The Calm

Shadow's POV

I stand looking out into the forest. "First watch is over. Go relieve Monroe on the south wall" Bellamy ordered a guard. I kept staring out into the forest, waiting for a Grounder to show. "Anything?" Bellamy asked as he walked to my side. I shake my head, letting out a sigh. "It's been two days, maybe the bomb at the bridge scared them off?" I suggested. Bellamy arched a brow "You believe that?" He asked me. I thought for a second before shaking my head. "No, they're coming," I say to him. "Jasper thinks he can cook up more gun powder," Bellamy says, beginning to walk off. I followed behind him "He gets sulfur and Raven says she can turn that into landlines" Bellamy explained. "So...uh be careful where you step" he jokes with a smile, almost running into a tree. "Funny..." I nudge him with my elbow. "What I really need is 1,000 more of her tin can bombs so I can roll it into their village and blow those Grounders to hell" he explained. His words stopped me cold, causing me to knit my brows together. "That's what they want to do to us" he pointed out. I sighed "I can't believe we survived for 100 years just so we could slaughter each other," I say. There's a long pause before Bellamy spoke "Any word from the Ark?" He asked me. "Clarke and Raven say it's still radio silence" I explained to him. "Finally ran out of air..." he suggested. Silence took over again, Bellamy knowing I agreed with him. "No ones coming down to save us, right?" I asked, turning to Bellamy. He glanced at me with a sad expression on his face. "You talk to your sister yet?" He asked me. "No...Not yet" I informed him. "Shadow, you need to tell her-" I cut him off. "Bellamy! Enough! Okay? I'll tell her when I'm ready" I snapped a little. "Before or after the war?" He questioned. "Look! I'm just not ready to ruin my sister's image of our parents okay!?" I shouted. "So I would appreciate it if you would just stay out of it" I added with a snap-in my tone. Bellamy seems taken back by my attitude. "You know what actually? I have a lot better idea" Bellamy says. "Why don't we just stay clear from each other from now on?" He asked anger in his tone. "Fine! Whatever!" I hissed, storming off. I walked into Raven's tent and let out a groan. "You need help?" I asked, not letting her answer as I sit next to her and begin making one bullet into two. "Sure..." Raven says. I work in silence for a little before Raven spoke. "Is something wrong?" She asked me, turning to me for a moment. I sighed "It's...Bellamy" I shake my head. Raven smiled "Ah, here I thought you two had feelings for one another" she teased. "I certainly have some type of feelings I'd like to vent out on these bullets" I stated. She knit her brows together "What's wrong?" She asked. I shake my head again "I don't know, One minute he's this soft and sweet guy the next he's talking about killing people in cold blood" I stated. She snorted out a laugh "Yeah but...I mean that's Bellamy" she pointed out. I knew that "Come on, what's really bothering you?" Raven asked. I sigh "I have this Secret...only Bellamy knows about it, but this secret could hurt a lot of people and I'm not ready to tell them" I explained to Raven. "And Bellamy keeps what?" She asked. "He keeps asking me about it when I'm gonna tell them and I honestly don't want to even think about it myself" I explained. "It's because he cares" Raven pointed out. "Don't you like Bellamy?" She asked me, knitting her brows together. "I mean, not a first...when I met him I punched him in the nose" I informed her. She threw her head back "You didn't!" She laughed. I nodded "Yeah, I did" I informed her. "Damn! I would pay to see that" she giggled. "But over time I started to develop feelings for him, it's not easy either," I say. "I don't know, on the Ark...being locked up for four years I built so many walls up, I thought I couldn't trust anyone" I explained to Raven. "Then here came Bellamy riding in on his white horse to save us all" I softly laugh. "I don't know...I'm so scared to get hurt, to let anyone in again" I informed her. "After my parents died, I felt like I was alone...down here Bellamy made it feel like I'm not" I explained. Raven was quiet for a long time before speaking. "Did you and Bellamy..." Raven arched a brow. I gasped, standing up "No! Absolutely not," I say my face feeling warm just thinking about the time we almost did. "So you're still a virgin?" Raven asked me. My eyes went wide "Who told you?" I asked her. She smirked "Izzy, while we were in the Ark," she says. My heart pounded in my chest "I'm so gonna kill her" I huffed, biting the inside of my cheek. Raven laughed. "You're cruel, I'm leaving" I playfully shoved her a little before I leave the tent. "Fire!" I hear someone call out. I rushed over to see the smokehouse up in flames. I see Bellamy helping Octavia as I approached. Murphy lifted his head and glared at Jason. "This is all your fault, We told you it was too much wood!" Murphy screamed, rushing at Jason. "Get the hell away from me!" Jason shouted before Murphy punched him in the face. "Knock it off!" I try pulling them apart when Jason swung, hitting me in the cheek. "Fuck!" I shoved Murphy back a little. "Hey!" Bellamy screamed at them both. "Save it for the Grounders!" Bellamy shouted. "Well, now are what are we gonna do?"Octavia asked. "That was all of our food!" Octavia screamed at her brother. Clarke and I glanced at one another before I sighed, shaking my head.

