34- Sirius leaves

As Saoirse watched Sirius join her with a flicker of annoyance in her eyes. She clenched her jaw but chose to let it go, turning back to the task at hand—mashing peas for Lachlan. Her plate sat empty; she'd devoured the meat earlier with almost suspicious haste, as if she hadn't wanted Sirius to watch her eat.

When Sirius's gaze fell on her tray, his expression shifted. Shock painted his face, his unease palpable. He couldn't ignore the strange feeling creeping over him, like an itch beneath his skin. His appetite waned as he watched Saoirse feed Lachlan, his thoughts tangling into knots.

"What?" Saoirse finally said, her tone clipped with mild irritation. "Why aren't you eating? You think I'm a pig or something?"

Her accusation stung. Sirius shook his head quickly, his voice defensive. "No, no, no! It's not that. I was just… thinking about responsibilities…, that's all."

She narrowed her eyes at him for a moment, searching his face, but said nothing more. Turning back to Lachlan, she resumed feeding him, her frustration visibly fading. Lachlan giggled as he tasted the mashed potatoes and peas, even though more food ended up on his bib than in his stomach. Saoirse didn't mind. Patiently, she scraped the mess off his lips, putting it back into his mouth for another try. Slowly, he began to get the hang of it.

Sirius watched his wife intently, his thoughts temporarily quieted. She made silly faces at Lachlan as she fed him, her exaggerated expressions unintentionally showing him how to eat. Sirius chuckled to himself, the knot of anxiety in his chest loosening. Maybe he was overthinking it. 

(Even I felt a bit odd that night while they sat eating dinner together and I experienced something strange which made me understand Dad's discomfort.

(I tasted the food Mom ate that day. It was the first time that I had ever tasted anything. It was the opposite of smelling. Where I had smelled something nasty my first time and made Mom vomit.

(No, this time when I tasted those deer steaks, all chaos broke loose and Mom scarfed them down in a breath because of me. Because I couldn't get enough. What was this new ability I had to taste? It made me wonder, was this just a new aspect of being a Dís? Was I really some kind of family guardian or was I beginning a journey that I didn't think I would. It made me wonder, had that one time where dad says they took it too far -had it actually amounted to something afterall?

(Dad didn't ask, so I decided to let it go.That is…until that night.)

Saoirse woke up around noon, groggy and ravenous. Sirius was still sleeping and it wasn't time for breakfast, yet pangs of hunger hit her. She went to the kitchen to find something to eat.

As she rummaged through the cupboards, Sirius stirred as he felt his wife wasn't next to him anymore. He opened his eyes a bit and heard her in the kitchen. She poured a bowl of dog food, which was quite good in her opinion, and added some milk before eating it as if it were cereal. Her appetite hadn't been satisfied by those steaks only a few hours ago. He laid back down and listened as she ate. It shouldn't bother me. I'm just being silly. He thought.

Hours seemed to pass for him as he listened to her watching some television while she ate. Then, as she came back to lay by him, he hugged her and forced himself back to sleep.

When Sirius woke up the next evening, the worries about responsibility hadn't left, they still weighed on his mind. He looked at Saoirse sleeping next to her and felt the hunger radiating off of her even though she had eaten so much for dinner.

Worry crept into his mind. He still held her in his embrace, so the smell of her surrounded him. She should have smelled like her period right now, but she didn't. He hadn't smelled her last period either, as a werewolf, she should have gotten a short one every two weeks, maybe lasting half a day. He hadn't had a craving for her during the full moon either, which was last week. How long ago had they come to the Wolfpack? It might have been 6 weeks? He hadn't kept track. Instead, she smelled this odd sweet way that he hadn't smelled before. His craving to touch her had been replaced with some instinct, something primal, like one to keep other men away from his mate, to protect her. He thought of asking his beast what these feelings were, but his beast simply stayed quiet.

She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "Hey, why are you frowning?" She asked, noticing his serious gaze.

"Huh?" Sirius asked, lost in thought. He hadn't realized he was frowning.

Saoirse laughed, "You're always so serious, Sirius." She said sweetly, closing her eyes again, enjoying his embrace.

Then her smile turned into a grimace, she tore from him and jumped out of the bed, "Uh! I need to take a shower, I smell horrible! We need to wash these sheets!" She got up and made her way to the bathroom and then yelled, "Sirius! Why'd you leave Lachlan's diaper here…" followed by the sound of Saoirse retching.

The worry on Sirius' face deepened. He could feel the pangs of nausea radiating off of Saoirse through their bond and his stomach curdled a bit. He looked at Lachlan in the crib, still sleeping. It would be fine if Lachlan was his only secret, but…

He got up and shifted into a bird and flew to the window. "I'm sorry Saoirse…If this is what I think it is, then I have to get rid of my father."