Unlucky

Song recommendation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAxCqlU-OAo&list=PLcHRQsBCTIkc58QSni0_BTOMUaRfZs-az&index=5

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"If I say jump, you say?"

"How high,"

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Lily, or lee as the neighbourhood boys used to call her, did not believe she was a particularly pretty girl. She had plain dark brown eyes that other's might have called lifeless, though she thought they were rather satisfying in their emptiness. The dark hair she had dyed in her early twenties was streaked with dark roots, but she had grown indifferent to fixing them. She had a somewhat boyish frame, solid-looking though curvacious in place, it was mostly muscle. With all these features in mind, it occurred to Lee with a particular inevitably that she was not pretty, nor ugly. She was average. Not only in looks but by her estimation intelligence as well. So why then was her fortune so incomprehensible?

They say those born with good features, above-average intelligence and wealth are offset by misfortune in their everyday lives. Was there some exception to the rule in her case? She was not beautiful, nor did she have outstanding intelligence. As for money, Lee had no money. Or perhaps it would be better to say, she was past the point of merely having no money. She was severely in debt.

Her mother's funeral had come and gone less than a month ago. In the time between that day, she had received the so-called 'family debt' - A family debt passed from mother to child if such a thing was legal. Though Lee knew it wasn't, it didn't matter. The money came from a world without law. How her mother had obtained such dirty money was a mystery. Nevertheless, it was a debt that had to be paid. One way or another. Lee supposed she might have refused and they would have simply killed her, only then the debt would have fallen to her brother, Nathan.

Nathan was the opposite of Lee. Since they were children, he had been full of life and aspiration. Now his dreams were just on the verge of becoming a reality. He had been scouted for an idol group and was caught in the world so far from Lee's it might have been the difference between heaven and earth. It was Lee's utter indifference to her own life which had convinced her to take on the debt in full. She had no prospects, nor dreams of any kind. If anything, working to pay the debt that allowed her brother to blossom, and that gave her life meaning rather than the reverse.

So she worked. At nights, she played cashier at a convenience store. The desolate and lonely nights would filter from one day to another almost seamlessly. By the time it grew light, she would be back in her bed sleeping. Only to rise in the afternoon, work for a few hours at a restaurant then return to the convenience store again at night. It was somewhere in the midst of this endless cycle, Lee began to think of the meaning of such an unfortunate life. It was not unfortunate because she had to work. Nor was it unfortunate because she had the family debt to pay. The greatest misfortune of her life, as she believed it was that there weren't more hours in a day. If only she worked faster or harder or longer, then the days might pass quicker. The long stretch of twilight that pervaded over her life was her greatest misfortune. Arriving home before dawn and setting out just as the sun was rising made the world seem like an uncanny stream of consciousness neither here nor there, but always neverending.

On one such dark unsettling winter's night, Lee was manning the convenience store as she always did. It was quiet. There weren't many patrons at 3 am on a cold blisteringly dark night like this. Every now and then, the door would rattle and the bell would be forced to chime with the passing wind. On the other side of the opaque window panes, snow was falling rapidly and the grey city was seeped in black icy sludge which Lee dreaded. The trip home would be unfortunate indeed. Yet, more than usual, there was something particularly mournful about that night. Whether it was the intermittent howling that snuck in through the door or the bitter cold that turned Lee's knuckles white, she couldn't quite put her finger on it. It felt like the end of the night might never come.

There was another rattle and the bell swung against its chamber ringing frantically. Lee looked up with a blank expression. Her wide indifferent dark eyes surveyed the open door. A dark figure entered with difficulty against the sharp wind pushing the door. Suddenly, the door sprung open completely and hit the shelves behind with a slam. Lee surveyed the items that had dropped to the floor with a sigh.

"Welcome to the..." Lee began to rattle off her usual monotone greeting when to her own surprise she stopped.

The bundle of dark clothes and scarf receded at little and she caught sight of a face covered in jet black hair. Before her, there was a man standing under the dull orange light of the convenience store. His dark hair was tousled in an effortlessly stylish way concealing pierced ears. Half his face was momentarily buried under a thick black scarf. He pulled it down slightly and took a breath as if the inside of the shop had provided some respite from the cold. He took a step towards the counter and leaned forward a little with his eyes on the shelves of smokes behind Lee.

