Twenty two

God or bad, every action gives way to an unlimited number of reactions. It spreads in front of you like a winding path, and each turn you take it will lead somewhere to someone.

It would be extremely convenient if we would be able to see the future. But, the future is predetermined by our actions in the present. What we do now, will ripple across time and eventually will come to bite us in the ass. Sooner or later.

For the first time in a very long time, I was able to sit still, and not fidget in my seat. For the first time, I forgave myself because no one else would.

What I did was misguided by my desire to protect the ones I loved. It wasn't with malicious intentions. I hoped Mason would see that, but he chose to shield himself with blinding anger. He is protecting himself, and that is something I can understand. I'll never be able to forget the moment he gave his last breath in my arms. It is something that will haunt me forever.

Perhaps someday, he will understand. Perhaps...

If marrying Ava is something that he needs to do, then so be it. I cannot stand in his way, and most certainly can't stop him from doing so.

Maybe he was in love with the idea of us or with a girl who no longer existed.

The shy little Lily has stayed behind in the red sands and died. He was right; I had died. Metaphorically speaking, the Lily he knew died.

I didn't know who I was yet or where I belonged, but I had some time to figure it out. I was in no rush. Not anymore.

When my parents died, things changed so fast, and all began happening at once, that I found myself swept away in the tide of events, unable to completely grasp the severity of the situation I was truly in.

There is only so much one could take.

There is so much one can process without losing oneself.

Unfortunately, we are limited, and even though we like to believe we are invincible, and unbreakable, sadly we are not either of those things.

The body may heal easily but once the mind begins to fracture, it takes an incredible amount of effort to mend the damage.

I'm not fragile, but I also know that I'm not unbreakable.

I'm not perfect either, and that is something I've learned to accept, because whether I like it or not, I have made mistakes, but I find that being broken isn't the worst thing in the world.

Perhaps, I'm broken in all the right ways and I just need to find how to fit all those jagged pieces back together.

We are, after all, nothing but sharp edges, with echoes of our once whole selves.

Sad but true.