Don't Be Ainz.

I stormed through the Adventurer's Guild, ignoring the stares and whispers. My blood was boiling, fury a simmering inferno. The stench of that slaver's den, the whimpers of the terrified women, the casual cruelty… it was all still fresh in my mind.

I burst into the Guild Master's office, ignoring the receptionist's startled cries. Pluton Ainzach, his majestic mustache bristling, started to rise from his chair, eyes widening as he registered my presence.

A Silver Plate adventurer, barging into my office without permission? The audacity! He clearly thought it, but his expression shifted quickly, surprise replacing indignation as he saw my face, my fury.

Before he could utter a word, I slammed the sack onto his desk. The impact echoed through the room as the contents spilled out, revealing the severed head of Cocco Doll. His face, frozen in an eternal scream, stared up at us with vacant eyes.

"Why the FUCK was this THING, barely above a common goblin in any sort of morals, underneath your goddamn city?!" I roared, my voice shaking with rage. How dare he even think about audacity! That bastard was running a slave operation right under his nose! There's no way he didn't know! He's either incompetent or complicit. Either way, he's going to answer for this.

Pluton froze, his eyes widening as the head rolled out of the sack. His surprise was genuine, tinged with a weary acceptance. These damn adventurers… always so impulsive. My anger faltered, a flicker of confusion replacing the white-hot rage. I delved deeper, probing his mind, searching for any hint of deception, any trace of guilt. But there was nothing. Only surprise, a touch of annoyance, and… amusement?

He's actually happy about this? I thought, incredulous. He's not even trying to cover his ass. He's just relieved? Wait… I followed the thread of his thoughts, a sudden realization dawning on me. He wasn't happy about the slavery or about the suffering. He was happy about the opportunity to prove those other Guild Masters wrong and that a problem as actually been fixed without him calling for it.

Those pompous fools who had scoffed at his claims about theirpower would definitely be shown his boot and they'd have to shine it with their goddamn faces.

"Those other Guild Masters aren't going to believe this," he chuckled, shaking his head. "Just wait until I tell them about this ." He glanced at the severed head, then back at me, his smile widening. "Congratulations, your Highness. You've just earned yourself an Adamantite Plate."

----

Asuna stormed out of the Guild Master's office, once a whirlwind of righteous fury and barely contained frustration, now a pouting puppy of cuteness and bafflement.

She tossed a gleaming Adamantite Plate onto the table, the metal clinking against my Silver one. I watched her go, a smirk playing on my lips. Her shoulders were slumped, her lower lip jutting out in a petulant pout.

I picked up the silver plate and pocketed it while donning the shiny green of the Adamantite.

"Ah, my beloved wife wants to renew her KARF membership now?" I teased, my voice laced with amusement. "Does she indeed believe that Kirito is always right? The Kirito is Always Right Foundation always needs more members. Join KARF. Admit that I was right."

"Shut up, Kirito," she retorted, not even turning around. "Your single-member group, which I'm still not joining, still sounds like 'Barf.' Find a better acronym and a better subject."

I chuckled, following after her as she marched towards the guild hall exit.

"Ah, but we are both Adamantite members of the Adventurers Guild now," I said, my voice taking on a mock-serious tone.

"We should celebrate by doing something crazy, like joining a foundation that is both awesome and, despite sounding like 'Barf,' is absolutely correct all the time." I quickened my pace, falling into step beside her.

I couldn't resist poking the bear a little more. I swept my arm out in a grand gesture, extolling the virtues of KARF. "Imagine, Asuna, a world where everyone acknowledges my undeniable rightness! A world free from the tyranny of wrongness! It's a utopia, a paradise, a—"

"Can we just plan our wedding before I murder you and have to revive you due to regretting it immediately?" Asuna interrupted, her voice flat, her eyes narrowed.

I laughed, raising my hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright," I said, my grin widening. "Wedding planning it is. But just know, Asuna, deep down, you know I'm right."

She rolled her eyes, but I could see the hint of a smile playing at the corner of her lips. We stepped out of the guild hall, the midday sun warm on our faces. The streets of E-Rantel bustled with activity, a chaotic symphony of merchants hawking their wares, adventurers boasting of their exploits, and the ever-present scent of roasted meat and ale immediately replaced by the smell of horse droppings and potential muggers being smashed to the ground by another nearby group of adventurers.

