Somethings Can Never Change

It feels like forever since I've last been home. Is this even my home? Yes, I live here, but am I still standing in the library with Red or am I living my life once again? I need the time to think about this. I give my staff the order that I am not to be disturbed. Except for one member. I call for her specifically.

Anne knocks on the door to my bedroom. I answer with a smile on my face but in the back of my mind that scene plays out again. Red is standing over her as she dies in his grasp. I pull her in and hug her tightly, "Anne, please know that I care about you. You're not just staff." She seems rather confused but hugs me back. "How can I help, Madam Odette? You seem distraught."

"I'm just tired. Please, go make sure Red is taken care of. He'll need a shower. You can have him use one of the guest rooms once you prepare it for him."

"Yes, Madam Odette. Please enjoy your night."

She goes on her way on my order. I'm left alone for the night to deal with what's going on. My time here is short. I have to make a decision one way or another. I need some time to think. Where we are now, he's not a blank slate, but there's a possibility that he can move along a different path. I'm holding out hope but… Should tomorrow come and he gives me the same answer as before… I don't want to think about it.

I need to relax. I need to sleep. But first I need to clean up. It's been a week in the wilderness and I smell. I grab what I need and head to the bathroom. The water heats up in the short time I take to undress and inspect myself in the mirror. I step under the falling water to let it wash over me.

I can only wonder where I went wrong. I am responsible for guiding him but he ended up turning into that man. In less than two years! He went from a novice to one of the most influential and known figures in the world. His methods were unorthodox but that seems to be what the world needed. I just wish he didn't have to do what he did to reach that. There's a trail of bodies in his wake and I fear there will only be more.

I sit down on the shower floor under the water. I curl my head to my knees as I try to console myself. My shoulders shake as I try to hold myself back. "Red, please don't make me do this." The tears are hidden by the water but I know they're there. All the stress in my body starts to release. I can't hold back the tears. My whimpering echoes off the walls. The water can't drown it out anymore.

I don't want to have to do it. But I may have to. I don't want to kill him. He's so innocent. He has hope that this world will be good to him. I wonder if I set him up for this. I wonder if my want to make sure that he was prepared for the world set him up to fight it. If you're already afraid of something, how will you react when anything happens? The slightest noise when you're jumpy will invoke a fight or flight response.

My night runs long. I shower as best I can with the weight on my mind. I head straight to bed but look out the window into the back. The few lights that are on give a glow that I dearly miss. You truly don't know what you have until it's gone. Red left on his own accord. Everything about this place seemed to change. The more I learned about what he was up to, the more this place seemed to change. He brought a light to this place.

Morning comes with a sense of hesitation. According to what Red told me in the library, my time here is short. Should I call for him or go to him? I make my way to the backdoor and out to the bottom of the stairs where I stop myself. I look at my watch as I try to guess how much time I have left. I don't know how to go about this. How can I approach this to change the past? Can I change the past?

"M-Madam Odette?"

I was so trapped inside my own thinking that I blocked out my surroundings. Red was standing there looking concerned. I must be a mess. I didn't take the time to clean myself up this morning. I'm not even sure I slept. "Red! I was just coming to see you." I frantically try to correct a few things about me.

I still have to give him an answer to his test. "I'm assuming you want to talk about your test, yes? Well, I have some good news for you. I went over the past few days and while there are some things I would like to see improved you did meet my minimum requirements. You did learn a good base for alchemy. I think you did a wonderful job and I can say with confidence that you passed!"

I can see the light in his eyes flicker at the excitement of knowing that he did a good job. And he did! We made it down the mountain with few issues. He was able to protect us and himself from the wolves. He deserves this. There is still one thing. This is what's been hanging on my mind the entire time, "Now Red, the question I asked, do you have an answer for me?"

He straightens himself up to give a proper answer. He's thought about it for a while and this will determine if my work has paid off. "Madam Odette! I gave it great thought and while I am still learning not only about magic and its application but the world of it, I want to say that I am standing firm with what I wish to do with the knowledge and the power given to me."

Oh no. This is playing out exactly as it did before. I'm nervous. I don't want to have to do this. I don't want to have to take the life of this poor, innocent fox. He's worked so hard to make it to this point but knowing what he becomes. I can't let that out into the world.

"I will do everything within my power to advance magical knowledge and progress it forward."

And that's it. Nothing changed. He's determined to pursue this path. I tried to sway him but I failed. "Are… are you sure?"

I run my paws from my muzzle to the hair on the top of my head to pull my hair back. I turn around as I try to collect myself. I try to shake the tingling off my body. My arms don't want to move as I command them. The adrenaline in my body kicks in as I drop my arms to my side. "Red…"

I turn around with the determination that my actions are for the better. I take the knife from my pocket and fiddle with it as I look at the blade. I grit my teeth as I give him my last apology, "I'm sorry!" I can see the shock on his face as I come at him but… It was for nothing.

The world fades to white as I find myself back in the library. I'm standing on my own as the emotions that I had felt catch up. I can feel the tears running down my face as I look into the grinning face of the man I needed to stop.

"You couldn't do it! I know you couldn't! It took me so long to figure out what had happened. It took me so much time to try and hunt down the answers. I gave you the chance but you couldn't do it because it had already happened! That's fate! It's destiny! I've seen so much that has, is, and going to happen!"

"You're a goddamn monster!"

"I am not a monster."

He steps towards me with that grin on his face. "I am a God!"