43 | A Drugged-Up Secretary

1:06pm

: duuuuuuudddeee did you see that?!

: yes.

: you backflipped and landed on my fucking lunch right in front of me.

: and then proceeded to split the table in half.

: yes i think there's a few wood shards in my spine

: yes there's blood but who cares i want my lunch get me my fUCKING LUNCH

: okay okay!

: i'll be back in a second rose

: jesus what happened in here

: yeah we were gone for like two minutes wtf

: gone doing what?

: eachother?

: what??? no

: noope

: you think i'd do that guy? really?

: yeah me? really? i wouldn't do me

: mhmm okay

: what the fuck broke the lunch table

: oh my god please don't tell me you were doing it in here

: please tell me you were just making out and the table somehow got crushed into many wood splinters and for some reason is garnished with... is that olive oil dressing and cherry tomatoes?

: hey!

: that was one time!

: peter backflipped into my salad and rosie did nothing

: yeah i did

: i laughed

: ah classic parker

: you'd think him being a superhero would make him more nimble

: apparently not

: rose, who uses the word 'nimble' anymore?

: me

: here's your new salad

: kale salad? what am i? a peasant?

: kale is kinda expensive actually

: and don't let lena hear you or she'll never buy us a new lunch table and i would rather eat my burger on a table and not the now splinter-embedded carpet

: i just sat down on said carpet and i swear i just got at least fifty-two splinters in my ass

: wow you'd think a bunch of people with multiple degrees in advanced science and engineering would be a lot smarter and mentally equipped to process dangers of a situation

: someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed

: sOmEoNe WoKe Up oN tHe WrOnG sIdE oF tHe BeD

: jess, are you okay?

: would you like this very lovely and delicious kale salad to calm down?

: I heard someone disrespected kale.

: i was clearly praising it

: this is getting weirder and weirder

: yeah no kidding

: peter broke the lunch table by doing somersaults, kathy and harold may or may not be sleeping together, rose hates kale and calls it peasant food, i apparently 'woke up on the wrong side of the bed' even though my bed is AGAINST THE WALL THANK YOU VERY MUCH, and lena is some sort of kale connoisseur as her side job

: it was an accident!

: hate is a very strong word... i prefer 'despise'

: we're not sleeping together!

: we're not?

: ow

: I'm an expert. I took side classes in college.

: just eat the kale jess

: NO, KALE WILL NOT CALM ME DOWN

: clearly

: Do you want to talk about it?

: my favourite burger place closed down

: shit that's sad

: i'm sorry for your loss

: thanks

: damn they made the best fried chicken

: wait i thought they were a burger place

: yeah they are

: what are they called?

: kfc

: ...and what exactly does it stand for?

: freedom and justice

: the restaurant jess

: what exactly do you think kfc stands for?

: kool fuckin chburgers

: what the fuck

: oh hey guys! guess what?

: what

: now she's cheery?

: i got my wisdom teeth removed today! :)

: Jess! Why didn't you tell me?! Take the damn day off!

: i'm fine! the drugs have finally kicked in! :)

: Were they not working during the removal?!

: don't worry! i only felt excruciating pain! :)

: Okay, that's it I'm taking you home.

: there was blood everywhere :)

: you're using ':)' an awful lot i am very concerned

: correction: there blood everywhere :)

: Come on Jess, lets go.

: :) :) :)