7. JAY {TORN}

''Have you ever felt like looking up at the sky and asking no one in particular that 'Really? Can this get any worse?'. If yes, then welcome aboard because it is about to get a lot worse.''

I thought by now, I would have gotten used to the creepy quietness of our lonely new old house, but it still freaks me out to come home and be met with eerie silence. The headmaster honked his car and I waved at him goodbye from the window. Today was the day I wrote the great exams. The good headmaster insisted he drove me to and from the place that it would be held. Even though I tried talking him out of it, he would not budge and I gave up after he pointed out the fact that it will save me money and a lot of energy. Well, he was right because, I would have paid for my transport when going since I did not want to be late and would probably walk back on an empty stomach too. I dropped my old and worn out bag pack and plopped myself down on the nearest sofa with a sigh. Thinking of empty stomach, I realized I had not taken in anything except for the water I drank in the morning. I did not want to burden the headmaster more than what I already felt I was had and so I lied when he asked me about the current state of my tummy. ''Full'' I had reply with a smile, a fake one of course. The only genuine smile I smile now is just for Jay and no one else. I stood up and walked to the kitchen praying that I would at least find any leftover to eat. But, I forgot most of my prayers go unanswered and this was one of them. Out of frustration, I made a fist and punched the wall but the sudden pain that shot through my arm felt soo good. So I hit it again, again and again and again till a heard a bone snap and I cried out in pain. I heard the front door open and close, then Jay's voice called out '' Are you home, dear?''. ''In here!''. I gasped, clutching my broken hand to my chest in pain. He came to me wearing a big smile like a child who has just won the biggest teddy bear at a children's park. His beautiful smile quickly faded when he saw the blood on the wall. ''What happened here?'' He asked moving to me, but he stopped in his tracks when he saw my hand. ''You punched the wall?'' He asked shocked. I nodded, I was feeling ashamed now as I thought of the consequence of my action. ''But why would you do that? Wait, let me guess, out of frustration?'' He questioned half angry. I nodded again, staring down at my old shoes. He sighed and walked towards me. His shoes came into view and he took my broken hand and gently inspected it. ''Why were you frustrated dear?''. He asked softly. ''Because, I am really angry and there is nothing for me to eat''. I answered quickly, glad that he no longer sounded annoyed. ''You punched a wall, broke your hand out of frustration, just because of hunger? What on earth am I going to do with a wild teenager as you?'' He asked in disbelieve but I just stood there quietly, biting my full beautiful lips nervously. I felt his hand on my chin and with his thumb, he pulled my lips from my teeth, kissed me briefly then said ''Don't ruin those beautiful lips with teeth marks dear and honestly, I think it is about time you stop that silly habit of breaking things whenever you are angry, sad or simply confused. It will save me the money used in repairing the damages caused and will also prevent you from hurting yourself in order to make your amazing body acceptable for any movie you audition for okay?'' ''Okay Jay. I am really awfully sorry and hopefully, some day, soon, maybe I will stop this demonic habit''. I answered shyly which made him laugh. ''Silly young lady, I am just glad you are done with your exams, like I wouldn't know how you would write now that your hand is broken. But anyways, look at what I brought for dinner''. He said, opening his bag pack and bringing out two take aways which made me open my mouth in disbelieve. '' Oh c'mon Jay! You are the best brother in this whole wide messy world. But how did you get this? Don't tell me it is from your salary?'' ''Oh no you spoiled brat. What makes you think I would spend my salary on you?'' He enquired. ''Well, let me see it is because you love me. Duh''. I said rolling my eyes. ''Maybe I do but this is from my boss. He said I deserve it for being a good employee to him and a nice little big brother to you''. I hugged him then winced, remembering my broken hand. ''I can't wait to dig in Jay''. I said, trying to ease the tension but he just laughed and answered ''Impatient as always. We will eat but not until your hand is fixed and the wall too''. I tried to protest but he would have none of it. An hour or so later, with the wall clean and my hand in a bandage, we dug in, talking about our day and our expectations for the future. He wiped a sauce from my face and commented nastily '' World best international actress eating like a pig''. I shook my head with a pleased smile then snorted in reply, we burst out laughing again for the umpteenth time that night with joy. But as much as I tried to ignore it, I couldn't shake off that nasty feeling which brings nothing but destruction.

