Chapter Twenty-One

When I die, I think a lot of people will be sad, and I think that will be a good thing. Not their sadness, of course, but the meaning behind it-- the meaning it holds for young ones like Pearl. I would one day like to see her fortunate husband and children-- even if from the warm shadows of trees.

--the journal of Grandma Bathilde, found on the back of a Halloween postcard she posed for during the 1930s. Not a single page was left empty.

The next few days were a blur of tears, hugs, and attempts at accepting the pain of the present moment. Bathilde's ashes were divided between three parties: Hajime, the lover, Amma, the daughter, and Pearl, the granddaughter. Pearl felt strange carrying the glass jar, about seeing what remained of the old woman who cheerfully doted on her. No eyes to close. No hands to hold. Not even Dad's hugs or Mom's kisses took the sore feeling away. Even stranger was the concept of dividing a body, but a body-- Amma would remind little Pearl at funerals, as she stuck her face close to the open casket -- is not the soul, which is with us, but also somewhere soft and gentle. Are we softer and gentler, having known certain people?

Being outdoors was one of the few things that soothed the pain. Pearl wasn't alone, as there was always at least one other person out with her. They would sit and talk, letting the sun dry the tears out of them. Sometimes they would sit in silence, and Pearl would close her eyes to allow the sunlight seethe over her face. She would remember Bathilde as they picked flowers together, laughter mixing with the brightness of the petals. She remembered Bathilde's emerald-green magic swirling from her fingers, how she could form mermaids and fairies to emphasize her fairy-tales. But most of all, she remembered Bathilde's smile-- its growth, its gap, and its genuine peace. Her eyes fluttered open to nothing but a shimmering blue sky. Nothing but a shimmering blue sky, and an old witch cackling in her heart.

When she had more energy, she and Hajime would train in the ways of water-gazing. This time it was less focused on magic, and more on the wanderings of the soul. Hajime had Pearl dip a clear glass bowl into the pond and set the bowl beside Bathilde's ashes.

"If the water ripples a lot," Hajime explained, "That means her soul is moving around us. If it stays still, she's resting peacefully in the afterlife."

"Interesting thought," Pearl agreed, noting a slight splash in the water, "She must be on her way in."

"Or her way out. See how the water is slowing?"

Pearl squinted.

"Yeah. It didn't seem like it was splashing a lot to begin with, though."

Hajime stepped away and buried his face in his hands. She jumped up and followed him.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I don't know what to do," he sighed, shaking his head, "I know Bathilde wouldn't have wanted me to quit the Palace, but I had to."

"She'd understand," Pearl comforted, "You just lost the woman you loved."

Hajime smiled sadly, before sniffling.

"I mean...retire. For good. I'm the same age she was and, well...this had been building for a while. I got rid of the Perma-Golem with a spell she taught me and well..." He dabbed his eyes. "I'm free. But free to grieve."

Pearl leaned close to the old man, letting him sob and throb into her arms. His tears and mucus were warm on her shoulder, and she felt a tear trickle down her cheek. A question popped into her head. Should I ask-- now?

"Hajime," she said softly, "I-I don't know if you're ready for this, but how come you and Grandma never got married?"

Hajime folded his hands behind his back and paced down the hill. He must have been deep in thought, but Pearl now regretted asking. Did I upset him that much?!

"Well...back when we met...it was after the War, but tension still remained. She was white, and I was Asian. In either culture, in those days, such a relationship would be an abomination." He frowned. "I'd never settled down before— I never had a wife or children. Since my family was against my water powers, I had to move on— even though I discovered them by mistake. Silly rock! Anyway, I spent so much of my life finding myself, I had never considered being with anyone else.

"We could have lived among the elves, you see, but she was also human. Elves are humanoid. Halflings aren't made to live simply-- unless they were born that way."

"Oh."

"Marriage isn't the meaning of my life," he sighed, "Maybe I'm just a crazy old man, but I never liked the idea. Too much fuss. In some places they would call us common-law. Whatever. What we had wasn't common at all."

Pearl blinked. She felt the words tremble in her throat; she had to let them out.

"Well...Grandma thought I would find love, if I wanted it. I can't let her down."

"Don't rush anything just to make her happy. She wouldn't like that."

"But she...was so loving, and so lucky, to find a man like you."

Hajime blushed and chuckled into his age-splotched hand.

"Y-You're too kind. Thanks, Pearl."

"I'm being honest," she insisted, raising her brows, "Without you, she wouldn't have been so happy-- and so insistent that I improve as a witch. Maybe a person, too."

"Wow. I had no idea you felt it so deeply."

"Well...." She picked at her chipped pink nail polish, "I'm afraid I used to be bad at expressing it-- or even feeling it."

"Don't worry. It gets easier with time."

