THREE

I haven't done anything in preparation for my vacation, which is tomorrow. I haven't packed yet, and I still feel a little nervous about traveling alone. Since I haven't found a travel buddy and it doesn't seem like I will, I'll have to go alone until Sarah is available the next time.

The office wasn't going to see me today, but I got emails from Mr. Jefferson, my head supervisor, telling me to submit all my shoot proposals before I leave for summer vacation. He's the only polite one in this place and if he wasn't married, I would've asked him to accompany on me on this trip. I'm not scared to go alone, but Turks and Caicos is nice when you have someone to enjoy it with— every single reviews says that and so did my travel agent.

"You can leave early if you want," I said, directing my speech to Sameer. I wasn't sure what he was doing this summer but he deserved the break. No one has worked this hard with me in my life and I'm very glad to have him. He adds value, diversity and creativity to the unit and that's all the job is about.

Most people think photography is based on editing the pictures and making the clients happy, and while that is a big deal, the main thing is being happy.....being joyful around the camera. I've been to shoots where my clients were extremely miserable and the vibrant personality I brought with behind the camera, uplifted the mood and gave me some snacking good pictures.

When I have a camera in my hand, I know nothing such as fear. There's just me, my clients and making all parties satisfied.

"I know but I'm just hanging around incase anything happens." I rolled my eyes at his sentence and went back to fixing my documents. I loved Sameer like a brother and I hope he knows that.

Thud.

I almost fell out the fucking chair when Rowan dropped the envelope filled with papers on my desk. One minute I'm typing a document, the next I'm almost on my death bed because of Rowan James.

"Are you fucking crazy?" I whispered aggressively. "Why would you be compelled to drop an envelope on my desk?"

He better have a damn good excuse and what I know will piss me off even more, is that he won't have one. That's what he does. Annoy me. I'm sure they're paying him to annoy me because I can't fathom a reason why a man who hates me as much as I hate him, never leaves me the fuck alone.

"I'm not crazy," he said flatly, and took a seat at my desk. "It's an envelope for you and also, what time are we leaving for our trip tomorrow?"

I'm sorry what? Who is we...?

I gave him a very confused, serious expression, and he laughed at me. I'm not sure who caused this pest to laugh, but he finds this funny. It's been four years, and I still can't get a break.

"There is no we," I strongly stated, "There's no our trip. You're not coming, we don't even like each other and we're not friends," I reminded him but he seemed unfazed by my words.

"Did you find someone else to go with you?"

"No, I'm going by myself." My tone was prideful. Normally when I do this, he leaves but he's only getting more and more comfortable. He even started reading a magazine. A fucking magazine.

He laughed. "Which country or island are we going to visit?"

"There is no we," I corrected him, "And I will be wandering the island of Turks and Caicos by myself."

I placed extra emphasis on the myself and stared right back at him.

"Why don't you want to take me on the trip? I won't even be a bother to you." The biggest question should be why does he want to come with me so badly. Can't he just book a trip himself and leave me alone?

We spent the next ten minutes with him asking me about the trip and me, telling him that he's not coming on the trip. I never knew it would be that hard to get rid of a person who doesn't even like me.

"I'm not easy to-"

"My goodness," I shouted and slammed my palms on the desk top. Sameer looked around in shock but I told him I'm fine. "If I say yes, will you stop pestering me and leave me alone for the day?" I'm going to regret this in the morning but I cannot keep hearing the same sentence or my ears will start to bleed.

A big smile crept up on his face and he leapt to his feet. "Definitely. So what's the flight plan and everything?"

Dear God, please give me the sanity to get through this trip and have a good summer. I'm doing it for my mom. Please. Amen.

I had to say a quick prayer before I uttered a next word to him.

"We're leaving tomorrow at 12 pm. Meet me at the airport by 10 am please. Pack vacation clothes, bring money if you want, bring necessities. Just pack like how you'd pack if you were going on vacation by yourself or with your girlfriend or whatever. I'll email you the flight plan and itinerary for the trip," I told him and he started writing this down in his notes app. Such a weirdo.

"I'm single."

"Whatever, just check your email in fifteen minutes."

"See you tomorrow!" He explained and flashed a devilishly big smile at me. He doesn't even know how much I want to murder him. I might even get the chance to do so on this trip.

