Goodbye is never good.
The drive to KZN was long and dreaded . I didn't know how to react when I got there ,or how I would be welcomed . We were thoroughly bashed up and that was going to stir up some questions .But my only wish was that I arrive in time to tell my mother I was sorry .On our way we were silent .I was fighting my brain to forget about last night ,pretend as is it never ended . We didn't get the chance to bath ,just took my stuff , the money and lied to Josh the landlord ,he liked me so he believed my big fat lie !
" We need to go home for a quick shower ,wash off the smoke " He said those words without even looking at me .I never knew my brother was so heartless ,he acted normal as if we didn't just barbeque a man . " Okay " I answered him faintly , and my body was all in pain ,I was sure I had pieces of glass on my back ,I needed that shower . We finally reached Durban ,Stanger to be exact . He parked the car and we got out . Joe was standing by the door , I just still had a lot of anger towards him .My mom cheated ,yes ! But I was innocent .
I wanted to turn back ,but it was time I faced him .I was limping and walking slowly towards the door ,Lwandile was carrying my bags . " Pops " Lwandile said that as he entered the house . When I got there he blocked the door ." What happened to you ? " He asked that as if he were concerned . I took my own time thinking of another lie to tell him ,I was getting good at it ." I was mugged ,but I'll live sorry to disappoint you ! " He looked worried you know ,tired ,and drained .
He came close to me and just wrapped his hands gently around me .I was confused and just stood there with a " What the hell ? " question in my head ." I'm sorry Lorna ,I have wronged you so many times before ,and I am sorry ! " He said those words and removed his hands from me ,rubbed his eyes ,trying to hide he was crying . He walked off and I was stunned for some time . Lwandile just smiled . Taking that shower was a torture ,everything in me was painful ,but it felt good to be home .
I ended up driving us to the hospital because Lwandile's left arm was all swollen . Driving to the hospital I realized I did not regret what we did to Lewis ,because it was us or him ,it a tough world out there . We got there and I raced out ,heading to the reception ." Hello I'm here to see Martha Mkhize ... she is my mom ! " As I was saying those words someone touched my shoulder ,when it was Doctor Nate Houton from Jo'burg ,remember him ?
" Ummh Doc ? Why are you in KZN ? " I asked him that ,but I really did not need an answer I just wanted to see my mom .He looked at me for some time ." I can see you in the hurry so we must meet up ,and catch up since I'm still here and maybe tell me about that eye " He said that raising his hand to touch it ." Ummh miss Lorna ,this way " said the nurse so I just walked off " Lunch please ,you have my numbers " Nate shouted . I actually smiled and followed the nurse . When I got in the ward my mom was in ,she was connected in so many machines ,she looked so thin and pale .
Tears filled my eyes ,and I strutted slowly towards her .When she opened her eyes and saw me she tried to sit up but was too weak . Tears scatted down her eyes and she raised her arms in a request for a hug ,I was reluctant but I went straight into her arms ,she was so cold and fragile . " My baby ...My baby " She said those words and for the first time in years I felt love and compassion from my mom .She gave me something I had longed to get for a long time .
After that emotional hug ,we both took a breather and I sat down next to her . " Please hold my hand " She said that and brought it close to me . I held her hand tight ,it was cold and I could feel her bones ." I have been waiting for you ,it has been hard almost gave up but I knew you would come ! Firstly ..." She took time to breath ,and she was coughing badly and all out of breath in just a second . " Firstly I am sorry for being such a bad mom to you ,I should have been there for you and loved you Lorna " She altered those words gently and slowly patting my hand .
I kept on gently wiping off her tears and mine ." Mom I'm sorry ,I could have been better it's not all your fault ,we have lost so much time can't you just hold on just a little longer ? "I felt like a little child who needed her mom there . Lwandile came in " I finally found parking " he said that grabbing a chair and sitting in the other side of mom ." My babies ,somebody really did give you an ass whooping " even on her death Bed she still had her sour sense of humor .
We got there in the afternoon and the doctors let us stay as long as we wanted .That day she told me about what she liked the most about me " Your big brown eyes and your mouth that just never closes ! " .That day was the best one I ever spent with my mom She told me about my real dad ,never mentioned his name but told me he had a colored mother ,that's why I have long silky hair . She told me he was the love of her life , that I was made of love but family forced her to marry Joe . She assured Lwandile that with time she also fell in love with him .
