Kazami's Diary

*To whoever is reading my diary in the future. I am still learning this language; please excuse me for all the grammatical errors.

July 9, 2020

I turned 7 years old today, which also happened to be the day I was diagnosed with a fatal illness, an illness so severe that it nearly took my life when I was young. Fortunately, my mother gave up everything to discover a treatment for me. On the other hand, since I was born, my father, who was a member of a sizable criminal organisation, has had little interest in me. Mother claims that he is the owner of a variety of facilities, including casinos, nightclubs, prostitution facilities, and drug dens. I have no idea what those are, but my mother says they are wicked places. The code names for these four gangsters included Sin, Guilty, Sorrow, and Fear. With the exception of Sin, my father, who was known as the "king among kings" in the city, the mafia families had complete control over a particular section within each of the wards according to their level of dominance.

When I visit my father occasionally, he never says anything to me since he still views me as a child. He would frequently give me expensive gifts, occasionally even a box of cash for me to spend however I pleased, but I had no interest in any of that. The only thing I wished for was for my father to stop abusing my mother and start treating me like a normal son. When my parents argue, the housemaid in my home would always advise me to cover my ears, but doing so would just make me feel worse. Even though I am aware that the alcohol is what is making him curse at my mother and me, it hurts to hear him say it. When I questioned her if she was crying, she would often deny it, but I could tell she was lying since her eyes were so purple in the morning. I could hear her crying from the other room.

14th of August 2020

I must have fainted somewhere yesterday while on the playground because I woke up today lying on the hospital bed once more. Last night, I went out on my own when my drunken father returned home and yelled at my mother and me once more. Since the day I was born, my alcoholic father has come home once a week and abused my mother. I occasionally step in and take some of the blows for my mother when I can move. It appears that my father did care about me to some extent because he would stop abusing her when I entered the room. Fortunately, I wasn't the only one who went out that night; my mother also did so in order to avoid a confrontation with my drunken father. Even though it's true that I don't have a regular body, I have a mother who gives up everything to keep me alive. She assured me that she is a scientist who primarily treats children who exhibit my symptoms at this hospital. My situation was the worst one yet out of all the patients there because my body may spontaneously burn and disintegrate at any time with no prior notice. Although I know my mother will always be there for me, I sometimes feel terrified and lonely.

20th of August 2020

It feels so bizarre not to be able to manage your own legs the way others would. Today I fell at school. Why do they have to stare at me like that? The shadows loomed over me as they watched me tear up on the ground. I cried and shouted at them to leave because I was so hurt and angry. The look my classmate gave me only fuelled my despair. It appeared as though they regarded me as inhuman, similar to a parasite or sickness. It also doesn't help that my grades at school are getting worse. It feels like no matter how hard I try; I could never beat those with talent. All I could do is try my best to imitate others' talent. If I could just take one good thing out from everyone, I wish that one day I can become the version of myself that I wouldn't be disappointed in.

I just wanted to be like everyone else; I didn't want to make my parents suffer or cause my friends to drift away. Even after all these years, I still couldn't make any new friendships; being alone hurts so much. I hope that this loneliness that I despise will end soon.

17th of September 2020

We are packing up the house since my mother announced that we are on a trip to Japan. According to her, Japan is quite far away from where we are. Father doesn't seem to yell at Mother anymore and appears to be home more frequently now. Likewise, he spoke with me. We had a conversation for the first time; before that, Dad would typically just come home and tell me to get ready for bed. Both my father and mother appear to be smiling more frequently right now. I'm curious as to what has changed so suddenly. I know we're leaving on vacation, but why did we have to pack up our entire home?

