Chapter 63

As twilight approached, Joshua exited the bathroom with a towel on his head, now refreshed and showered. What he did not expect to see was Henry sitting on the sofa, staring blankly ahead. His sandy hair was now damp and now in a pair of grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt. It seemed like the other man had also decided to cleanse himself once done with… what happened.

It took Henry a couple of seconds to realise that Joshua had come out, turning towards the man only to find himself frowning. "Is the towel an ornament? Your hair is dripping." Not thinking twice in his semi-tired state, the young man stood up and walked over to the other. Once stood in front of him, he picked up the towel that was uselessly laying on Joshua's head and started to dry his hair of what water the near saturated towel could absorb. Once his hair was less wet and more damp-to-dry, he threw the towel onto Joshua's face before walking back to the couch.

Ignoring how touched he felt by the simple action of having his hair dried for him, Joshua removed the towel from his face with a ghost of a smile. He went back into the bathroom to hang the towel up to dry before going over and sitting next to the other man.

"Don't want to sleep?"

Henry shrugged in response, needing a second to put his thoughts into words. "I didn't realise how wound up I was, and now that I've relaxed, everything is just too… quiet? I don't know. I feel too refreshed to sleep, if that makes sense."

"Fair enough. I probably was not going to sleep yet either for the same reason."

They fell into silence as the living area filled with more light along with the sky. It was still barely 4AM, meaning other than the faint sound of annoyingly early birds, the rest of the world seemed still. It was not the first silence they had fallen into throughout the night, but this one was by far the calmest.

But the comedown really was a little much for the young men. After having been so high strung the past five days, there was finally some quiet in their minds. The past few days had been filled with the two getting on each other's nerves while battling the nicotine withdrawal symptoms. In fact, neither had used a patch since waking up the morning after the finance meeting.

Henry realised that this morning marked their fifth day nicotine free. There was a small part of him that felt a little proud at the achievement. But another part of him felt silly for being proud, he was the one stupid enough to fall into the addiction to begin with. He should have been more careful. He should not have started again to begin with. The whole reason he and his friends held back on smoking just before he graduated was because they saw first-hand how hard withdrawal was with one of their youngest friends. For someone who knew the ins and outs of a smoking addiction and the journey of quitting, Henry could not help but feel a little stupid for having not committing to never smoking again before. He felt even more ridiculous now because he still was not committing to it.

"Ah, withdrawal symptoms…" a light bulb lit up in the blond man's mind. "That's why we got so pent up all of a sudden! My friend and a few others said it too, their libido shot up when they stopped smoking. Not everyone, but enough mentioned it. I must've not noticed it last time since I was still going out pretty frequently."

Joshua looked at Henry, had the whole thing really weighed that heavily on his mind?

Seeing that Henry was no longer in a daze, Joshua put away the worry he had not realised he accumulated and thought about what had been said. It was definitely not unheard of and considering the amount of stress the two had been subjecting themselves too on top of that, it was not insane to come to such a conclusion. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more Joshua found that it made sense. A little nonsensical that they had both been hit at the same time, but at this point he had come to accept that a lot of things no longer went how logic would dictate.

"You're probably not wrong. It gives some explanation for the sudden out of character behaviour on my end."

Hearing that, Henry suddenly remembered something he had called Joshua out on earlier. "You really don't masturbate? Ever?"

The older man was not sure how to react to the question. Not because of the question itself, he had no issue with answering that. No, it was because he could not believe this question came from the same man who was ashamed of needing to relieve himself mere hours ago. Were they really the same person, had Henry simply been that stressed?

In reality, after what had now been done, Henry had realised that there was no reason to have been so conscious of the whole thing. It was clear that the whole pretending to be a gay couple thing had left him strangely jaded. But if he thought about what he would have done in the same situation with any of his other friends, they would have just had a laugh and then dealt with themselves before having another laugh. He had really been a little too overly conscious around Joshua earlier.

"Honestly, no. That was probably the third time in my life, definitely the first since I was maybe 15 years old." Joshua bit back a laugh as Henry's jaw dropped in shock. The young man seemed to be having trouble getting his words out.

"Ah, b-but… what… how, like, um… really?!" In the end, Henry was just left with his mouth agape.

Joshua snickered a little as he closed Henry's mouth. "Yes, really." His hand was promptly whacked away as Henry collected himself.

"Okay, not to make things weird, but seriously, how? Why? I'm honestly curious now." Henry really was intrigued now that the shock was subsiding. To him, the idea of essentially never masturbating seemed entirely absurd. But he had met many different kinds of people during his university days, and what he young man had found was that he always wanted to gain some sort of understanding on people's actions or preferences, regardless of whether he could agree or relate.

"Not weird," Joshua confirmed before answering the question. "To be honest, I just didn't enjoy it when I was a teenager. There was no satisfaction to it, I was more satisfied with a cold shower, or a run compared to handling myself. And none of that really mattered after started dating my girlfriend during high school and going out during university. I was getting enough to more than satisfy my own needs."

"But I thought you hadn't slept with anyone since graduating, except that time we fucked up."

"After graduating, between moving back home and throwing myself into work, I didn't really have to time for anything other than a cold shower every so often. But also, I was so preoccupied that I don't actually remember the last time I wanted to sleep with anyone, except that time we fucked up, as you put it. Also, after being scarred by Archer's sex life, no one would even feel like going out."