I rolled my eyes in response and continued working. The sooner I finish this, the sooner I can leave this place. I can't believe I agreed to take him on the trip, but he is so unbearably annoying that I would say anything to make him stop speaking.

**********

The clock struck four o' clock pm and I submitted the three hundred and fifty proposals he asked me to. There were alot more, but those exceed the six month grace period and therefore they'd be invalid.

Putting work aside, I'm hungry, exhausted, and I haven't even started packing or writing the letter to my mom. She won't ever see it, but I want to think that everything I write and say to her gets through to her. These travels without her are quite difficult for me, but I just have to keep in mind that they are all for her, and that is enough to keep me sane.

"You're still here! Great," he said and took a seat. Does he not see my purse in my hand and the fact that I'm all packed to leave?

I released a loud groan. "You're never this annoying, why are you annoying me today?"

He pressed his lips together but made no sounds. I'd be here longer than I anticipated.

"Did you eat today?" He asked while fidgeting with my pens.

"Why do you care?" I questioned while holding the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger.

He laughed and gave me a menacing look. I never realized this dude was so persistent. Was he actually going to wait until I responded to his question? I wonder if he's showing me some sort of appreciation for letting him come along on the vacation. However, I didn't really have much of a choice. This choice was incredibly compelled by his annoying nature.

"Do you think I'm a robot or something? I normally see you eat, our offices are close in proximity and I didn't see it today, so I'm curious," he said with a blunt tone and a shrug. Was I suppose to know that he's watching me? And why did it feel comforting to know? My God, I'm losing my mind.

"No, I didn't eat and I'd love to leave here, so I can eat and pack," I told. "So if you'll excuse me, I'll be going." I started ushering him out of the office, so I could close my door. Who would've thought it'd be this hard to keep him away from me?

He pulled to a stop in the middle of the hallway and grabbed the envelopes out of my hands. He spoke before I had even opened my mouth. "I'm just trying to prevent you from falling over and dropping everything in your hands," he said. I just continued moving along. It's better than ever saying thank you to him.

We got to my car and he put the things on the back seat. One would think he'd just leave but nope, he stood there. I'm about to lose my fucking mind. "Are you ok? I'm convinced you're obsessed with me," I jokingly said. He hated me as much as I did him and he's only doing this to annoy me. "Does it turn you on to annoy me? That's sadistic you know right?"

He rolled his eyes at me, giving me this strong annoyed expression. Oh, now he's the annoyed one? "Maybe I just like you. Have you ever thought about that?"

I laughed knowing there's no way he's serious. "I'll see you tomorrow Rowan." I entered my car and drove off. He still stood in the same spot but that had nothing to do with me, I had things to do.

The ride back to my place was refreshing. My ears could catch all the freedom and most importantly, there no Rowan in my midst. I could finally be at peace.

Sarah had messaged me earlier saying something about a baby she was delivering. I found it hard to pay attention especially because Rowan spent the day annoying me. I'd call her for sure, but I needed to pack my things first.

Happiness shirked over me as I finally got to go on vacation. I can just imagine how beautiful it is in the Caribbean and a month there is heaven. Actual Heaven. My mother loved the Caribbean. In her youth, she travelled like it was nothing and brought postcards from all her escapades. As a child, it was always fun having my mother go on trips because I'd get to tag along all the time. Kids at school were always jealous about my frequent travels and some called me a "show-off" but I didn't care. If I could go back in time spend eternity with my mother, I would.

I grabbed my medium sized suitcase and started putting the clothes I had folded inside. There were some dresses, rompers, shorts, bathing suit sets, makeup, glasses and other important accessories. I've gained weight over the past few years, so I'm not all skin and bones as I was before. This was bad because shopping for jeans was hard but it also made my clothes fit better. I looks fucking great in a bikini now compared to back them.

SHEIN and PLT bags filled my living room. All my vacation clothes were from those two stores. I started ordering from a month back especially because I know how long the shipping takes.

"Heels or no heels," I asked myself. Realistically, I don't think I'd wear the heels but I never know if I'll need them and as much as I have the money, I don't want to be spending unnecessarily.

Fuck it, I packed two pairs of heels, added my slippers and closed my suitcase. Everything else like my important travel and health documents, were in the backpack as well as the other carry on items I needed.