October 1, 2020

I arrived in Kyoto, a fascinating location. The language used here is quite weird, and it appears that no one can understand what I'm saying. In order to attend this school, my mother told me to speak like them. I was unable to make friends in my home country, and since I have no one to miss or be missed by, I suppose it's a good start. My mother told me that I must remain here for a while since, according to her, this place has medicines that can treat my illness. I was astonished to receive so much shocking news. Only a second ago, I suddenly realised that I had been on a plane travelling into a fairy tale when I eventually found myself at this chilly location that held the key to curing my illness. I'm going to keep today's journaling to a minimum because I'm not sure how I feel about all these new changes.

1st of April 2021

A cold spring breeze blew by and swept on my face. It's beautiful how the leaves fall. It's a flurry of pink and white. It seems like an ordinary day to begin my first day at school in Kyoto. Everything seems so surreal; only a few months ago, I was still unsure of when I would be allowed to return home and how I would manage to keep my sickness a secret from my schoolmates. I can control my body without hurting myself, and I can't believe I'm normal now. I suppose I'll also be staying in this location for a little longer.

My day at school today was quite intriguing since I was able to make a new buddy named Kang Ji-Soon, who was a really interesting person. It took us only a few minutes to discuss our hobbies, despite the fact that we had just met. He shared with me his love of karate and his interest in games. It was quite comforting to have someone casually express their thoughts to me. Surprisingly, Kang seems to be a very logical individual who firmly believes in the concept of chance. I didn't understand what he meant when he said he thought everything happened through fate. Maybe I heard something wrong. Since my Japanese wasn't as good as his, it was a little challenging to speak with him.

8th of April 2021

Today I met a very interesting person. I spotted a girl sitting on a yellow seat next to the pathway leading to the school entrance as I was moving towards the school gate. She was gazing directly into a small garden next to the school gate when I noticed she seemed off. I approached her and asked her what she was doing sitting all alone, out of curiosity, I suppose. Before she could respond, though, I saw why she was glancing off into the distance. As pink petals blew vivaciously in the sunlight, a sizable Sakura tree could be seen in the distance. During a short period of time, I experienced a trace sensation throughout my body, much like in a dream. She greeted me with a question. "Beautiful, isn't it?" She also told me her name was Jang Hoyeon Mai.

July 9, 2021

My mum surprised me with a tablet for my birthday. The tablet she gave me was the newest model from a new gaming company, where she apparently got a job. Father appears to have taken on another position, but he consistently ended up leaving them after a few months or so. every time I questioned him about his gang and his position. He would always attempt to steer clear of the name Sin. My father still talks to me like I'm a child and acts as if I don't care about all the wrong things he did. But I couldn't keep blaming him; my mother is now happy that my illness has been treated, and the father is now trying to care for the family. My actual family, where there is laughter in the morning and happy whispering at night, is all I've ever wanted, and I've finally got it. Thank you, mum and dad. Know that I will always love you both.

September 4, 2021

Today's weather was partly cloudy, and Kyoto's morning mist still lingered over the city. It reflected light from the outside, turning the area around it lemon-yellow. The weather was a little chilly now that we were farther into October, making this the most refreshing month of the year. Since I've been in Kyoto for nearly a year, I can't say that I miss my home country. After all, I never really had anybody to miss; instead, it was this place that helped me let go of the past. From this point forward, together with my two new close friends, a boy named Kang Ji-Soon, and a girl named Jang Hoyeon Mai, I won't be dwelling on those memories but rather living life to the fullest.

Since Hoyeon's father works for V.I.R.M. as a developer, the three of us recently took part in a local gaming event where we got to play their most recent beta test game, Fever Impact, an open-world MMORPG that has amassed millions of players worldwide. My father recently joined the company and is now working as one of the team software developers. He was bound to get hired sooner rather than later, given his prior experience as an engineer. I'm just glad that my father has finally given up alcohol since he seems so much happier now that he has a job he likes.

17 December 2021

I got notice that my father had been invited to a business meeting with V.I.R.M. at Western Tokushima Prefecture. Iya Valley, deep in the centre of Shikoku Island, seems like we will be spending the night in the large wooden cabin on the side of a hill, above a large flower field.

