my mother. Then my love chemistry with my cousin Kona as an earning member was going well. When mother came to know about my affair, she reminded me of Simi's incident and past history. Then I realized my bad habits. I thought I was addicted to girls. Some are addicted to drugs, some to drama, some to study, some to prayer, some to watch movies. So my mother told my father to come home. He will come home and discuss with the whole family and decide about me. How can I fix this problem? I also have to finish the chapter on affairs. That's why they can do anything against me.

I am sure that my parents will make me leave home safely this time. Because my guilt won't let me stay home. According to my parents, danger is imminent. So they might force me to leave the house to save myself from imminent danger before I am in danger.