Your own advice

I do not leave the house the next day. It is ridiculous, it is ever so stupid, but I cannot believe myself to be in love. I could never be so foolish as to be in love. It is not what I wanted nor what I expected and I am not so sure how exactly I am to deal with it. My brother shall be no use, he is the same as me, he has never wished to marry and so he has never wished to fall in love and it is not that I did not wish for these things but that I never expected I would.

The day after I attend a ball. As soon as arrive, I see his beaming and beautiful face as he walks towards me, bounding over and kissing my hand softly. "My lady, I did not see you yesterday. And my life was worse off for it!"

"Oh. Yes." I force a smile back to him. I feel unusual, peculiar, like I am no longer sure how I am supposed to act around him. I do not know what to say or do, the entire situation feels... awful. He seems to sense this instantly.

"Is everything okay, my lady?"

"Just grand." I am blunt with him. I do not altogether mean to be, it is simply how it happens. I do regret it when I see the slight frown on his face, but I shall not say so.

There is a moment of silence before he speaks once more, his voice hushed. "Is it something I have done wrong, my lady? You left before... you left before I got back with our drinks, my lady."

"Yes. Well. I... I left." I sigh and shake my head, taking a little step back away from him, hesitating once again. What am I supposed to say to him, how am I supposed to address him or look at him or even begin to speak to him once again now I have to acknowledge my own feelings? "I apologise, Mr Bridgerton. I believe I must go."

"Go? I do not understand what I have done, if you might only tell me what it is I have done, my lady, and I shall be so eager to fix it! I shall do whatever it takes for you to deem it fine, my lady. What is it I have done?" He attempts once again to take my hand but I do not allow him to, and he looks at me with confused eyes and a frown I have never seen before. "I... I suppose I shall leave you alone, Delilah, if that is what you shall wish."

"That... yes. It is what I wish." I keep my head down and turn on my heel so I may move away from him, backing off and finding someone else that I must talk to, I must find myself a distraction, or I shall find myself longing to stride back across the ballroom and back into his arms without a second thought and I cannot do that. I wish to go home, so my next attempt is to try and find Simon. "Simon, may we speak? Simon..."

"What is it, sister?" He is stood alone, seemingly watching Daphne and the prince with longing eyes that he tries to disguise with a scowl. "Is there something wrong?"

"I wish to go home. Please." I barely have to say anything more, I suppose he does not wish to be here either, as he is quick to take my hand and leave the ball with me in tow. I expect for him hail down a carriage but he does not, instead he continues to lead me down the road and I realise that we are walking home. "There is something bothering you as much as there is something bothering me, brother. Do share?" He shakes his head instantly at my request. "Fine. Then I suppose you shall have to listen to me talk of what it is bothering me!"

"That is fine. Speak away, dear sister. I am sure I shall not be able to stop you from doing so either way."

"Fine. I believe myself to be in love and I have not a clue of what I am to do about it." I begin to speak, and although I am uncomfortable with what I speak of, I must say it or I feel I might explode. "I feel different when I am with him. I feel like... a good person. I enjoy his company so and I... I do not want to lose that. I am in love with him. But... how... how do I know he is in love with me as well? I cannot risk that he does not feel the same way or that we shall marry and he shall see that I am truly an irritating and horrible person to be around, and then what shall I do?"

"Delilah. Please." My brother sighs once again. "Please, take a breath. Think of what you are saying. You are wrong if you do not believe he is just as enamoured with you as you are with him. Just to be clear, we are speaking of Benedict and not Anthony, are we not?"

"I hate you."

"Yes. I am sure you do." He chuckles to himself which is not something I see him do so often. I am glad at least he is enjoying my misfortune. "I find myself in love with Daphne Bridgerton. I do not know if she feels the same as I do and even if she should, I cannot give her what she wants. I do not feel I am worthy of her love, if I married her then what shall happen when she decides that I am not altogether worthy of her love? What shall you advise me to do?"

I pause for a moment as I look at him in his slightly vulnerable moment. "I should advise you to stop being ever so foolish. You are worthy of the world, you must have what you deserve." He raises a knowing eyebrow at me, a small ghost of a smile fading on his face. "What?"

"Perhaps you should take your own advice, hm?"