The remote valley is notable for its deep, rocky canyons and steep mountain slopes, which were formerly crossed by vine bridges. My father said he will take the whole family on his business trip, and he said we should treat it as the family's holiday that happens once per year. Not only will the scenery be amazing to just slack off and relax the whole day, but Hoyeon will also be coming every year as well. Now I will be able to look forward to this day every year—the day that I get to spend time with my family and friends.

21st of February 2022

Hoyeon's birthday is today, so when we got out of school, Kang, Hoyeon, and I went to her dad's workplace to celebrate both Hoyeon's birthday and the launch of the video game Fever Impact. It took me a bit to sign up; however, since I struggled to come up with a good username, Hoyeon decided to recommend the name "Kirizkuuk," which sounds like "Kirisaku" which means "cut through". I really like the name; it makes me feel like a master swordsman of sorts. Then she went on a tangent about how this name is perfect for me and how it captures every aspect of who I am. Hoyeon has always been quite kind; she has a greater capacity for empathy and understanding than I do, and she has a much easier time absorbing the emotions of others around her.

We stepped out onto the first-floor balcony of V.I.R.M.'s building after the party ended and before Kang left early to avoid the adults' drunken party. This floor, however, is furnished with the most cutting-edge prototype equipment and 3D models. The company is relatively small; therefore, it has to make do with a 4-story structure, which is far smaller than even Kyoto's relatively modest skyscrapers. I observed the city view with Hoyeon, whose hair gleamed in the sunlight like the evening sky.

In that moment, a tremendous explosion rocked the ground, and the sky became a brilliant orange as the wind swiftly swept our hair back and forth. It seemed like the sky was suddenly exploding with stars. Even after seeing so much beauty today, I couldn't believe what I was watching as fireworks were let off to commemorate a day that could go down in history. I stared at Hoyeon, who was fixated on the colourful horizon, until the sun had nearly entirely set. After the fleeting moment had passed, I was finally able to muster up the courage to give her the present. It was a necklace of a floating castle that was made entirely out of silver. I was lucky to be able to win the limited item through an online game. She gave me a smile before accepting it, and we waited until dusk fell before leaving with our hands tightly held to one another.

I gave Hoyeon a promise and an oath that I would never go back on. I will take her all over the world to experience everything together, and then we will settle down in a small cabin right next to a lake on a floating island. Quietly, with no one to disturb us, we will live out our peaceful lives until the end of time. I promise you, and I will cherish every second with you.

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1st of January 2031

Wondering why I met her on that day 7 years ago drives me crazy. My name is Kazami Lynn, and I've been living in Kyoto for as long as I can remember. I'm the only son of the Lynn family, who are known to be famous scientists and gang leaders. People place the notion that I inherit their brains and brawls; it is as though my life has been forcefully shackled with my parent's responsibilities. I'm not interested in any of those innovative technologies, and I'm certainly not interested in the shady business that my father conducted in the past. I'm also not absorbed enough to pursue the path of becoming a physicist. That was the case until my faithful encounter with the two girls, Hoyeon and Tang-Ji, on the vivid flower field. We were naive kids that didn't know any better; what else could we have done to change that blazing night? I couldn't protect Hoyeon, whom I love; rather, I caused her trauma that could never be erased, and I failed to prevent Tang-Ji from losing her memories.

Alongside losing them, my parents were brought down along with our wooden lodge. The moments of fire crashing down on my mind with constant fear and the blurry vision of Tang-Ji screaming in agony from the intense heat were ingrained deep into my very soul. Hoyeon was sent away, along with Tang-Ji, who was transferred to a private hospital. I couldn't reach them both for the past 7 years because our parent's network company blocked all our locations and contact with each other. Each account is made under VIRM's influence; they can choose whether to delete or retain your information for themselves. It is ethically and morally wrong, but that's just how the new world functions. Kyoto isn't under the influence of the Japanese government system due to its high privileges from its otherworldly innovations.

