Chapter 43

It's been about a month and a half since the plane crash and today is my first day back at work. Mostly everyone else had already returned to work, but I had to wait for my ankle to recover which took longer than expected since I aggravated the break even more by walking on it so much. I still wasn't completely healed and I had ankle pain and swelling sometimes, but I was tough. I could handle it. Physically I was recovering well, but not emotionally. My plan was originally to leave Seattle as soon as I got out of the hospital, but with Derek not being able to operate, because his hand isn't one hundred percent where it used to be yet and Mark currently being in a coma, Jackson and I decided to stay in Seattle. It just didn't feel like the right time. Mark has officially been in a coma for 30 days today and we're supposed to unplug him at 5, but I refuse to believe he isn't going to wake up, he has to. We already lost Lexi, we can't lose him too.

Arizona's still out of work because her leg had to be amputated and Alex has delayed going to Hopkins for now to help run the Ped's department. Cristina left for the Mayo Clinic as soon as she got out of the hospital, which I couldn't blame her for at all. I haven't really spoken to her since she moved, but I really haven't been speaking to anyone since the plane crash. It took something from me. I just felt so angry and numb. I haven't gotten a good nights rest since I was sedated in the hospital, now everytime I close my eyes I have flashbacks of everything that happened in the woods and everytime I go to sleep I have nightmares that I'm trapped out there again and I just wake up screaming and crying, so I just don't sleep to avoid it.

"How's your first day back?" Jackson asked giving me a kiss as I stood at the front desk.

"Fine, it would be even better if my idiot intern was back with my scans already. I swear she's clueless." I grumbled as I focused on my charts.

"You probably scared her off. You haven't even been back a full day yet and you've already instilled fear into all of the interns. They've even given you a nickname."

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

"Ice queen."

"Nice." I smirked proudly.

"Would that happen to be your intern over there?" He asks looking over at Jo Wilson, who was nervously standing a little distance away staring at me.

"Yep." I sighed. "Wilson will you come over here with my scans instead of just standing there staring, like a lost puppy. I've been waiting for those for over an hour." I sighed taking the files from her when she walks over.

"I had to do an admission..." She begins to explain.

"Stop making excuses." I interrupted not wanting to hear her pathetic excuses.

"Sorry." She apologizes.

"Stop apologizing." I frowned.

"Okay."

"Stop talking. You know what you've already given me a migraine and it's not even half way through the day. Go see if another attending needs your help, you're off of my service for today." I say walking away.

"Liliana was that really necessary?" Jackson asked following behind me, obviously feeling bad for the intern.

"Yes it was. I should not have had to wait an hour for her to bring my scans to me. She had basic instructions." I complained.

"I'm just saying you were a little harsh."

"Well so is life." I shrugged before walking away from him. I go find Derek who's sitting in the attendance lounge by himself staring off into space.

"Hey." I say walking into the lounge and sitting beside him.

"Hey, how's your first day back?" He smiled obviously happy to see me.

"Frustrating, interns are clueless." I sighed shaking my head.

"So I hear, ice queen." He jokes making me smirk.

"Yeah, Jackson told me about my nickname. I didn't expect to earn it so quickly." I chuckled taking a seat beside him.

"Have you said goodbye to Mark yet?" He asked looking over at me, making me tense up.

"Why would I say goodbye, Mark is going to be fine." I frowned. Trying to convince myself that the doctors were wrong and that Mark would wake up.

"Lily, he hasn't woken up yet. We have to unplug him at 5. He's not coming back from this." Derek sighed. It was obvious that he had given up hope like everyone else, as a doctor I understood why.

"Stop thinking like that, Mark is not dying" I shook my head.

"Lily..." Derek sighs.

"Let's not even talk about it anymore." I interrupt him.

"Fine." He sighs letting it go. "What time is your first attending surgery?"

"In two hours." I answer.

"Are you nervous?" He asked.

"No, I know that I'm ready." I said confidently. "But I was thinking it would be nice if you joined me in the OR."

"Lily, I can't even operate." He pointed out.

"You don't have to. I'll be operating you can just watch. Attending's do that all the time."

"Yeah, when they're watching their residents operate. You are not a resident anymore. The OR is yours today, not mine so I'm going to watch from the gallery like everyone else." He says.

"Okay." I pouted.

"I do have something for you though, follow me." He says before getting up. I follow him until we make it into the the attendings locker room and he reaches into his cubby pulling out a ferry boat scrub cap that matches his.

"This is for you. Now you'll feel like I'm still in the OR with you even though I'm not." He smiled handing it to me.

"Thank you so much, I love it." I said hugging him. Derek was thoughtful and I knew he would always be  with me even when he wasn't. He is so supportive and I couldn't ask for a better best friend.

"Your welcome." He smiled. "Do you remember what you're supposed say before you operate?" He smirked.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives." We smile in unison.

"I need to go discuss some things with Callie." He said and I automatically knew what they needed to discuss. Mark. "I'll be in the gallery during your surgery, you're going to do great." Derek smiled before walking away. I go to the cafeteria and join Meredith, Alex, and Jackson for lunch.

"Thanks for kicking Wilson off you're service, now I'm stuck with her." Meredith grumbled as I sat down.

"Better you than me." I shrugged.

"Well I picked her to do the intern appy?" Meredith says.

"You're really doing the intern appy?" Alex asks.

"Jealous." Meredith smirks proudly.

"He's too busy just doing the interns." Jackson jokes.

"Are you gonna say good-bye to your fan club before you leave?" Meredith asks.