Shattered Reality

The question hanging in the air with a raw honesty, expressing my confusion and desperation.

As the question leaves my mouth, I watch my father's face closely, looking for any flicker of reaction as the question leaves my lips.

I study his facial expressions, his scrutinize every twitch and nuance, seeking any indication of deception or surprise in his expression. The silence in the room is deafening as I anxiously await his response.

(…)

The room remains eerily silent, the tension building with each passing moment. My father's face remains stoic and unreadable, his expression unchanged, leaving me to wonder what he is thinking or feeling .

He holds my gaze unflinchingly, seeming almost unruffled by the question I have just asked. The silence stretches on, the tension in the air almost palpable as I wait for him to respond.

My mind is clouded with a mix of desperation and determination, searching for the truth about my past and your identity.

The knowledge that the answer to this question could hold the key to unlocking the secrets that have haunted me fills me with a renewed sense of urgency. I wait anxiously, hoping for some sort of response from my father, anything that would provide a small spark of clarity.

[Thump! Thump! Thump!]

My heart feels like it's going to burst out of my chest as I anxiously await my father's response. I steel myself for the worst, trying to prepare for whatever he might say, but there's a small flicker of hope that he will provide some answers that I so desperately seek. The silence in the room feels oppressive, punctuated only by the sound of my own shallow breathing.

(…)

The room is heavy with tension, the silence between us two hanging in the air like a palpable presence.

[huuu…inh…huu…inhhh…huuu]

[whirr…whirr..whir….whirrr]

The only sounds that can be heard are the sound of our own breathing and the soft hum of the air conditioning unit, creating a stifling atmosphere.

My mind is racing with anticipation and uncertainty, waiting for my father to break the silence and provide some answers to the questions that have been consuming me.

As my father finally breaks the silence and said:

"YES, I am."

As soon as I heard that, I jolt with happiness but then….

"I adopted you right when you 10 years old? Did you forget already?"

Mu heart sinks at his words. I had hoped for some sign of recognition or remorse, but instead, he confirms that he is indeed not my biological father, while casually mentioning that he adopted me.

His words are like a dagger, piercing through my already fragile emotional state. The fact that he mentions forgetting as if it was a mere trivial matter only adds to the feeling of betrayal and hurt.

His tone is nonchalant, as if he's discussing something as mundane as the weather, and his comment about my hospital visit only adds to my confusion and frustration.

A mix of disbelief and disappointment washes over me as my father's answer sinks in, dashing my hopes of a different response. I had been holding onto the possibility that our relationship was biological, but his revelation about adoption has left me reeling. But instead, I was met with a revelation that felt like a slap to the face.

I take a deep breath, trying to collect yourself as you grapple with the implications, struggling to process this newfound information and what it means for my past and identity. 

My voice trembles as I speak, the weight of my emotions evident in every syllable.

"What is that memory, then?

"Have I gone crazy?"

I feel a sense of desperation welling up inside me, questioning whether the memories I have been experiencing are real or if I have lost my grip on reality. My eyes search my father's face for some sign of comprehension or empathy, but his expression remains cold and detached.

"I… I thuo….but….why…"

My thoughts are a tangled web of confusion and doubt as I try to make sense of the conflicting information presented to me.

"Am I looking at it wrong then?" I wonder.

"Am I trully crazy?"

Unsure whether the memories I have been experiencing are a mere figment of my imagination or if they hold some hidden truth.

"Just… what?…how?…"

The possibility that my mind might be creating these memories out of a desperate need for happiness and recognition only adds to the turmoil and uncertainty plaguing my mind.

"No…."

I shakes my head involuntarily, a gesture of frustration and confusion at my father's response.

I had been so certain that the memories I had been experiencing held the key to unlocking my past and identity, but my father's admission of adoption has thrown a wrench into that belief.

[gasp! gasp! gasp!]

I am gasping desperate for air as my body struggles with panic and anxiety.

The room feels suffocatingly small as I grapple with the implications of his revelation and its impact on my understanding of yourself.

My mind is a whirl with conflicting thoughts and emotions as I struggle to reconcile my father's words with the memories that have been haunting me.

"Uhhhh…."

I feel a sense of unease and uncertainty growing within me, questioning the veracity of my own memories.

The possibility that they are nothing more than fabrications or wishful thinking leaves me feeling lost and adrift, uncertain of what to believe or trust.

(…)

The room falls into a heavy silence once again as my mind continues to grapple with my father's revelation and the implications for my identity. The uncertainty and unease I felt before only seem to deepen with each passing moment.

Then, just when the silence seems to stretch on forever, my father speaks again, breaking the silence with a casual question:

"Are you feeling alright?"