Such society.

It was a world ripe for the taking. But for now, we had a wedding to plan. And maybe, just maybe, I could convince Asuna to finally join KARF.

A man can dream.

----

"And I do pronounce thee man and wife, you may kiss the bride!" Renner declared, her voice ringing with a saccharine sweetness that did little to mask the calculating glint in her eyes.

The grand hall of the former Baron Cheneko's manor, now our temporary residence, echoed with polite applause. Nobles, merchants, and even a few high-ranking adventurers had gathered to witness the union of the "foreign prince" and his "duchess." It was a lavish affair, a carefully orchestrated display of wealth and power designed to solidify our position within the kingdom's hierarchy.

Renner, ever the schemer, had insisted on officiating the ceremony. I could practically see the wheels turning in her head, calculating the political advantages of aligning herself with us. But I didn't care. I had Asuna, and that was all that mattered.

As for the "kiss the bride" part… well, Asuna decided to take that quite literally. She grabbed me, pulled me close, and kissed me with a fiery passion that sent a jolt of electricity through my entire being. The polite applause turned into awkward coughs and muffled whispers as Asuna, with a mischievous grin, dragged me away from the bewildered crowd.

Hours later, we returned to the party, our faces flushed, our clothes slightly disheveled. The guests, their expressions a mix of amusement and thinly veiled disapproval, pretended not to notice the sparkling smiles and the lingering scent of arousal that clung to us.

I approached Gazef, intending to inquire about the situation with the Slane Theocracy. "The Slane Theocracy has been silent for a while," he began, his voice a low rumble, "and that doesn't bode—"

His words were cut off by a thunderous crash. The doors to the hall burst open, splintering into a thousand pieces as a figure in a crimson red suit and an ornate, skull-shaped mask strode into the room. He radiated an aura of arrogance and power, his every movement a calculated display of dominance.

"Hello, wonderful partygoers!" he boomed, his voice amplified by some unseen magical force. "My name is Jaldabaoth, and—"

Asuna and I exchanged a look. A silent understanding passed between us. This asshole, this wannabe demon lord, had just interrupted our wedding. And we were going to make him pay.

Styling on this clown would be the perfect way to celebrate our union.

"When hope is lost, undo this lock, and send us forth on a moonlit walk!" I roared with asuna in unison, as my voice echoed with power. "RELEASE RESTRAINT LEVEL ZERO, FULL ANCESTRAL TREE OF WORLDS!"

The air crackled with energy, the very fabric of reality warping around us as we released a sliver of the full extent of our divine might. The guests, their faces pale with terror, scrambled for cover as a blinding light engulfed the room.

Jaldabaoth, his mask cracking under the strain of our combined power just appearing in his vicinity, let out a startled gasp. He had no idea what he was up against and he was about to find out.

"I can do this for five seconds!" I shouted, my voice laced with a mock urgency that barely concealed my amusement. "We need to finish him now, and using it all at once, due to his immense power, is the only option!"

The truth was, this Jaldabaoth fellow, whose mind reeked of a sickeningly familiar blend of cruelty and meticulous planning, was nothing more than a minor annoyance.

A gnat buzzing around our heads. But, hey, a little theatrics never hurt anyone. 

Especially when it came to crushing your enemies-, 

seeing them driven before you, and hearing the lamentations of their women.

Okay, I need to stop reading the minds of goddamn sociopathic demons!

"Then let's do a combined attack!" Asuna declared, matching my faux-gravitas with a theatrical flourish.

We raised our hands, our forms shimmering with an illusory brilliance. Our armor, a gaudy spectacle of gold and silver, pulsed with fake energy, a deliberate choice to further sell the act. A beam of combined energy, a concentrated blast of pure, unadulterated divine power, erupted from our outstretched hands, engulfing Jaldabaoth in a blinding white light.

The air crackled with the remnants of our attack as the light faded, revealing nothing but a scorched patch of ground where the "demon lord" had once stood. We staggered back, feigning exhaustion, our chests heaving with exaggerated breaths.

"We only needed two seconds," I gasped, wiping a nonexistent bead of sweat from my brow. "But any longer, and we wouldn't have been able to fight them."