1st of March 2031

I pace myself along the boiling hallway to get rid of these spare computer parts along with a towering pile of hard-copied documents for our next club event. Some of the new students accidentally broke one of our school computers after tripping on one of the cables. Now I have to hand in an apology letter along with some of my compensation. It's unbelievable that when I started this hobby of mine, the intention was just to be able to relax and do some competitive gaming after school. Now I'm stuck with clean-up duties for these ungrateful juniors, who keep protesting about how we should buy new computers. I whirled about the corner of the art room, and suddenly I was rammed headlong to the ground by a student. The papers, along with the mechanical parts I'd been carrying, shot into the air like a burst feather pillow. The girl laying on the ground slowly retracted her body into a sitting upright position. At that moment, fate had once again reminded me of my morbid past. It seems like fate likes to tailgate my fragile mind; no matter where I go, the things from the old days will always come back as grim reminders.

When our eyes met in that humid corridor, you were glowing brilliantly under the afternoon light. Long, jet-black hair was flicked by the gentle breeze. An expression so apathetic followed, along with the dark blue irises like sapphire. There is no doubt in my mind that this is the girl whom I have seen in my dream's countless times—the girl who shared the same dream as me—the one that made me the person I am today. Tang-Ji's presence had my face flustering a little. I mean, how could I not? She was breathtakingly beautiful. You averted your eyes moments later, hinting to me that you have zero recollection of us ever meeting. I became tense with my body gestures while stuttering with every sentence. I pretended to complain about my club members, hoping you didn't notice my uptight expressions. While I was apologising, you abruptly collapsed in the corridor. You felt so light when I carried you to the nurse's room. You might have all grown up looking different, but I can still see the once cheeky girl you used to be.

This reminds me of when you passed out from exhaustion after sprinting around the flow field. I had to carry you back to the cabin on the side of the mountain. Our memories might have been short, but we sure did spend every second of them with each other. When you opened your eyes, my anxiety finally blew away, and you sat up with a blank expression, looking dazed from the collision. I hope I didn't injure you any further than you already are. I told you my name in hopes of sparking your memories, yet nothing returned, nor did it change your nulled appearance. It looks like the only way left is to trigger that old consciousness of yours through something that you are passionate about. I reluctantly invited you to join my E-sport club, and to my surprise, I finally received a text message from you at 1:30 a.m. saying that you would be joining the club. At least one thing hasn't changed about you; you sure do stay up late. 

1st of April 2031

A large swinging motion curves vertically down onto the red monster as I run through its body with a sword slash. With a flick of my mouse while repeatedly tapping the keyboard in an odd sequence to execute an advanced combo as a finisher, the hitpoint gauge on the top of the monster's head rapidly drains down to zero before exploding into millions of colourful particles. Alongside me was Tang-Ji, whose in-game character is Zilynx, a magic gunslinger who effortlessly dances across the battlefield with petals of bullets raining down on her enemies. We have been talking more frequently now since that afternoon, and as we grew closer through countless nights of video games, she's been getting into that game more often now. Her memories might have been gone, but her skills in this game have not declined—not even an inch. She was able to flawlessly conquer the whole PVP (player versus player) religion, even though I struggle to keep up with her speed, even though I've been playing this game every day.

I recalled that her in-game character class was considered one of the hardest on the mastery ranking. It takes fast reaction time and precision to be capable of manoeuvring around like a gunslinger. It's the weakest class in the game in terms of mobility, but also one of the highest magical damage dealers in the game. A novice would have already changed their class after a few dungeon runs; even fighting with in-game mobs has already proven to be a difficult task for this class. Funny, really. She has always been a solo player; she probably doesn't want to form a party with other players because they might slow her down or get in the way. Even I have trouble keeping up with that brash girl. How time flies when you decide not to pay any attention to it.