Chapter 25: Inner Turmoil

Argo's eyelids drooped, an intense feeling of exhaustion threatening to lead him into an eternal slumber. A weight had been placed on his mind. His body relaxed unconsciously, as he lay under the embrace of moonlight. It was like his blood had been filled with syrup, his mind emptied of all thoughts. 

'Ah, I'm so tired,' Argo mused. He had spent the past week filled with paranoia and uncertainty. It mentally fatigued him, and his body was always exhausted from constant training. It would've been nice for him just to cut back and rest.

A dazzling moon weaved itself from light, hanging high in the ceiling in an otherworldly beauty. It eclipsed the surroundings in silver light, exuding an air of serenity. The corridor's once faint light had now turned into a soft brilliance. Like the moon hanging above the Isles of Evernight had truly descended upon them.

Argo watched Faye stiffen, a slight lapse in her technique creating an opening. The women lunged forward, her silver spear sliding past Faye's armor and skewering her right side. She had managed to use the flat of her blade to slightly redirect the spear's path, but only but a fraction of an inch. In one fluid motion, the spear-wielder twirled her weapon in a deadly arc- promptly disintegrating the shadow squire in a spray of sparks.

A torrent of blood surged out of the wound. Faye stumbled backwards, gripping her side in an attempt to staunch the bleeding. She wore an uncharacteristically anxious expression. The black mana that permeated her being dimmed.

Aria had disposed of the burly man from before, but was on one knee. She looked tired, the azure light punctuated with stars fluctuating around her. Argo was taken aback, she had managed to defeat someone above her grade. An extraordinary feat. Two of their adversaries had been defeated; but one still remained while the leader was still unscathed. 

His heart palpitated, the lavender-haired women had taken action. She had somehow managed to create the moon suspended in the air; its effects instilled weariness and a sense of sleep within its surroundings. Its abilities were potent enough to tip the scales of the battle in her favor; he could tell the sword blade cradled within her hands was responsible.

The sacred relic glowed with a silver light, reflecting the moonlight hovering above it. The mana around it agglomerated toward it, enshrouding the women in a mystical glow. It was like she was cradling a sliver of the moon in her arms.

He didn't expect her to use it now; the most logical decision would to use it at the start of their confrontation. With all of them induced with a heavy feeling of weariness, they would be unable to fight back. 

'But her mind probably isn't all there,' Argo cursed. 'Was she playing with her food?'

He sifted through all of his skills and equipment to no avail. Nothing could keep himself awake. He also feared her mind controlling abilities; within minutes he would finally succumb to sleep and what then? Would he encounter a nightmare like before, or would his mind be replaced?

The insidious women laughed, illuminated by the pearlescence of the full moon.

"You were much more powerful then I thought," she said. "I didn't think I'd be forced to use My Lady's treasure. Most minds break on the brink of defeat."

Argo's heart raced. He was utterly powerless.

The women sighed, "That black-haired girl had somehow managed to create an exit in her dream much to my dismay. And you two, simply overpowering it was simply too much."

Her red eye glinted with a dangerous light, "This is goodbye."

Argo's mind slipped, falling into the abyss that awaited him

***

A lone youth stood on a vast plain of darkness. It stretched endlessly around him, the edges of the strange world forever eluding his eyes. In front of him loomed a familiar wooden gate, appearing the same as it always had in his nightmares.

Argo frowned, realizing he could think clearly. His thoughts weren't jumbled, and he wasn't moving along at the whims of his vision. He knew that the women who had razed his village, and reduced everything he held dear into ashes, would come through the gate in front of him as usual.

The nightmare used to induce fear and panic in him. But recently he had grown tired of it's monotony- he had seen much more traumatizing things. The Deep Kraken for one, the repulsive undead in the Catacombs of Yore, and now the enigmatic women blessed by the moon. 

But no matter how much time passed, nothing happened. Which was definitely different to what happened before. She should've knocked down the door by now, and led an army of vengeful corpses to wreak havoc on his sanity. Argo remained seated on the dark floor, staring at the wooden barrier with an empty expression. He didn't feel nearly as devastated as he thought he would. Just... empty.

'Looks like we failed...'

He had failed to defeat the enigmatic lady; and he was sure the the rest of them were in the same position. Most likely trapped within an endless dream or space, while their bodies loyal to that women.

And despite all of that... he felt nothing.

It was a strange feeling. He was once driven by feelings of vengeance, a desire to let the souls of those from his village find solace. That was why he had set out to Halcyon, endlessly trained himself to survive and strengthen himself. For one day he might've had the chance to confront the Outer Deity who had changed his future. 

But he had failed. And it wasn't even in a blaze of glory. He had succumbed silently to a strange sleep in some desolate corner underground. Everything leading up to this had felt so pointless now.

All it took was one failure, and everything he had built up would be for naught. Those countless days swinging the sword, mastering his technique, controlling mana. In the face of overwhelming power, he was simply a single drop in a vast ocean.