We were all hungry and the clock had strike ten ,we decided to go home and come back tomorrow .I kissed mom in her forehead and as we walked away " Babies I love you ... Lwandile you all strong and I know you will be just fine . Lorna you fragile my baby ,but can survive anything ...but I will be right there by your side always for as long as you need me " She said those words and sighed heavily ,as if a huge burden was lifted of her . Her words meant a lot to us " I love you too mother ,and we will see you tomorrow " I said that blowing her a kiss .Lwandile went to give her a kiss " see you tomorrow ,and we can get all mushy then " He said that and we all laughed and went to the car .
We passed by a drive thru and bought some take outs .When we got home Joe was in a couch ,had a bible on his lap and he was sobbing like a child . We were both surprised on what we arrived to . Lwandile quickly went to kneel in front of him ," Pops what's wrong ? " He asked that question and it as if he triggered him to cry all over again . I went and sat next to him and put my hand over his shoulder .I was really worried .He looked at me and went on my cheat and we just comforted him .
" It's funny how we take for granted the people we claim to love ,and when they finally try to right our actions the lord takes them from us " He altered those words and took our hands ."My children your mother is gone , her sickness has taken her from us . " Lwandile paused for some time and laid his head on Joe's lap and cried out loud . I pulled my hand away from Joe .I thought to myself He was lying it was all a trick ,When we left just a few minutes ago mom looked better ,she said she will see us tomorrow ,she said she was going to be there ,that couldn't have been goodbye ,because I was not ready to let her go !
" No no ,when we left she was okay ,she was fine ." I was in denial . They both came up to me and we did a group hug .With our tears falling to the ground ,forming a stream ,a river . We had to go to the hospital that very minute . Joe drove us there .Lwandile couldn't even speak ,I hate seeing him hurting . When we got to the hospital I raced up to my mom's ward .She was laying there ,they were about to cover her . When I saw her there I found a little closure , she looked peaceful and without any worries .I had seen earlier how she was struggling with all those machines .
Lwandile just went straight into my arms and they took her away to the mortuary . She passed away on a Tuesday ,so we had enough time to plan for her funeral ,which was organized to be on a Saturday . Joe organized the funeral whilst I had to take care of Lwandile .Moms death really hit him hard ,it was just so unexpected . At dawn on Wednesday I found him on the couch ,with a bottle of Joe's whisky in his hand and playing some music .It was still dark but his face was sparkling ,and saw it was his tears .I just grabbed a glass and sat next to him ,rested my head on his chest and we drank our sorrows away .
The day of the funeral arrived and it was hectic . Waking up in moms room made things a little better .The one thing I only noticed then is that Joe really loved my mom ,because he was so devastated and out of it . Lwandile and I spent the night on mom's bed ,talking about the great time we had with mom. . The relatives we had never even met started arriving ,and giving out orders it was just too overwhelming to me . They acted as if they knew her ,when they never even cared about her . Making dibs on her stuff ,and saying all those nice words , it made me sick .
The service was about to begin so we all got seated . Lwandile was on my shoulder all the time ,he couldn't stop crying ,and after everything he did for me I was going to be there for him . The service began and they started by singing mom's favorite song " Fix me Jesus " . That song spoke to me ,my life was a mess and it needed fixing and only God could do that for me . That song reminded me of the time when we had made mom really mad ,and she would just play it and be all jolly in just seconds .
We finally laid her to rest and tears began rolling down as I saw that coffin slowly went into the ground . Everybody made their way to the house but I just stood there for some time . " Baby you coming ?" Lwandile asked that coming towards me . " You can go ...I'll join you " He walked away .I had been strong all day ,because I did not want any ones' sympathy .When they were all gone I just broke down and cried my lungs out ,and curled down on that ground .
" I thought I told you not to cry for me because I'm at a better place now ,and I told you I will always be there " that was my mom's voice .I was shocked to the core . I wiped my tears and looked around . I seriously thought I was losing it ,I was going insane . " Up here dear " The voice it came back again ,when I looked up .I it was an image of my mom .Like one of her best pictures ,but the freaky thing was she was talking ,blinking and it was come kind of a faint image . I tried to stand up but went flying to the floor unconscious . That was too much ... too soon .