Chapter 21

"By the way, how far away is it?" I looked away at the window to the sun sitting high in the sky.

"Well, the ball hall is not too far away… We're going early to prepare things, though. Did you massage and take care of your legs? We'll be standing around and moving a lot."

"I'll be fine," I looked at her. I raised my hand up to her cheek. She took my hand and cupped her face with it while caressing it with a finger.

I drew circles around her cheek with my thumb. "You're not dieting anymore after this, right?"

Still settled on my palm, she shook her head. "No."

I nodded.

"You don't have to be so bothered about it… It's something people do often and the way I do it is not unhealthy."

With a helpless face, I replied, "I understand… I guess I just feel a little iffy about it."

I felt her facial muscles on my palm turn into a smile. Still holding my arm, she tapped it with light touches. "It's not like I'm starving. I'm just eating less calorie-dense foods but I'm still eating good food."

I smiled, "Yeah… I guess I just attribute dieting to eating dry and terrible tasting food."

"I eat well. I'll show you good recipes."

"Are you saying I need to diet?"

She smiled, "Are you going to keep training basketball six days a week in the future?"

I smiled, "I'll still be lifting, though."

"Then even more reason to learn diet recipes. Just get lean and ripped. I like abs."

I chuckled, "You're getting awfully honest now. You like abs?"

She grinned and nodded, "I only started liking abs when you let me feel yours."

I looked at the rearview mirror in panic to see Alfred's face. He looked up and I shook my head, denying Alice's claims.

He sighed and shook his head with disappointment. "Hehe," I heard a giggle to my side.

Sensing defeat, I turned my attention back to Alice.

"...That day you really gave me a scare."

"What? You don't like crazy?"

My eye twitched, "I don't think anyone would like having their life threatened…"

"Hmm… Whateverrr~ Anyway, just keep your abs," she said eagerly and dropped her head onto my lap.

Without thinking about it, my hands looked to scratch and caress her hair. Her hands reached up and poked my chest.

I tickled her scalp as she looked up at me.

She poked me in different areas while smiling at me.

"By the way, won't your hair get ruined?" I paused my hands at the realization.

She pouted, "Doesn't matter. I'll get it prepared over there again anyway."

I began squeezing her cheeks and moving her face around.

She made cute noises of protest and slapped my hands away.

…

…

…

Ivan sucked air in at the sudden slap and began caressing his own hands.

Oh, that sounded loud and painful.

I sat up in panic, "I'm so sorry," my eyes were wide.

"Ahh… that hurts,"

I quickly grabbed his hands. "Let me see," I said with regret flowing out of me.

What did I do?

He sucked air in again and shook his hands.

"I'm sorry,"

"Ahh…"

"Does it hurt? I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" I held his hands tightly and explored them for any sign of injury.

"Ivan, talk to me. I'm sorry. I'm…" I felt feelings of distress rising.

Anguished, I felt a tightness in my chest waving out of my heart into my entire body. My throat squeezed and my chin ached.

With feelings of despair rising I stared at his hand.

Suddenly those hands moved to my shoulders and my gaze followed them absentmindedly. They went back and forth, infinitely slowly, but just as quickly. Lightheadedness wrapped around my head and I heard Ivan's voice calling my name.

"Alice!"

"Alice!"

My eyes shook and I looked back up at his eyes full of concern.

"Alice, what's wrong?"

"Ah…" I mouthed and looked around me.

"Alice…"

My gaze immediately returned back to his eyes and in his reflection, I could see myself shaking with a lost expression.

"What… just happened?"

"I was pretending to be hurt… And then… I don't know?" he wrapped me in a profound hug.

"That's bullshit."

"..." he looked at me with confusion.

"No, not you… but that was bullshit."

"Yeah… that was strange."

"This reeks of novel type development. I could literally hear the words: 'the plot thickens.'"

I regained mental clarity, though my heart was still irrationally pounding.

He tilted his head more in confusion, not getting my book fanatic references.

"Ah, that was so shitty. Shitty last book where the author doesn't know how to end the book properly types of shitty."

I patted my chest attempting to calm my raging heart.

What the fuck just happened?

That was extremely out of character for me…

He tried not to seem confused and nodded his head, wholeheartedly agreeing with me.

His cute puzzled eyes did not fool me.

"So what. I'm gonna cry out of fucken' nowhere from now on?" My mouth's filter opened and let the sailor in me out.

"Uh, hopefully not," he added, trying to placate me. My raging emotions made me a little louder and my mouth looser.

Conscious of Alfred's presence, I whispered to Ivan's ear. "Y'know…" I said with a delusion of fantasy, my emotions not having calmed down yet. "There has to be some motherfucker out there messing with us," he held my hand tightly. "All this shit that's happening… Going back in…"

How weird and strange must we look to Alfred? We're having a good conversation, and flirting and acting all cute, and then I suddenly start losing my shit all in the span of a few minutes?

I felt arms wrap around me and a warm hand running through my hair, sending shivers down my spine.

His fingers moved strands of my hair aside and massaged my scalp, giving way to an itch I never knew was there.

His scratches calmed the itches in my scalp quickly and his fingers moved to rub my temples… then my eyebrows… then my nose… then my neck.

His movements were gentle but with intention. All strength gave out and I collapsed into his embrace.

Ah, I'm feeling so shameful now…

I covered my face with my hands… the feeling of my face was boiling hot and tender to feel.

"It's okay," his gentle voice comforted me.

I felt a slight tingle in my knee from hearing his gravelly voice and almost kicked my leg. My shoulders tensed and shrugged at his breath tickling my ears.

"Ivan," my voice squeaked.

"Yes?"

"Stop."

"Hmm?" my heart beat faster.

"Stop that."

He tightened his arms. "What do you mean?" he looked at me confused but I could see the playful sparkle in his eyes.

"Shut up…" I dug my head into his chest. After a long silence, I spoke up again. "Anyway, that was bullshit."

"...Yeah. That was bullshit."

"I felt really bad about slapping you… I'm sorry, by the way."

He sighed and drew circles on my arms. "It didn't hurt. I'm really sorry about what I did… I don't know what happened to make you feel like that."

I looked up at the rearview but Alfred pretended not to see anything.

My face began heating up again; hopefully, Alfred minded his own business…

"It wasn't your fault. I didn't even think I'd react like that myself.

"...Yeah… by the way, if I ever do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, then tell me," he whispered.

Agreeing, I nodded, "Same to you…"

We both tacitly understood that we'd talk about this more once we were in a more private space and not worrying about an immediate event.

I looked at the window, watching the urban infrastructure pass by.

I hate irrationality.

I hate not being in control.

Freaking out like this is not at all like me.

What's going on?