Argo held his head in his arms, unwilling to continue dwelling on what happened. It seemed with his current circumstances, he would have a lot of time to contemplate it anyway. A strange sense of calm pervaded his body.

'I mean, there's nothing more I can do anyway,' Argo thought. 'We did all that we could.'

In the endless plain of darkness and silence, Argo remained still like a statue. It would take getting used to, but the silence was nice. Gone was the paranoia and anxiety. It was a nice change.

"You look really pathetic right now, even more so then that time."

A strange voice broke the dim silence. It was grating on his nerves, as he knew exactly who the person was. Argo raised his head suppressing a scowl. 

Despite not doing anything, the lady with silver hair and orange eyes had appeared before him. Clad in a simple white dress covered by a similarly-colored cloak, she exuded elegance. But within her eyes was a boiling sun raging with malevolence.

"Great, am I going to be stuck here forever with you?" He complained without hiding his resentment. "Just when I thought I'd get to enjoy some well-deserved silence."

"For someone that desired so much to kill me, you're in a really pitiful state," the women mocked. "I thought you had more in you then that."

"Huh?" Argo was caught off guard with her response how could a being of his own memories speak so fluidly? It was like the lady being was here, not another illusion conjured during nightmares.

Her words struck him in the heart, and he felt his mood sour. The previous tranquil lake had a stone thrown in, creating ripples. He didn't exactly like the idea of being kicked while he was down, much less from her. 

"Spare me, it was basically impossible anyway," Argo retorted. He decided to play along with her charade. "I've only been in the damn trial for almost a month. How can anyone expect me to live?"

"Blaming yourself again? An easy way out."

Argo's face darkened, standing up to face the insidious wraith. While his previous thoughts were to simply jeer her, it was becoming irritating playing along. 

"You're just another figment of my imagination and bitterness." He replied sharply. " What do you know about me?"

Her eyes boiled like a cauldron of magma, a distinct flare prompting him to take a step back. He couldn't believe a projection could produce such a pressure. If he didn't know any better, he would've assumed the real thing was actually here.

"Relying on others, using your Inherent like a crutch, all to hide this vulnerable façade. A child, spurred on by delusions of grandeur." the lady said derisively. "You wish to take vengeance for your village? You'll die pitifully before your journey even started."

Each statement slammed into Argo, throwing his mind into upheaval. He wanted to curse her, deny her, and declare she was wrong. But she wasn't. In his heart, he was still the same child from back then; scared and powerless. 

"I'm not so arrogant to think I've been endowed with a higher purpose," he pointedly remarked. "You're quite off about that, quite funny to say the least."

Undeterred, she ignored his jab and continued. "Your greatest desire was to enact vengeance on us. Tirelessly training, mimicking the visage of someone who wishes to truly gain strength. But I know what you really desire."

Argo felt his heart darken, he didn't like where this was going in the slightest. 

"You really want to die, don't you?" She whispered, her voice somehow echoing from all sides. It filled his mind like a dense fog- eliciting a subtle ringing in his ears. He shut his eyes, trying to cover his ears. He didn't want to hear this.

But her derisive, insidious voice continued unabated. "If you acted suicidal it would be betraying all of those that have died. After all, who could avenge their spirits? But, lurking in your mind was the desire for release. You want the suffering to end. That's the reason you came to Halcyon Tower."

Argo's eyes opened, "That's not true. All my actions were aimed to getting stronger for both their, and my sake." Even as the words came out of his mouth, they felt alien to him. He wasn't even sure he genuinely believed in his own words. 

The women smiled mockingly, "You came with half-hearted feelings of gaining strength, but you actually wished to seek the end. What you really desire is a situation in which death is inevitable. An outcome that only results in your demise, what Halcyon can truly provide you."

"T-that's, that's not true," he weakly refuted. "I've never once acted recklessly or attempted to fight something I couldn't handle."

"An excuse to tell the souls of your village 'I tried,'" the women laughed. She seemed to be finding entertainment in his suffering. "You want to try just hard enough to rid yourself of guilt, but not too much because the suffering is unbearable."

Argo's heart was shaking, his breaths coming in short pants. He didn't want to think about it, avoid it at any cost. It always lingered in the back of his mind. 

He was scared.

He was crippled with trauma borne from an Outer Deity's massacre, plagued with survivor's guilt. This guilt fueled suicidal tendencies, as he questioned why he was the one allowed to live. He had tried to shove it to the back of his mind, but it festered like an infected wound.

It gnawed at him, threatening to split his being down to the bone. He simply couldn't bear such a heavy weight; it hovered over his head like a guillotine. He wanted to perish along with the rest of them. But at the same time he felt obligated to carry out their wishes and his own selfish desires; enact vengeance. 

He didn't know what the right choice was anymore.

He didn't know who he was anymore. 

A guilty survivor pining for release?

A hateful wraith burning with vengeance?

A tragic hero burdened with the weight of fate?

