The faults in our stars: Alone

....

"The night is here again, everyone is happy, everyone is at peace, everyone except me...

.....

All would be save, but I?, I'll die yet again, for the second time...

.....

I could feel my legs failing me as I kept on staggering like the mad person that I am, but still that didn't changed my pathetic luck, it never fucking did.

My legs kept on making the situation a whole lot shitty, it kept on threatening to fall, as I kept on watching my slender shadow walk lifelessly through the lonely roads..

"Few blocks away, just few blocks away" That was all I could utter, as I could practically feel my damn self breathing in and out, like the sweaty scum that I am...

It was just me and the lonely moon, yet it was so dark, my heart was, Everything felled apart.

I never did knew it could be possible to watch your whole life crashing before your very eyes, yet that was exactly what happened to me....

It felled apart and all I did was watch it as it felled...

"I mean what I said earlier, trust me when I say she would die" His words rang into my soul, his words fucking kept on hunting me, but there was nothing I could do about it...

After all, I should have knew this was bound to happen, never would I fall into this shit, yet I ignored and just sat back on my ass as it eventually came true...

"Why" That was all I could whisper, as my heart kept flushing in with nothing but regrets...

This was what I had always avoided, yet I let it happen to me....

My mind kept on clouding me with shitty thought that kept on adding to my misery, it kept on making things worst and all I felt was plunging it out, all I wanted was peace, but no I was running mad...

Slowly I could feel my legs finally arriving at my house, even though I never did remember how I actually walked all the way here, still I was glad I came...

My eyes kept on dripping tears, but I knew I needed to be strong, I can't let that godforsaken lunatic do anything to hurt her, I won't sit back and watch it happen, I just wouldn't...

Quickly, I could feel my hands raising up, as I immediately wiped all the useless tears away, as I let out a deep breath, before swiftly opening the door handle, only to see...

.......

"Where the damn earth have you been?" Her voice echoed out, as her face flickered nothing but worry and concern, as I could feel my eyes swelling up with tears yet again, but this time, I dare not spill any...

"Come here" I whispered, as I brought her to myself, as I could feel my hands wrapping round her with all the pain in me...

I don't want to do this, I don't want to let my fucking emotions take control of me, I don't want to make her worry, I don't want to make her see am weak, but no, even if I tried, my soul wasn't ever going to agree with me on this...

The mere thought of losing her, gave me goosebumps, it gave me fear, it hunts me, I don't want to let it happen...

I've already lost so much in life already, I have lost the meaning of existence, I have lost my mother... I can't lose her now to that damn son of a bitch, I just can't...

"Are you Alright?" Her gentle voice called out, it was only then did I actually realize I was still hugging her...

No!, I just can't be acting like this now, I cautioned myself, as I slowly let her out of my embrace, before staring into her eyes, as my face forces a smile out...

"Oh look at you" I said, as I stared into her confused eyes, with the smile still plastered right on my miserable face...

"Quit all the dumb emotion stuff, am perfectly fine" I whispered out, letting out a little chuckle, as I tried waving all the damn nightmares away, but it just couldn't leave me, it just couldn't fucking let me be....

"Are..are you sure?" She questioned, as a little frown slowly creeped up on my face, as I kept on staring at her eyes that just kept on doubting me, that just kept on making me want to pass out..

"How many damn times are you gonna ask the same question, for goodness sake...Am Alright!, Am Alright!, how many fucking times do you want me to say it. Tell me?, how many?"

I practically screamed out, as I kept on losing it, not because I wanted to, but because my mind was practically going insane, as I kept on staring into her eyes, before letting out a deep sigh, as I slowly looked away from her.....

"I know you're worried and all, but trust me am fine" I whispered, but it was loud enough to hear, as I kept on trying to convince her and also...Myself!....

"You're acting strangely and I can't help but to feel concerned, I mean it just that....

"Am really so very much tired, If you really don't mind I want to leave now" I cut her off, as I let her eyes meet mine, before letting out a little smile...

"I need to sleep now" I whispered, watching her slowly nodded her head, but still the concern was written all over her face, but I just couldn't do anything about it either...

"Get some sleep as well" I whispered again to her, but I guess she didn't hear, as I kept on slowly moving away from her, lifting my shaky legs up the stairs to my room, only to completely vanish away into thin air the second after...

Slowly I could feel my shaky hands locking the room door shut, as I could feel it flowing down my cheeks...

It was there yet again, Oh God, not again...