The next thing I needed to do was write the letter to my mom. I find this as a very important thing to me. Many found it trivial but I couldn't. It's too important to me. Her room still stayed intact at the apartment. I didn't have her things creepily laying around, but the sheets and paint colour remained the same. Whenever I had a stressful day or felt any strong emotions, I just sat on the bed allowing her presence to keep me calm.

Dear Mom:

It's been a while since you've died and trust me, I miss you everyday. I'm not sure why I write these all the time, but there's a part of me that hopes you're over my shoulder reading them. I leave for Turks and Caicos tomorrow morning and I'm so excited. Everything's packed plus I ordered new pieces from SHEIN and PLT. They're really cute and I wish you were here to see them but unfortunately you're not. I got a red dress because it's a tradition for us to always wear something red on vacation. Sar was to come with me, but unfortunately her mom's dying so she has to go be with her. The only downside to not having her on the trip, is I have to take someone else and I reluctantly chose Rowan James. You of all people, know how much of a nuisance he is to me. He annoyed me until I said yes and I fear it's too late to change the plan since I contacted the agent and everything already. He's being more annoying than usual and I don't know how I'll be handling the next few weeks but I'm going to do it. There's not much else to tell you since I wrote the last time. I love you mom and I miss you every single day.

Until we meet again. xx

Jasmine<3

"Until we meet again," I reiterated and walked out her room.

**********

My phone pinged as I got in bed. It's a message from Sarah. I was just about to settle in and calm her, but I guess a text will have to suffice for now. That burrito I ordered from my favourite food place around the corner slapped especially because it was so hot.

BFF: Hello! Are you asleep?

Me: Hey and no, just got into bed. I was going to call you but you texted.

BFF: We'll call tomorrow but I'm pregnant again.

Me: WOW! What did he say? How do you feel about it? How does Jane feel?

BFF: Sigh....

BFF: He's happy because he wanted a baby and so did I but Jane's spiraling. She's going on and on about not wanting a sibling and when Mikkel tried talking to her, she told him that he's not her real dad so he should leave her alone. She's with my mom and dad now though.

Uh oh. Poor Jane.

Me: Firstly, congratulations to you and your husband. Give Jane time Sar. She's been through way too much for just being seven years old.

BFF: Wym?

Me: She was born with you and her dad being young, that's the first thing and always moving from place to place. When she was six, her father died and that affected her a lot more than you'd think. She's grieving. You met Mikkel and got married shortly after, so that was just shoved into her face. Then less than a year later, you're shoving the fact that she won't be an only child in her face again. She's probably thinking that she won't get any attention from you and she rarely does get any, if we're being honest. 

It's always hard talking about this topic with Sarah and only now, I'm glad we're texting and not on the phone. Jane has been through the motions and it wasn't like she had an awful dad. Jason loved everything about his child. He worshiped the ground she walked on and would put his life on the line to make sure Jane was good. He worked three jobs to get Jane whatever she wanted as a child and trust me, losing Jason was hard on everyone. I'm not a fan of Mikkel but he keeps my bestfriend happy, so I can't complain.

BFF: Jas🙁 and I do show her attention... don't say that.

Me: No. you've made her your parents problem since Jason died. And kids are observant. I get it's hard to deal with a child who's grieving but she hasn't gotten much help with it. I've talked to her and tried but at the end of the day, it's not equivalent to the help she'd get from you and I've told you this many times. I know you're also going through alot with your mom and her euthanasia this weekend but you have to remember you're also a mother.

This just keeps getting sadder and sadder.

BFF: Yes 😔. I'll talk to Jane because I'm going down tomorrow. I don't want to make her feel like I'm pushing a new life in her face. I thought she liked Mikkel.

Me: That's NOT the point but it's your child. Do whatever you need to do. But when Jane grows up to dislike you, don't say I didn't warn you. I'm going to bed.

BFF: Jas... don't go.

It made no sense to respond to her. If she mentioned Mikkel one more time, I'd lose my damn mind. I don't think she understands what it's like in the mind of Jane and I doubt she tries to understand. I've got other problems to worry about right now, but I just hope Jane will be good. I love my best friend but sometimes she acts like Mikkel is the only thing is her world and she neglects Jane a lot because of it.