His true thoughts had been exposed by the one responsible for it all; leaving a bad taste in his mouth. He was trapped in an endless labyrinth, confused, and hopeless. He couldn't see an exit in sight, and the longer he spent toiling away; the more he felt himself losing sight of his goal.

Argo's mind was shaking, but it steadily became calm. He managed to wrangle all of the tumultuous feelings- finding a delicate sense of balance.

"There isn't a point anymore, I'll die eventually without me doing anything," he said to no one in particular. He was under the enthrallment of the corrupted lady. There wasn't anything he could do anymore.

'I'm sure they'll understand.' He whispered in his mind, convinced that he had tried his hardest. When he joined them in the afterlife, they would pat him on the back and tell him he did fine. After all, he was a mortal attempting to kill a deity. It was doomed from the start.

'I'll no longer have to live with this guilt.'

A thin smile appeared on his lips, seemingly unaffected by the words from the lady before him. She was right. He felt an obligation to carry out this vengeance of his for the sake of those who had perished that day. But it was fueled half-heartedly; he was deeply afraid of what the future held in store. Coupled with his lacking feelings of self-preservation, the Tower could provide him an opportunity. An opportunity to rid him both of his guilt, and suffering.

But he had found solace in his current circumstances. He had tried hard enough, and could finally be free of the guilt that plagued him.

"What are you doing sleazing around?" The familiar voice created more ripples in Argo's mind. It was like a sharp knife had pierced his heart, forcing him to open his eyes. But it wasn't from the sun-eyed lady.

"Miss Amber," Argo whispered with tinge of sadness. He didn't expect this development, and couldn't avoid his eyes getting misty. 

With her gentle demeanor, and graceful face. The only person he knew as his mother watched him from a couple of steps away. His voice caught in his throat, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He hadn't seen her in so long, he had almost forgotten. The only thing to remember her by was the ring tied around his necklace.

"It's mother, remember?" Miss Amber rolled her eyes, "I've been telling you to call me such for a while."

"What are you doing here?" Argo couldn't help but ask. There was so much he wanted to say. Tell her of all the things he had experienced, and all of his feelings that burdened him. There was so much, but he knew she wasn't really here.

"Argo, you're giving up so easily? Always so lazy," she complained with a wave of her hand. "I never seem to know what to do with you."

He blinked, stunned by her words. "What? You don't understand! I tried my best, I did all that I possible could! I'm satisfied with the way things turned out."

Like before, the words sounded fake even to him. They rang hollow, and he knew they weren't convincing at all to Mrs. Amber. He felt pathetic for even speaking in the first place- his once found solace slipping through his hands.

Shaking her head, her caramel eyes seemed to pierce his being. "You don't really believe that do you?"

Argo shook, scrutinizing the inky ground in favor of looking at her. He didn't want to show such a pathetic face to her.

"Forget the guilt that's been haunting you, I'm sure you know everyone would've loved for you to live a peaceful life. We're not so shameless and bitter as you make us out to be. You made your own ghosts." Argo felt her voice soften, and he reluctantly met her gaze.

"I'm sure you're well aware of something that you didn't have before," Mrs. Amber said happily. 

"I'm not sure what you mean," Argo said unconvinced.

"You now have something, someone you wish to protect. And in the future, there will be more you wish to protect; to prevent another tragedy."

He shook his head, trying to denounce her words. "My real father said something along those lines. But I don't cherish anything or anyone. I have no one I wish to-."

Argo abruptly froze, his expression cracking. It was strange, and in some cases stupid. An indifferent girl who could sometimes showcase childish pride. Another girl, boisterous and jovial without a care in the world. He had only known them for a couple of weeks, but he didn't want to lose them. 

"I-I... don't know if I'm strong enough," he whispered. "I don't have anything." Argo wiped his eyes, but the tears kept flowing. 

Miss Amber smiled, "Then keep getting stronger like you've been doing. But for a different reason this time. For those you cherish, and those that you will someday cherish."

'To protect those I wish to protect, and to prevent another tragedy,' he silently echoed. The phrase felt very foreign to him. 

Argo slowly digested Miss Amber's heartfelt words. They contained a warmth that seeped into him, as a small bud of hope germinated in the depths of his being. Forgetting the guilt that had been tearing at him for years would take time, but he felt with her encouragement he could overcome it.

'To protect those I wish to protect.'

While the time spent with Aria and Faye were brief, merely weeks in the years he had lived; he did feel they were comrades, people he could trust with his life. And didn't want them to suffer. 

'Prevent another tragedy.'

He had been too short-sighted, focused on his own personal vendetta. There were much larger implications at large; the disaster that had destroyed his village was only the beginning. Many more casualties would result from allowing Outer Deities to do as they pleased. 

"Thank you, mother." He was finally able to utter the words he had wanted to tell her. 

The light in his eyes returned a little, and Argo could feel his resolve harden. His trauma and guilt weren't completely resolved- but he had found a new goal. Something that he valued more then his path of vengeance.