"So what happened?" I asked as I walked up to Clarke and Bellamy. "Murphy says that Jason kept feeding the fire, mostly because Octavia told him it was a bad idea" Bellamy explained, not looking at me. "And we believe Murphy?" Clarke asked. "I do yeah" Bellamy nodded. "We have wild onions and nuts in the dropship but it's only enough to last us maybe one or two weeks," I say, looking at Clarke. "What's left here?" I then asked, placing my hand on my hip. "Nothing, it's all burnt" Bellamy answered. "We have to hunt" Clarke stated. "Anyone we can spare goes out" she added. "With the whole Grounder army out there?" I asked Clarke. "Look, we can't defend ourselves if we're starving" she pointed out. We got people together "Each group takes someone with a gun" Bellamy announced as people entered and exited the dropship. "They're for killing Grounders! Not food!" I reminded them. "She's right! We don't have ammo, so use spears for hunting" Bellamy ordered. "Everyone back by nightfall!" He then ordered. "Hey..." I grabbed Bellamy's hand but he quickly jerked away. "Bellamy...come on, I just wanted to apologize," I say to him. "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that, I know you're only trying to help...you care and—" he cut me off. "No, so what you want Shadow because I could care less," he says with a harsh tone. My heartfelt like he stuck me with that spear in his hands. "What?" I asked him. Bellamy shifted uncomfortably "What did you think this was? We aren't together" he informed me. "No...I didn't think..." I sighed, not able to look at him now. "I could never be with someone like you Shadow" he hissed at me. Now, that hurt. "Someone like me?" I asked. "What does that mean?" I asked him. He opened his mouth "You know what, forget it..." I scoffed, shaking my head. "Doe...wait!" Bellamy tried to call out but I grabbed a gun and spear before walking out of the dropship.

It's nighttime and I had hunted by myself before heading back to the campsite. I set two huge boars down and let out a huff. "Now that's what I'm talking about!" My sister giggled as she walked over to me. Raven comes out of the dropship "The hunters are back?" She asked walking up to me. "Yeah" I smiled. "Is Finn with them?" She asked. I shrugged "I wasn't with them" I stated. I walked over to the table with Murphy "I don't think so" he answered her. "Hey, relax I'm sure Clarke's keeping him out of trouble" Murphy joked. Raven walked away and I playfully shove Murphy "That's was so it funny!" I snorted out a laugh. He chuckled "Oh come on! It was so funny" he then laughed as she gutted the fish. "Ew, that's gross" I scrunch my nose a little. "It's just good Shadow" Murphy smiled as rolled my eyes. There's a moment of silence between us. "I'm surprised you aren't with Bellamy" he stated. I knit my brows together "Why would I be with Bellamy?" I asked him. "Come on? I know I've lost a few cells growing up but I can clearly see you have feelings for him" Murphy pointed out. "Do not" I huffed. He stared at me for a moment "Really? Then why is your face all red?" He teased. "Be-because! You are annoying" I lied. He chuckled "Liar" he accused. "Okay...fine" I hissed through my teeth. "I have feelings for Bellamy, but it doesn't matter now because he hates me" I pointed out. Bellamy laugh louder than I was expecting "Who told you that?" He asked. I shake my head "Nobody...Bellamy and I got into it about something and then he said he didn't care about me so...I don't care about him" I simply say. He put down the knife, turning to me and grabbing me by the shoulders. "I'm gonna give you some Secret information, guys lie" he shakes me a little. "Come on, just go talk to him and tell him how you feel" he smiled. I laughed, tilting my head up to look at him. "Who are you and what have you done with Murphy?" I asked with a smile. "Go, talk to him..." Murphy chuckled. "Fine...I'll go" I laughed, walking away from him. I walked towards Bellamy's tent. "Hey Bellamy, can we talk?" I asked, opening the flap. I'm stopped to a halt as my heart breaks. Anger hurt, and embarrassment fills my entire body. "Shit.." he whispered. "You've got to be kidding me...." I spit out like venom. Raven shot up, grabbing her clothes and throwing them on as I began to walk out away. "Shadow!Wait!" Raven called out. She caught up with me, grabbing me by the arm and spinning me around. My hand came across her face hard, echoing through the air. She stumbled back, surprised and hurt. "What the hell Doe!" Izzy yelled at me but ignored her. "You bitch..." I hissed through my teeth. "You knew! I told..." I paused, tears forming at my waterline as I felt the sting of betrayal. I shake my head as Bellamy comes rushing out of his tent. "Shadow...come with me," Bellamy says. "No!" I shouted at him. "I cannot believe you would do this!" I shouted at Raven. "Doe, please?" Bellamy pleaded. Tears rolled down my cheeks but Raven didn't say anything. "No..." I wiped my tears away, shoving my pain down deep. "I'm done..." I sighed. "I'm so done...." I shake my head. "I hope you are happy...because you two deserve each other" I hissed out, walking towards the dropship. Izzy followed me inside "Shadow!" She called out as I got to the second floor. I felt like I couldn't breathe, my chest hurt. My sister ran over to me, trying to put her arms around me. "Don't touch me!" I screamed at her, trying to fight her off. I shove her away "Doe, stop!" She yelled. I shake my head but she managed to get her arms around me. "No! No!" I screamed, sobbing. "Shh, it's okay...I know how much it hurts..." she whispered. From the beginning, we could feel each other's emotions when we were near one another. So I knew she could feel it. "Get it out..." she whispered.