"What a terrible beauty," Lee uttered to herself.

"Excuse me?" the man looked down with his severe golden eyes, but his voice held a slight inflexion as if amused.

"Nothing," Lee answered bringing her eyes back to the cashier, "can I help you with anything?" she said, her usual inaffectual tone recovering.

"Pack of Marlboros," he replied in a low voice.

Lee turned to the shelves behind and pulled back the pack of cigarettes. As she lay it on the counter, she stole another glance up at him. The same thought occurred again. What a terrible beauty. A beauty to break hearts. A beauty to steal them. Yet, even to call him beautiful wouldn't be enough. Lee couldn't help but think what a cruel beauty as she found herself again staring at him with some curiosity.

What was it about him? His beauty, charm and charisma seem superficial to describe him. His yellowish eyes held a slight condescending smirk that while concealing his thoughts, seemed to convey an air of self-confidence or was it arrogance? Lee could hardly tell. Maybe it was his darkness. He had a gravity that drew everything towards him. There was a certain magnetism in those cold golden eyes. Even inside a small convenience store, he seemed oddly misplaced. As though he were a creature from another world or a spirit of the night had wandered inside to shelter against the steely cold. Yet despite the laugh in his eyes, they held no warmth. It was the kind of laugh that said I'm laughing at you, not with you.

By some coincidence, he lifted his gaze slightly. His unflinching golden eyes met Lee's gaze. There was no impatience or hesitation. Under his dark hair, his eyes sparkled with a resolute light, almost as if he could read her mind. His gaze was unbreakable. Yet he said nothing and just returned the stare with almost equal curiosity. He was like a painting, perfect in every way. His flawless alabaster skin looked as though it had indeed been painted in a portrait. Almost inhumane in its perfection. Lee couldn't look away. It wasn't love at first sight, nor was it lust. It was like the cannibal draw of nature. Lee considered that the kind of fortune for a beauty such as that must come at great cost. She had a feeling if she looked into his eyes any longer, she might be struck dead.

She briskly handed him the cigarettes and received the money.

"Thank you," she said in her flat rehearsed voice and turned her eyes down to the counter.

He turned slowly as if hesitant then disappeared back out into the falling snow. Lee let out a deep sigh. His departure made her numb inside. It was as if the twilight of her life had taken form and come like death in the night. Why couldn't he have taken her soul along with him? Then maybe she could have had some peace...

Another day and night passed in abject boredom and Lee wondered if she had simply imagined the whole thing. Surely a person couldn't be so beautiful? Maybe the hours passed in mostly solitude and darkness had finally congealed into a burgeoning mental disorder...Before Lee could finish this thought, the bell rattled again. This time it was a little past 2 am. A shroud of dark figures darkened the door. Lee looked up again with the same feeling of inevitably.

"Are you Miss Lily Kim?" came a stern voice.

It was not the smooth laughing voice of the day before. Lee looked up slowly. Her dark eyes fluttered apathetically as she nodded slowly. Without another word, Lee was encircled by a group of men in dark clothes. She was dragged out from behind the counter but made no effort to scream nor fight. She caught sight of their gang tattoos and knew at once who they were. A bald-headed man shoved her out into the raw cold night. She had only her worker's cardigan wrapped about her shoulders and was battered fiercely by the northern wind. The path was sunk under a foot of snow that was black from pollution and marked with tire tracks.

A vehicle was parked up just outside the store. Lee was called inside the car and the door slammed behind her. Her nose tingled with the scent of leather and smoke. The car was a long and expensive make. The bald man took a seat across from her and the engine began to churn. They started driving down the dark and empty city roads. Lee didn't move from the seat nor speak. She sat very still. There was long protracted silence. Thoughts slowly drifted to and fro in Lee's mind. She had known this day would come eventually. Would they kill her?

She had been behind on her payments for a few weeks, had they come to collect already? Her mind started along a track, like a train whose destination was unavoidable. First, she would be tortured..then they would demand their money. Of course, Lee had no money to give. So then they would kill her, probably. There would be no money for her funeral so it would an unmarked grave. Perhaps, her brother would notice in a few months that the money she sent had stopped coming. He might look for her...no, he wouldn't look. He would simply make peace with it. His name had been changed legally for his career so it was unlikely they would be able to find him. It was likely, this debt would die with her. And that fact gave her some satisfaction. Though it occurred to Lee in a curious way, she thought her heart now incapable, how sad it would be to never see an afternoon sun again.