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''Come on, Open the door you scaredy cat''. Jay said, knocking on my door again. I shook my head then replied when I realized he could not see me. ''No! I am not opening this door. I am really scared Jay.'' I confessed. ''Scared? Of what? The results or the dream you would not tell me about?'' He asked. ''Both, Oh boy, it is both''. I replied. ''Listen, honey, you would be fine. You are a very brilliant student and you are gonna score soo high that any acting school that rejects you would be at a total loss. And also about the dream you would not tell me, I'm guessing it's bad right? But I am here okay? And nothing is going to change that, nothing. So please cheer up and open this door so that we can go and check your results. I am also really nervous and tired and I need to rest too, so c'mon dear.'' I sighed and opened the door. Jay was right, I can not ignore the need to check my results because the headmaster has been asking for it for some months now and he was right also because he truly was always going to be here, whereas I would be leaving him soon, I know because this time around, the dream was about me, it was about me leaving. I did not want to tell him about it because I knew I am all he has and he is going to be soo heartbroken that words would not be able to describe it. I held his hand when we walked outside. ''Jay, there is something I want you to know''. I mumbled. ''I am listening dearest''. ''You are the best thing that ever happened to me and you would forever be my best little big brother. I love you Jay. Always have, always will''. I said. He looked at me calmly then said ''You know the first word I said when I saw you for the first time?''. I shook my head, no. ''You were wrapped in this white cloth when you first came home and Papa was holding you dearly. I looked at your beautiful face and said 'wow' I knew right there and then that you were my heart and I know now that it would stop beating without you by my side. You simply turn my world upside down when you smile. I love you more little sis and nothing would ever change that not even the end of this miserable world.'' The tears fell without control and I was not even scared anymore. I was just grateful I got to hear these words from him before I closed my eyes forever. He hugged me for a while and I smiled through my tears. He took my hand again and off we were to check my results.

''HURRAY!'' We shouted with joy. Bystanders stopped to look at us but we were lost in our own gleeful world. ''I was not surprised for a minute, I knew you could do it but I did not know it would be this perfect. Are you sure you are gonna be an actress? Because girl, this head should be studying medicine and healing the sick''. Jay said playfully. ''You wish''. I said sarcastically. ''Wow, you never seize to amaze me. I am really proud of you''. Jay said, hugging me again. ''I am going to get a drink on the other side of the road, you want some?'' I asked. Jay shook his head ''You go on honeybee, I will just print the results out, take our balance and join you shortly''. I nodded then walked away slowly with my back facing the road, looking at him with pride. That was the biggest mistake ever, but how could I resist looking at the nicest person I know who currently has a huge smile plastered on his face. I stepped onto the road still looking at him, he looked away from me for a second then I saw his face changed. He looked back at me in horror then started running like an angry bull towards me. I turned to see a faulty car coming at me on top speed. I froze on the spot as I felt an unfamiliar sensation, a combination of adrenaline that made my blood rush, my ears buzz, my vision blurred and my skin tingle weirdly. Everything was in a slow motion, I heard Jay call my name in agony then I felt a strange strong impact. The force of with was against my strength and I felt myself fly, I hit the ground with a loud thud and for a moment everything was suddenly quiet. Then just as if someone was turning the volume of a radio up, I heard a cacophony of noises and I felt severe pain, everywhere hurt and I just wanted to sleep. I felt familiar hands on my body and someone's hot tears fall on my already wet face. ''Jay'' I called out weakly but he sounded too far away. I heard him speak in between heartrending sobs ''Please stay with me. Open your eyes. I love you, please don't leave me. You are all I have now. I can't loose you too. Please''. He pleaded but I had never heard him sound this desperate, never heard him sound this broken. I tried, oh I did try to reach out to him. I just wanted to be able to hold him and wipe away his sorrowful tears. I wanted to console him and tell him it was just a bad dream. I wanted to say that I really loved him and that everything was going to be fine. I wanted to do that and more, but I felt an irresistible pressure pulling me down into deep foreign waters and no matter how had I tried to swim to the surface, I just could not break through the chocking current and so I did the only thing I knew, the only thing I could possibly do. I gave up the fight and closed my eyes, I stopped swimming and allow the dark scary water to swallow me, pulling me down and down and down and down and down till I hit rock bottom and with a lonely miserable sigh, I blacked out.