Hell

So we finally got here to 8th grade. The year where all of my emotions were completely drained from me. When I first started 8th grade I had very little hope left and I just prayed that everyone would have matured by now. I once again was very wrong everyone hated me even though I was nice to them. Eachday I would come to school with a smile on my face trying to stay positive but the smile never lasted long. I remembered that my dad never liked it when I cried because he said I cried to loud. He threatened me that if I didn't stop crying so loud he would beat me so I eventually stopped crying altogether. I remember that when I got hurt I would keep the pain in and I would just grit my teeth really hard. When I did cry again it was because my cousin committed suicide and I didn't even realize I was crying. I remember I tried to cheer up my family instead of caring about how I felt. I just bottled up my emotions and rarely showed them. Of course if you bottle up something for to long it eventually erupts. whenever I let my emotions show that emotion would erupt out of me and I would go a bit overboard. Anyway 8th grade was the worse year of my life sure I put everything into short words and you may think it's not a big deal. And oh why didn't you tell someone or just ignore them or something stupid like that. Well all the teachers I went to didn't give a crap and the principal said just ignore it just like some of you who are reading this would probably say. The thing is I was very vulnerable and it was hard to ignore something that kept happening to you everyday. I eventually got so broken down and stepped on by others that I felt like I was a useless piece of white garbage that didn't deserve to live. I didn't go to anyone else because I felt like no one would listen and I felt like I did something so horrible to someone some how so I deserved everything. You don't know how much I wish I could just go back and tell myself to not be afraid to fight back and get in trouble. Of course I told my friends everything that was happening to me but they couldn't help me because they were also going through the exact same thing because we were "outcast". In 8th grade everyone just stepped all over me and made me feel so horrible to the point where I eventually became almost fully emotionless. I want to say that to all the people and you know who you are that made me feel so much despair. That I remember you and I hated you so much for what you did to me and my friends. You gave us so much trauma and pain that I am still recovering from. I hope that you got your karma and feel sorry for what you have done because you could have killed people. I forgive you but I am still being tortured every day when I close my eyes because of what you did to me. I hope you guys liked this chapter goodbye for now.