Henry digested each part Joshua had shared with him. Perhaps Joshua's libido was a little low, so it was manageable with the hook ups during university. But what honestly got to the young man was that Joshua genuinely did not seem to enjoy masturbation. While he could acknowledge each person's preferences were different, the concept just seemed impossible to him.

"Did you try different techniques or media? Or was the sensation just not stimulating enough?" He was so intrigued that he had not even realised what he had asked.

Joshua seemed to match his pace, answering without skipping a beat. "No, it just wasn't satisfying, a physical release is one thing, but it didn't even feel all that relieving physically. But I just figured it wasn't for me, so I didn't really bother trying anything out of the typical. Nothing seemed to really appeal."

"So what, just jerking off to like a video or picture?"

"Yeah."

"And when that didn't work, you didn't even think about experimenting with something else?"

"Sex was more than fine so didn't bother."

Henry could only stare at Joshua in amazement. Was this really a human being?

"No need to look at me like I have three heads," Joshua joked, smoothing the young man's scrunched eyebrows. "Is it really that much of a shock to you?" To him, it really did not feel like a big deal. While Joshua had been self-conscious of it before while he was in school, after losing his virginity he realised it really was not a big deal. It was something he had come to peace with.

"I mean… personally, it seems insane to me. The fact that you have gone through life just not masturbating… genuinely I find it hard to wrap my head around. I mean each to their own, but I genuinely can't imagine a life without giving some time to yourself like that."

"Well, someone is oddly passionate."

Henry too one look at the sly smile on Joshua's face before sending his arm out to whack the other man. "Don't try tease me, I am."

Just as Joshua had come to peace with his own situation, the subject was something Henry no longer saw any embarrassment in discussing – which was of course a whole other matter when it came to a situation like earlier, but as a whole he really was quite passionate on self-care, including the sexual aspect.

If he had said that to anyone he knew, he would have promptly been whacked in the head with a 'hypocrite' sign.

"Okay, it's a little unfair for me to make you share without doing the same. But genuinely, I could not imagine my life without masturbating. In university, I would give half an hour to myself minimum. It was sort of like meditation for me. And I have tried just about every masturbation technique under the sun to see what I enjoyed most. I have also tried every legal form of pornographic material. Essentially my entire first year of university was me getting to know my own body, and I can't imagine it having been any other way. And I definitely do not think I would have enjoyed my sex life nearly as much if it wasn't for all the personal experimenting.

"So yes, extremely passionate on the topic. And it's one thing if for some reason you genuinely just don't like getting yourself off, but if it's a matter of you just not finding what is the right fit for you, I feel like it is a horribly missed opportunity for you."

Despite the direction of the conversation, Joshua could not help but feel touched again, the sincerity in the blond man's voice was genuine and raw. He really did think it was a lost opportunity for him.

"Ah, okay, I guess now it really is a bit weird. But if you even are interested in trying something different, I have no problem recommending you different things. I was pretty popular at uni for it."

Joshua found himself laughing this time, half at the situation, half how ridiculous that it was that he found the whole thing quite cute. "Are you really the same guy who needed comforting for being horny a few hours ago?"

"Shut up!" Henry immediately went red in the face, a scowl on his face. The young man did not appreciate the embarrassing reminder. "My brain wasn't really working at that point. Besides, you weren't much better. If cold showers were all you needed, why didn't you already do that?"

The older man had been caught out there, his face going a little sheepish. "Well, no, I was not in any better a state. I was too far gone to really think past the frustration." If only his mind had been clear enough to think of that, but that would have been too easy.

"Ah, wait. So, this time you were clearly satisfied. What was different?" Henry paused, perhaps this was getting a little too personal now. "I mean, you don't need to answer if you do-,"

"It was pretty much entirely different." Joshua did not let Henry finish with his backtracking. "Firstly, I've never wanted to have sex that badly before, probably ever, not without someone else there. Plus I had the sex scene from one of my favourite novels on repeat in my head. Reading it earlier only added fuel to the fire."

"Wait, you've got some pretty racy stories in your collection, you can tell just from some of the covers." Henry had a proper look while waiting for Joshua to pack his bags before he started staying over. It was not just a couple, but perhaps a little over half of the romance novels, and Joshua possessed a lot of romance novels. "Do never get horny reading those sex scenes?"

"I… um…," Joshua was not sure how to say it, feeling his face go hot. "I don't really, um, read smut scenes."

"Ever?!"

"Not before last night."

Henry found this equally as shocking, if not more, than finding out Joshua did not masturbate. The older man's bookshelf harboured a not-so-small collection of soft-core porn… and he read these stories for plot… he skipped sex scenes…? Henry's brain felt like it might burst from how nonsensical the whole thing was.

Shaking his head, Henry decided there was no point in dwelling on it. "Well then, my first bit of advice is maybe read the sex scenes you have in your bookshelf. You have plenty of jerk-off material right there."

"I think perhaps you are in the wrong career. Rather than your family business, why don't you just become a sex therapist. You seem very passionate on the topic."

Henry knew this was just the other man teasing him, but his face immediately went red with embarrassment. "The day you quit your job in finance and become a full-time wedding planner, I'll think about it."

They sat there, holding a playful glare as the embarrassed expressions slowly melted into amusement. Henry struggled to keep a smile off his face, which only made Joshua press his own lips tightly shut to not let out a sound. Eventually the glare was forgotten, the two men sharing a look before falling back into laughter.

It had been an undeniably mad night for the both of them.

…and an undeniably important one in terms of their relationship… as friends of course…