CHAPTER 12 (THEN)

I knew love, hell I did..., but I never thought it would blaze me in all the lights. 

My heart, my body, all were on fire. 

That shared kiss still engraved on my mind, as I watched the ceiling lying on my bed. 

I could not sleep, 

One, because I did not want the mind to forget, 

Second, I wanted to rewind every moment. 

I felt like a virgin boy, I really did. 

I've had people in my past, but none made my world lighten like this girl. 

I know maybe things were heading too fast, but what was I waiting for? 

I had loved her since the beginning..., 

and so with no sleep, I decided to write a simple work of art, maybe to remind me of this day..., and maybe more days that were to come…, 

I was in love. 

I sure was, 

Luke would really have been happy for me, I always told him I liked the girl. 

I knew everything about her, even before I came to know her name..., she just seemed not to get out of this sculpt of mine, what was I to do? But I loved the feeling, 

I enjoyed this feeling, and I felt like calling her..., 

before she went to sleep. 

Maybe she was asleep, I told myself…, 

maybe not. 

Just..., 

one, 

two..., 

I dialed, as I smiled like a teenager. 

I sure was a teenager or more than that boy who finally gets the first peck from his crush. 

I don't know why I really felt this much connection towards her, I really did not know..., she felt like someone..., something that I had been missing all along, like a piece of me that the universe had finally brought back. 

The phone clicked at last. 

'No answer.' 

I dialed again..., my heart beating in its thuds. 

At the moment, I would not state that I was disturbing her, I just wanted to tell her goodnight. I had read somewhere that when a man calls you all the time, he loves you..., so that's what I was trying to do. 

I was not really disturbing her..., 

and it clicked again..., 

'no answer.' 

Maybe she slept, after our time on the rooftop, so I just placed my phone on the charger, as I made sure it was on, in case she views my missed call and calls. 

Most times I hated being called when sleeping; I was used to putting flight mode, but now..., I had all reasons..., all reasons to put it on. And I drifted to sleep, thinking about that kiss again. Hell, I was in love. I hope it lasts.

Buzz…!!! Buzzz!!! Buzzz!!! 

My phone disturbed me a thousand times, one of the reasons why I hated my phone on when I was asleep. 

Now it just woke me up; I barely knew how long I had been asleep anyway… 

"Yea…," I lazily stated, removing the phone from the charger, which was right next to the bed.

"Hayzen..," the voice stated, and I knew directly who it was… 

"Ka…, Kate," I stated, and I woke up unintentionally and not knowing, my senses all up. "Are you in trouble?" I added, worried why she had called so early… It was barely 4 AM… It was 3:30. 

"I saw you called, I just woke to do some exercise. I'm some weirdo, I shouldn't have called."

"No… no… no…, it's okay… I like it, I like this," I stated quickly, fearing she would hang up on me. "How is the exercise… have you finished?" I added. 

"No, I just called right after checking my phone; I place it on silent mode when sleeping," she stated, and I just smiled. 

"You prefer your beauty sleep. I just wanted to tell you goodnight…," I stated, inhaled a thick of air and then added, "It would be a shame not hearing your voice before I sleep." I stated, hoping she did not find it as a joke, since she laughed… I was really serious; I really… I was serious. Sometimes people don't take something like this seriously… 

"We had just texted, so I imagined it was just a done deal," she stated, and I felt offended. The last thing I wanted was to build love out of texts… 

"Eeeh…, you really prefer texting?" I asked, hoping she would just say no. 

"After a text, I'm really okay, but thank you for calling," she stated. 

"Any plans today?" I questioned… changing the topic, as I realized her words were starting to become acid inside my heart… I really did not care much about her liking texting much, but I just preferred that she would at least tell me that she also wanted to hear my voice as I did. But anyway, girls always want the gentleman to give their all, so I just… 

"No, I have one class," she stated, "and a shooting, for Spoken voice." 

"Oooh…," I stated. I did not want to hang up; I really did not. So I just started another story, "how did you join Spoken voice?" 

"It's a friend I'm taking," she stated. 

"Oooh…, a friend?" I asked. 

"Not really what you think, she is one of my female friends." 

"Oooh…," I laughed a little bit. 

We men were always insecure when our significant others had a male best friend. I never thought of it much before, but I would not love a girl like Kate having a male bestie… That guy would for sure, be secretly liking… just waiting for the time to reach so that he can finally share his emotions. 

"Okay, Zen…, let me do some exercise, we'll talk later," she stated. 

"Okay…, ni…" before I finished the word nice exercise she hung up. God,… 

I found myself sighing… as I observed her number, I wished she was not exercising and we would talk more until something like six in the morning before I head for my full day classes with little hourly breaks.

And before I sat on my chair to peek at my medical books, as no sleep would really take over me after waking,... I read the little journal I had written...

'We've all been in love. For me, I never have. 

I wasted my years being embraced by the hugs and care of older women; older women felt more like my soulmate then... 

they all seemed to know. 

They seemed to know when I needed attention and when I needed space, 

when I needed physical touch and when I needed just emotional touch. 

It was more of my style of living, because they gave me a little to cater to my stomach as my mother catered for my little sweet, funny boo, my little sister.

 I needed her not to care about me, I needed to be grown, to be grown, I needed to be. 

So love was not a feeling; I really got the chance to cherish. 

All I knew of love is being taken care of, being directed what to do, 

and being manhandled like a little girl... 

Scary past... I know.

 I just forgot it once my dear brother Luke made me a deal with the pharmacist downtown, and finally I breathed the air everyone breathed. 

But I missed it, of course. 

I missed being caressed and being called sweet names. 

Well, missing is a little overrated as I really did not experience the love I saw in my colleagues,

but I did see it from my brother Luke, 

the way he looked at his girl, as if she were the only person in the room, and she to him. 

I yearned for it... 

I yearned for it... especially knowing at the back of my mind, the girl two blocks at the corner was the first little one of my age I was in liking to... and I dug deep... I dug deep about her. 

And now, 

she is my girlfriend. 

Everything I dreamed of, 

every caressing I yearned for,

 every physical touch I wanted, 

every little piece of love I wanted. 

Hell, how lucky would I be to get it from the one my eyes yearned for.

I hope, dear me in the future, 

you shall laugh and smile, 

smile for the big smile she lights up in me, 

smile for the light smile she makes when I stutter, 

smile for the little things I find amusing about her... 

smile about her calling me at four am just to return my call... she's a weirdo I love. (I added the part, on the journal.., I just found it cute)

And for today, for making the first kiss, 

and for that day I accepted Billy's party want... 

we have made the first step... 

I shall document every day, as if you were my little diary.

 Young @Hayzii'

I really had words when writing journals; they seemed so beautiful. I read the journal again, and again, and again...

"I hope older me will be proud," I stated loudly. 

I hoped he really would. 

I would become a doctor, and she would be a designer. 

I will make sure she dresses the best models in the state. 

We shall have like three children, two boys and maybe one girl. 

We shall build near the seashore, as we observe the sea and the beautiful sunset. 

I will kiss her every morning when she wakes, and every night before we sleep. 

I shall put a ring on her finger... 

And she shall carry my name. 

Like literally my name. 

Her name would fit right well with mine, like just a match made in heaven... 

And I sighed, forcing myself to concentrate on the medicine books.

 I needed to make our future... 

OUR?

I laughed at that...

Beautiful. Our...," I stated again.