"But I still can't imagine what I'm going to do without her. Cry myself to sleep every night. Die alone, surrounded by dried herbs and waxy candles and stories I'll never publish."

"Be careful. Your imagination is stronger than you think, Pearl."

Before she could reply, a familiar plump figure walked across the grassy field. Pearl smiled. Tadashi! He looked so warm and cozy. She was drawn to the brightness of his eyes, the rosiness of his cheeks, the fullness of his mouth. He had a kind face. She loved the way his soft belly filled out over his jeans. Why he stayed with the Prince so long, God only knows, but I hope he gets out soon...!

"Tadashi," she said, walking closer, "Hey! It's nice to see you again."

He blushed, the pink color looking cute against on his chubby cheeks.

"You too. How are you feeling today?"

Pearl felt her stomach churn.

"Well enough, I suppose. She'd probably be walking me downhill, helping me pick flowers and herbs, trying to tell some elf story...." A lump shot up her throat. "S-Sorry."

"It's okay. Take your time."

Pearl wiped her eyes, then smiled slowly.

"I...Thanks for checking on me."

Tadashi smiled back.

"You're welcome. I couldn't just leave you like that, you know."

Pearl shuddered. Her street smarts kicked into gear, praying he wasn't another creepy Prince Hinata.

"Mmm-hmm."

"I...I've been thinking about leaving the Palace," he admitted, sitting on a grassy patch, "Not seriously, not too much-- but I've always wanted to have my own restaurant. A little place where everyone can gather and talk. Oh! And I would make the most delicious dishes they'd ever seen. It would be a...a...fantasy restaurant. A fusion of Japanese and Ko'Trin earth-elf cuisine-- a little acorn here, a little juniper there...I dunno. It's crazy, but I think, if I make enough money...I could pull it off."

Pearl's brows shot up. A fantasy restaurant? This was impressive.

"Wow. You really want to leave the Palace."

Tadashi chuckled, shrugging his shoulders.

"It's nothing serious. They pay me good anyhow, and I get to work with Mom. Oh-- and all the Palace secrets! What's better than that?!"

Pearl wasn't sure what to make of this. On one hand, it was good to hear that he worked hard and loved his mother; on the other, she wondered if he was being a little too cautious, a little too loyal to the people who wronged her-- and probably him.

"You've got to act fast," she warned him, "Or else the cycle will repeat itself-- even with the new heir...the cousin who designs clothes, right?"

"Yes. Princess Sadako. She's quite a character."

"I'm relieved it's a woman this time, but still...if you want a restaurant, you can't stay loyal to these people. Or at least...not as loyal as you'd like."

"But I don't have enough money."

"I understand, but can't you ask for a raise? I would think even the Imperial family would grant that request."

Tadashi shook his head.

"By this point, you should know the Imperial family isn't what they seem."

Pearl crossed her arms.

"I understand, but what you want is more attainable and just...better than what I wanted."

"Which was?"

"A rich husband."

Tadashi erupted into laughter. He tumbled backward, his plump cheeks turning bright pink. Pearl giggled at her own ignorance. To think...that was on the one thing on my mind...! What a coxcomb I was! She stopped, and her eyes stung with tears. That could have been time I've spent, taking care of Grandma...!

"Pearl," he whispered, rubbing her shoulder, "Pearl, did I say something?"

"N-No. I was just thinking about...all the time I wasted...dreaming about men, ignoring my own grandmother!"

"That wasn't wasted time. You were just...living your life."

"But I knew she was sick. How could I have been so selfish?!"

Tadashi sat in silence, stroking her shoulder as she rubbed her eyes. She wasn't sobbing; she'd done all of that in the past few days. Now her body tensed up with anger, Her jaw tightened, and her cheeks went pink.

"There's nothing I can do," she sighed, "Not even with all the magic in the world. I can't make it up to her. All I can do is live with the pain I've caused her-- and Hajime."

"That's not true. You can put that pain to action."

Action! Pearl grinned, then an image came to mind-- Tadashi's Cafe! She imagined an outdoor hideaway in the woods, with swirling green chairs and round green tables balanced on slender legs. Light-gold sunlight would twinkle between the tall trees and warm everyone's skin as they talked and ate. There would be a big, gold-brown arch of twisted branches towering over Tadashi, as he cooked in a small, round shed gritty with logs. A thick, white froth of steam would spiral from the chimney. Everyone would smile and sprawl across the furniture, their eyes glassy with sleepy satisfaction....

"Pearl?"

She leapt to her feet, heart hammering in her ears. Tadashi stood with her. His plump face twisted in confusion.

"Where are you going?"

"Inside. You gave me an idea...."

"For what?"

Pearl giggled into her hand.

"You'll see."

As she ran uphill, Tadashi twitched. He could have sworn he saw a white-gold glow dance around each point of her part-elf ears.