Musings on the Road

The small party was across the tiny road and running through knee-high grass again before the riderless horses were even out of sight. No doubt whoever was in the watchtowers had already seen them.

Vanya set the pace with Jason carrying Nora on his back easily keeping up with the breakneck pace. The girl had more than recovered from their earlier run and seemed bored now. She looked around idly, humming songs that Jason had never heard before. Nobody would ever imagine that she had just killed a man not an hour earlier.

Jason felt like he was undergoing some kind of existential crisis, and he hadn't even touched anyone throughout everything. And yet the girl on his back seemed to have already put it from her mind.

The sparrow, which shared Jason's horror, nonetheless entertained her by flying around in circles and occasionally landing on her shoulder to rest. She smiled and talked to the bird, gently patting its head with her nose as she clung to Jason.

He had completely lost control of the situation. Vanya was indisputably leading the party, and Nora was just getting swept away in her thoughtless bloodlust. If what she had said was true, then they should have been able to avoid the group of soldiers back there and wait until they were gone to cross. There was no reason for them to so recklessly walk into that kind of confrontation.

And yet, Jason was beginning to understand her and this world through her actions. This wasn't some simple war between neighboring kingdoms. The objective wasn't to gain land or resources or even slave labor. This was a war for eradication. That was the only objective on either side, and nothing less would ever be considered a victory. And Jason was expected to end this war?

Well that objective was distant and lofty enough to seem laughable at the moment. Jason could run fast and occasionally trick people with parlor trick magic, but he couldn't even fight a normal soldier let alone someone like Vanya.

If he could get a handle on the illusion magic that he had, then he should be able to prevent a slaughter like that from happening again. He could make the three of them look like a simple family traveling through the countryside and…That wouldn't be enough.

He had no doubt that Vanya would take every chance she got to murder more people. She didn't see them as people anyway. The only way he could really make a difference was by becoming strong enough to control her. Nora had already begun gravitating far closer to Vanya than him, all because she was strong. Jason wouldn't be able to live with himself if the first girl that he tried to save turned into some kind of murdering psychopath.

Jason let Vanya steer them around farms and tiny settlements, and focused on himself. He thought he could feel the mana now. It was deep inside of him and unnatural. Trying to use it felt like trying to make his heart beat through sheer will power. It flowed into his body, energizing it and allowing him to run without growing tired, but he couldn't take it and direct it somewhere else anymore than he could stop his heart at will.

How had he gotten it to work before? Desperation? Need? Desire? Surely he was just as desperate now as he was before. He needed to get a handle on this before they got into more populated areas, which would inevitably happen if they were going to the capital of this kingdom. He imagined his hand going invisible like he had done earlier when the demons had first appeared, but nothing happened. There wasn't even a shimmer.

"Don't you use mana too?" Jason thought in frustration. "Vanya said that all living things needed mana to live right?"

There was a long pause before Jason got a response. "I suppose that is true, but I don't think that I will be able to help you." He waited for her to continue, but she didn't, and he couldn't just drop it like that.

"Are you avoiding me or something?" It was a weird question considering she was somehow linked to him, but he still felt like it was accurate. They may have gotten off on the wrong foot, but he had been sure that they were at least beginning to come to a sort of compromise.

"I don't know how I should answer that," she said finally, all but confirming his suspicions.

"I'm going to the capital just like you wanted," he thought to her. "You insisted so fervently that I do it and now that I'm actually going…" He paused realizing how stupid he had been. "It's because of Vanya isn't it?"

"I won't deny that it is disturbing, but that isn't all of it," she finally relented. "I understand that given your position you have no choice but to stay with her, but this is not sustainable. No matter how reasonable she seems, I cannot agree with her methods."

Jason couldn't help looking over at the sparrow who was flying beside him. "Surely you know exactly how I feel about that. You can read my thoughts for crying out loud."

"That isn't all of it." She swooped down and landed gracefully on his shoulder. "You are leading a powerful creature of darkness deep into the human realm, but even that is excusable. Do you not remember what she called you back when we first encountered the demons?"

Jason didn't remember. He had been occupied with trying to keep himself and Nora alive at the time. Surely a little slip-up like that could be allowed.

"She called you the Demon Resplendent. That is the name the forces of darkness give to their champion. The one who is set up to match the Hero."

"But I am trying to fight the hero aren't I?"

"You need to supplant the hero and then lead humanity to defeat the demons once and for all. That is what you are supposed to do!"

"I thought I told you that I don't care about what I'm supposed to do! I'm just going to do the best I can and if that means siding with the demons then screw it. Besides, it sounds like they want the same thing as you, an end to this war!" He could hardly believe he was having a mental yelling match with a bird, but here he was.

"Look," Jason said more gently. "You've been in my head for long enough to know what kind of person I am. Do you really think that I'm the kind of person who would commit genocide without a second thought?"

Jason went back to trying to use his mana without luck. Nora had somehow managed to find a way to sleep on his back while he ran, so the sparrow was able to sit there on his shoulder, only having to move a little bit whenever Nora moved her arms in her sleep.

More than an hour had passed and Jason had long since given up waiting when the sparrow answered him. "People change very easily, but I do not think that you would do such a thing right now."

It wasn't much. Almost nothing at all if he was being cynical, but it still felt good to hear. He may be a disappointment or worse to everything and everyone that he had interacted with in this forsaken world, but at least there was one person…One bird…that at least hadn't decided whether or not he was a disappointment yet.

He went back to his exercises, and was surprised to find that a part of his hand went invisible this time. It wasn't nearly good enough, but at least it was something.