All My Regrets

She lay motionless on the ground for a couple more hours. No longer asleep but not able to get up. Being in the warmer area has caused the numb feeling to go away. All of the scratches, bruises, even the side wound she has can be felt. Every inch of her body said one word.

Pain.

The pain from all of the injuries she has sustained is making it very hard for her to move around. 

The pain has frozen her rock solid. Every little movement causes a surge of pain to go throughout her body. 

"AHHHHHH" She cried out as she forced herself to try standing. 

She has tried to stand up every 30 minutes since she woke up. The final result is the same. 

Painful.

Her eyes tear up as she winches in pain. Every fiber in her body tells her not to move so she goes back down hoping that either the pain goes away or the calming sensation of death takes her away. 

'Maybe I was only able to move after the accident because of the adrenaline I had.' She pondered to herself.

The trickle of a tear down her cheek makes her question the last time she tried expressing her emotions.

'What has it been? 3 years since I last told someone how I feel? Ah yes, I remember now. The reason I had stopped is that the last time I did, I told all my old friends to shut up.'

 They were talking about how they were spending Mothers Day going on dates with their mothers. While she was waiting on the side of a hospital bed for her mother to wake up after surgery. The surgery was done in hopes of getting rid of cancer. 

The operation was unsuccessful and left her mom without memories for 3 months. She often had to remind her mother that she was her daughter. It wasn't until after 3 months did she regain her memory. 

Even then sometimes at random, she would forget for a few hours about everything. She would have a panic attack just seeing us. She would scream "What are you doing in my house?" 

Xiaoyi smiled a little before a frown returned to her face. 

She did apologize to her friends but two of them never talked to her again. The ones that did make sure to stay clear of the words mom and mother. 

They learned about what was happening to her mother in the apology and decided that she was just upset hearing about how good their day was. 

She then realized that she could have told her dad how he made her feel in the past couple of weeks instead of trying to avoid him. Maybe she wouldn't have had to run away. Maybe she wouldn't be in this cave. 

Another thing that made more tears come down her face was that after she grew away from her friends she never tried making new ones. 

She didn't see the point of making friends if they would ignore her after moving away for 2 months. In just 2 months her old friends stopped responding to her messages. 

She was removed from the group chat only a month after she left under the pretext of "it's a school groupchat." Why have friends if they are just going to abandon you when you go through hard times? 

The sad reality was that her friends aren't real friends. They were just people that stopped by during the ever-moving river they call life.

Sometimes it will be rocky and fast moving other times it will be calm and smooth.

I wonder if people at my new school would have wanted to be friends. Maybe instead of having to go to a different city by train she would be able to stay at one of their houses. Maybe she wouldn't have gone in the direction of the train station. Maybe she wouldn't have ran into those men. Maybe she wouldn't be in this cave. 

She continued to think of her mother and her old friends. She also thought about all the changes she's missed because of a few thoughts she had. 

She then got up despite the pain she was in. She will get to the other side of this cave and survive. 

She continued to hug the left wall as she walked down the cave. She made sure that if the wall vanished she would find it again. This is the only way she wouldn't walk into something or get lost. 

After walking around for another 30 minutes the upward incline stopped. She was now walking on flat cave flooring. This made everything so much easier.

'What if it started to go down? It would be much easier but would she be going deeper into Earth?'

Thoughts of 'what ifs' started to run through her head. What if this what if that. 

She continued to walk on the flat cave floor while thinking of these what-ifs. The air in the cave slowly started to get colder and colder. Her body started to shiver and go numb once again. 

Soon she started to see light reflecting off a cave wall. 

'Around the corner is freedom. I finally found a way out.' She thought to herself happily. 

She starts to pick up speed as she heads for the light. 

Suddenly all around her rainbow colored strings that were interwoven through each other began to appear. Their shapes shifted and tangled with others. While others untangled and showed images of what looked to be a cave but the rocks were slightly different in color. Soon the strings got brighter and brighter and the images within them bigger and clearer... 

*Kaboom*

A soul penetrating explosion exploded all around her and seemed fo go on for many miles as it echoed through the cave.

At the same time a flash of blinding light took all the rainbow glowing strings with it. The light she once saw down the cave was much farther and some of the walls were tented different colors. 

'What was that?'

She continued to go in the direction of the light feeling as though it was a nightmare. Was she hallucinating? Is she this close to death that her mind is falling apart? Just like the hallway that never ends she was so close to the light then it got farther. 

However, unlike the dream she really was getting closer. 

As she turns around the corner she finds herself dozens of meters in the air. The sunlight is shining a little redder with not many clouds in the sky. 

"Why is it suddenly so much warmer?" She asked herself. 

"It's just like it should be during the fall. Why was there a random blizzard?"

As she looked around she could see mountains and trees that she didn't recognize.

Down below all she saw was snow. Lots and lots of snow. However, She could tell the snow was melting. A small stream was forming in the center of the valley.

As she is looking down from the wet snowy ledge she is on, her feet loose their grip on a patch of melting snow and she slides off the edge. She is now falling alongside the mountain. Her heart is pounding. She opens her mouth to scream in hopes of someone hearing it and saving her like a hero, but closes it and closes her eyes. 

This isn't a novel i should just accept the cards I have been delt as others probably have it worse than I do.

Her hopes slowly fade as she falls to the base of the mountain. Her frightened face turns calm as she nears the end of her ride. She has the last 4 years flash before her eyes. If she survived this she will change how she was for the past 4 years. She will go make some friends and tell her dad how she feels. Maybe even meet the guy that wrote her the letter. 

"Maybe if I survive this."