Finally, the car stopped. It was still dark out as Lee was conveyed into the back of what looked like some kind of construction site, though it was hard to tell in the snow and wind. All she knew, when next she had time to look around, she was in a dark concrete structure. It was an unfinished building of some kind on the outskirts of the city. There was scaffolding flapping wildly in the distance. In front of the dark cascading open floor, there was a desk and a few couches. It didn't look to be an active worksite. Lee's first thought was that perhaps it was a hideout of some kind. On the desk, there was a single lamp lighting the whole room and an empty seat behind it. The men stopped short of the seat as if in anticipation for someone, but the chair remained empty.

The bald-headed man that had pushed her into the car shoved through the crowd meeting Lee's gaze. Under the light of the lamp, she could see faintly his face was covered in scars. He glanced at her then looked to the passage beyond.

"Demitri!" he called in the same bellowing tone. It rattled the whole room with its ferocity.

"What?" came a low irritated reply from the shadow of the doorway. A young man appeared. He might have been a little younger than Lee herself in his early 20s. Though his youth was undercut the savageness of his glare as he entered into the room. He stared at the bald-headed man with unmistakable contempt.

"You're fucking late, Vic," he snapped.

Lee realised then that despite his age, this Dimitri, whoever he was was above the others. He ran a hand through his strawberry blonde hair then threw the hand down roughly as he laid eyes on Lee.

"Is this her?"

"Yeah, we found in her..." before Vic could finish, Demitri held up his hand in annoyance.

"Get out," he snarled.

He had the sort of youthful impatience of a rabid dog. Always ready to snap at the slightest agitation and the other men seemed to sense this too. They went straight out leaving him alone with Lee. She was standing somewhat in a state of disarray. Her blonde hair had fallen messily over her dark eyes. They were close to black under the lack of light and held a smothering intensity as she stared at Dimitri. He sniffed almost to dispel himself of those eyes and pulled a hand behind his back. Within a moment, he pulled out a gun and set it on the desk and leant back quietly. He drew a cigarette to his lips and sighed. As he did, the lighter momentarily lit up his fierce green eyes then lapsed again into colourless darkness.

The air filled with a cloud of thick tobacco smoke. It made Lee's eyes water and her throat dry, but it felt like a comforting interlude for what she imagined was to come.

"You know you're late on your payment, miss Lily Kim?" he said with the air of someone who had repeated those words a thousand times, "even with your current wage at the convenient store, the restaurant and the odd jobs you do on the weekend, you're not going to be able to make next weeks payment either?"

He said it as though it was a question, though from his tone Lee knew it was a mere statement of facts. She knew it already.

"Yes," she replied flatly. She supposed she could beg for more time, but if that had been an option she wouldn't have been brought to such a remote place.

"You have no family or friends that can help you pay the next instalment?" he went on again with the inflexion of a question. Yet, Lee got the distinct impression the questions were a formality leading to some already decided upon conclusion.

"No," Lee answered sinking further into her reverie. He mind was already burying her spirit somewhere deep within her chest. It would only be this human shell that would feel the pain, then it would all be over.

"So how will you pay?" Dimitri said finally, reaching what was most likely the question he had meant from the beginning.

Lee's eyes panned up slowly from the grey concrete beneath her feet. She stared at the cold-blooded eyes of the youth before her.

"I can't," she said solemnly.

With this answer, Dimitri flicked the end of his cigarette stub to the ground and picked up the gun. He strolled up to her with a leisure that Lee resented. Why couldn't they just get it over with? Why go through all the farce of making it seem like she had any other options?

He stood towering over, staring down with the same merciless eyes. He inhaled deeply as if bored by the whole act as well. He put the barrel of the gun against Lee's temple. It was cool, even colder than the winter's coldest wind. It felt like it was already searing into her skull. Lee stood rigidly still. Her eyes were fixed down and she swallowed uneasily. Her heart raced but that was normal too. Any moment now. Then the morning sun would finally come...