A Shadow of Doubt(Part I)

The morning sky is overcast as Cathy struggles to drag herself out of bed. It's been two days since Nathan disappeared and it feels like a week. Everything still feels so bitterly surreal for her, like she's having a nightmare.

She reaches over to the dresser where the letter lays. She reads the letter once more, hoping that everything that happened the day before was nothing but a nightmare, a nightmare that she just awoke from. But it is a nightmare. It is a nightmare that she is living and cannot wake up from.

Deep down still, Cathy feels that Nathan is in trouble. Fresh morning tears roll down her cheeks and she feels like a fool, a deluded fool. How can she feel what she feels when the reality is there to see? The letter, which is in his handwriting. The footage. It is clear to see. Nathan left her for another woman.

Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing makes sense and it scares her. It scares her that her heart might be her worst enemy. It has caused her to believe lies. Lies that Nathan has ingrained into her over the years, or so it seems. Lies that she mistook for love and devotion. Lies that have led her here, stranded and alone on her honeymoon.

Nothing makes sense and what she believes and feels starts to crumble. She can feel her mind foaming to the brim with bubbles of doubt. How long had Nathan been planning to take her on this honeymoon just to break her heart by running off with another woman? How could he do this? Why? She thought she knew him and knew that he loved her. Now she knows nothing for sure. She thinks of everything they had been through in the last five years. Perhaps it was a sign, unveiling the toxic waste their relationship is instead of the strength that makes their love real - that they can love and hold on to each other amidst battles. Nothing is real, she thinks. Perhaps she's on an expensive getaway that's meant to leave her stranded and face the farce that her marriage is. And she deserves it, being the naive fool she is. Maybe their love, which she thinks is real, is just an illusion that she made up in her mind.

In a dark bubble of haze, Cathy makes her way to the bathroom. More thoughts of doubt plague her. She looks into the mirror. Her eyes are bloodshot with slightly visible dark circles underneath. Realizing that she forgot her toothbrush, she trudges back to the rug where their luggage lay. Where the spilled out yet, unread contents of the manila envelope lay.

She reaches out into her suitcase to find her vanity case. While grabbing her toothbrush, the spilled-out contents of the envelope grab her attention. On the floor lies a folded stack of white papers that had morphed themselves into a tiny tent. She picks them up to discover that they are stapled together. She unfolds the stack and reads the first page:

'I am really sorry to have put you through all of this but you deserve an explanation,'

Upon first glance, she notices that the handwriting still looks like Nathan's but something about it seems sketchy. She continues reading:

'Her name is Tatiana and I have been seeing her for the last two years while you were in rehab. I am sorry to have done this to you Cathy but she and I go a long way back. We started dating when I was still at Creaksfield Highschool'

Cathy pauses for a second. She looks at the writing again to confirm what she's read. 'Creaksfield Highshool', she thinks as her eyebrows furrow. Nathan went to Crokesfield Highschool.

The suppressed feeling of Nathan being in trouble slightly resurges. Once again, she notices the handwriting - how sketchy it is. It is the finer details that gnaw at her mind. The fact that a double-storey a is used instead of Nathan's very own single-storey a. The underbent hook on the letter t which Nathan would fully bend...

Cathy abruptly stops herself, thinking she might be going crazy. 'It's just the handwriting and spelling, it's so trivial,' she thinks. The words on the letter say one thing, but it is what she has read between the lines that make her think that she cannot completely rubbish her concerns right away. After all, how often does one forget or misspell his high school name? It's not common.

The rest of the pages are an overflow of Nathan's remorse and regret, which leaves Cathy confused once again. Making decisions bound to reap despair and regret has never been her husband's forte.

Once more, the battle of heart and mind rages inside of Cathy, and suddenly the art depicting fighting men in capes on the hotel foyer floor is relatable.