Right on cue, a group of figures emerged from the dissipating smoke. Maids in elaborate, weaponized armor, their expressions a mix of concern and awe, rushed towards us. At the back of the group, a woman in full black armor, a massive poleaxe strapped to her back, watched us with an unnerving intensity.

Two of the invaders, the maid and the armored woman, triggered a deep suspicion within me. Their thoughts, a chaotic blend of fanatical devotion and disturbingly familiar cruelty, set off alarm bells in my mind.

No… it had to be a trick. But this was too damn coincidental.

A chill ran down my spine, a prickle of unease that transcended the usual amusement I felt at this world's antics. Something was wrong. Very wrong. I discreetly activated my mental link with Yui, sending a quick, urgent message.

"Yui, darling, could you please check if a god with this description exists in any of the local multiverses?" I followed the thought with a quick memory transfer, a snapshot of the ludicrous deity Ainz had fabricated for his backstory.

A brief pause, then a wave of information flowed back from Yui. Another pause, longer this time, filled with the whirring of her processing power as she cross-referenced data and analyzed probabilities. And then, her response arrived, a bombshell that sent my anger skyrocketing to a whole new level.

"Sorry, Papa, that god seems to be a 'nebulously fictional' amalgamation. Also known as a thought form that has not formed an actual related world or existence. It seems to be a fictional mix of extremely evil, bad-actor individuals. Gods who, by any other name, would be 'giant assholes,' and I couldn't justify that statement without showing you their profiles. But trust me. Being X, a real narcissist, Vysis, who is actually insane, a false goddess named Ehit, an extremely annoying goddess named Megami who is obsessed with handsome and beautiful people, and, most damningly… Medea, you know, the goddess whom I absorbed."

The pieces clicked into place, a horrifying mosaic of realization. The maid with Nabe's thought patterns, the armored woman with an amplified version of Albedo's obsessive devotion, all fixated on someone named "Momonga." And that ridiculous reincarnation story… it never made sense. Not really.

A wave of unhinged, incandescent rage washed over me. 

Then I laughed. The choking pausing and insane sound of it echoing everywhere.

My laughter turned into a harsh, grating sound and echoed through the manor and beyond, bouncing off the walls, startling the nearby guests as they backed away in terror. 

Then, just as abruptly as it began, it stopped. 

The mask of amusement shattered, replaced by a cold fury that made the air crackle around me.

Space cracked as my eye twitched and I was sure a blood vessel would have broken if I wasn't so damn durable.

My rage had fucking broken and I was going to BREAK SOME FUCKING BONES!

"VACATION IS FUCKING OVER, MOMON THE MOMONGA FUCKING AINZ OOAL GOWN FAKE BACKSTORY DICKBAG!"

My voice, amplified by a surge of divine power, boomed through the broken hall, smashed its way around the villa, then the area around it until the very air itself vibrated with uncontained fury. 

The guests, their faces pale with terror, shrank back towards the far wall as I turned towards the group of maids, my eyes burning with an icy fire.

The game was over. It was time to settle the score.

"Hi toys. How am I going to break you?"

----

-DICKBAG!"

Wow! This humble narrator definitely FELT those words, even from here!

Ahem.

Deep within the echoing halls of the relocated Nazarick, a chill wind seemed to whisper through the grand chamber as the last word finished. A certain former skeleton, whose offhand comment about to Albedo about a wedding along with a fictional god created by text magic- had his situation spiraled into a full-blown, multiversal shitstorm!

That former skeleton felt a familiar tremor of fear rattle his newly-crafted body of not-just-bones. Even the comforting hum of his World Item, tucked away in his Combat Slot, couldn't dispel the creeping dread that clawed at his soul.

He had fucked up.

Royally.

Monumentally.

And even Catastrophically!

It seems he was absolutely, undeniably, irrevocably fucked .

How many bones would the former Bone Daddy lose before he was reduced to a skeleton once more, or even a quivering pile of calcium and regret? Or would he simply melt into a puddle of shame and irrational fear as well as a cautionary tale whispered through the smallest multiversal clusters?

This narrator, usually a beacon of snarky amusement and fourth-wall-breaking commentary, is genuinely terrified to find out! But if you're brave enough, dear reader, if you possess the fortitude to witness the impending carnage, the inevitable clash of gods and a very confused salaryman… then join us next time on: "Ainz Ooal Gown Shits Itself in Particular, and the Multiverse Better Damn Well Wait!"